Welcome to the 124th Edition of my series. I have been quite busy so I haven't been able to write this until now. My shift at work is finally getting a little better and hopefully my struggling community theater is saved but enough of that, let's get it on...

Horton Hears a Who! (2008): Jimmy Hayward and Steve Marino directed this Seuss adaption. I decided to make my rare movie theater appearance with my $5 off coupon and hearing some good things on this Dr. Seuss adaptation. Let me tell you, Dr. Seuss never wanted these kinds of things to happen. He never wanted toys made, movies made especially the other two adaptations, and probably not even a musical which is entitled SEUSSICAL which is partly based on this movie. My facebook friend Marty actually played the title role in an adaptation of SEUSSICAL. All Dr. Suess authorized were those special tv cartoons but I did find something enjoyable to watch. We all join our friend Horton the Elephant, voiced by Jim Carrey in his second Seuss film, who comes across a little spec and sees people are living on it from Whoville. Everyone else thinks that Horton is crazy thinking something that little could have people on it but he is determined because a person is a person no matter how small. Now we go to Whoville, where the Mayor, played by Steve Carell, sees some strange happenings but like Horton, no one will believe him. It's a film to be enjoyed by the family.

Strike of the Tortured Angels (1982): Here is my grindhouse pick for the week. I watch these alone so you don't have to, especially this one. If you want to watch this, bring some friends over. This movie takes place in a Hong Kong women's prison besides the Asian woman trying to pass herself off as black with an afro wig and blackface makeup. Like a said, of worth among friends, not much else but you might laugh.

What the Daisy Said (1910): D.W. Griffith directed this short film which stars early-screen goddess Mary Pickford who plays a gypsy who along with her sister wants to find true love. One picks petals off a flower and the other other has her fortune told by a fortune teller both having complications. Nothing great, but interesting early film by the Father of Cinema D.W. Griffith.

The English Patient (1996): This is one of my many tributes this installment for director Anthony Minghalla recently died. I might take some heat from some but I quite enjoyed this. I admit I had a hard time when i first started to try watching this which was years ago but once I got through the first 15 minutes or so I really started getting into this story. We start by seeing a soldier, played very well by Ralph Fiennes, who was burned very badly. He is cared by a young nurse, played by Juliette Binoche, who takes a lot of interest in him. His story is told in flashbacks of how he came to be and showing his love affair with Kristen Scott Thomas which really kept things going. Others include Willem Defoe and look for LOST co-star Naveen Andrews.

The Harvey Girls (1946): George Sidney directed this musical adaption of the novel by Samual Hopkins Adams which starred Judy Garland as a mail-order bride coming into a western town and meets some women and joins the title group who finds herself in the middle of a rivalry with another bar and even takes to bar owner Ned Trent, played by John Hodiak. Garland also reunites with the Scarecrow Ray Bolger. Angela Lansbury has a role as one of the most popular females of the rival bar and has some encounters with Judy.

Othello (1952): This is the Orson Welles version which he wrote and starred in. I have never seen any other adaptation of this Shakespeare tragedy. Othello is led to believe by his scheming friend Iago that is wife has committed adultry which drives him to the edge. Orson has a lot of great things that come to the film like his camerawork and his dark portrayal. This movie took years to make but Orson was determined to get it done.

Dirty Dancing (1987): Emile Ardolino directed this dancing movie. This is more of a tribute to Patrick Swayze who was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. I might get heat for choosing this one but it's better than the other dancing movies of the 80s. Jennifer Grey stars as Baby, an innnocent, naive 17 year old who comes with her family and meets dancer Johnny Castles, played by Swayze, and forms an uneasy partnership and late a love affair much to the dismay of Baby's father, played by the late Jerry Orbach. This had a very popular soundtrack and a song sung by Patrick Swayze himself SHE'S LIKE THE WIND. This is some good 80s fun with the family line of "nobody puts baby in the corner".

Autism: The Musical (2007): You know, I had no idea what to expect when I saw this title. I thought is there really a spoof on autism and even I think I might have to draw a line there but I hit the info button and saw that this was a documentary of autistic children putting on a musical show, then I had to try this one. I have worked with people with autism which is very unfortunate and here a single mom decides to put on this show with help of the other parents who were very interested. This really shed a lot of light on this subject and I know I could never put on a show like that and get these kids to do what they wanted. It was also very interesting to hear the views from the parents and their tough job not only as a parent but a parent to an autisic child.

A Raisin in the Sun (1961): Daniel Petrie directed this groundbreaking film which is an adaptation of a play by Lorraine Hansberry. Sydney Poitier, in a star-making role, plays Walter Lee whose mother gets an inheritance from her late husband and the family have a lot of disagreements on what to do with the money. This took place in a time where it happened more and discussed such topics as moving into a white neighborhood, abortion, among other things. Claudia McNeil is great as the mom trying to keep the family together. Ruby Dee is also good as Walter Lee's wife. Check this one out.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968): Stanley Kubrick directed this adaptation of a novel written by Arthur C. Clarke who recently died. I admit when I watch this I am left scratching my head saying "What the F&$#" but is still very interesting going from the dawn of man which were a bunch of apes into a mission in space. No one real famous starred in this film nor did they go on to become huge stars but the movie lives on forever. One of the biggest things is the creation of the HAL 9000 who you begs this question. Is he a villain or a tragic hero? I mean Hal never asked to be created but he had to carry on his mission and people wanted to unhook him so are his actions possibly justified? Well that is what I will leave you all pondering.

That is it for this week. Stay tuned for next week as I realease 125, kind of a cool number. I have had a lot of other things on my mind, mostly my community theater in financial jeopardy but they are getting together to see what they can do to find ways to raise funds and I can tell there are many people dedicated to saving the theater so I am holding my breath and seeing what I can do.

Hey Arcaders!

Randy here with your monthly update on whats been going on here at FilmArcade.

Well, first off, need I say, all of you are doing a terrific job. Way to get those reviews done and posted! And by far, the month of March has produced the best reviews so far. When I say "best", I am judging by content. I have read more high-quality film reviews this month than I have probably in the last year. What you guys are saying in your reviews is so impacting that you get your point across the first time. And you persuade your readers. Just a few reviews off the top of my head that I remember really impressed me were The Rub's amazing "10,000 B.C." review, and TonyD's Tribute to 2007. Great job to everyone!

A lot of changes took place in March. And I've heard from our admin TonyD that he is not done. FilmArcade will continue to improve, so brace yourselves. We're all here for one reason: Because we love movies. Tony has created a nice little place for us all to gather and talk about what we love collectively together. Appropriately nicknamed, the Hardcore Film Maniac is going to keep working hard so that we can keep enjoying the Arcade. So grab onto your hats, and we'll take you along for the ride. Stay tuned! I'm sure Tony will keep us all updated along the way.

I had a goal I wanted to accomplish in the month of March, and that was to have 100 posts on by the end of the month. Well, I'm sorry to say that we will not be reaching that goal this month...

JUST KIDDING!

Yes, it's true! Congratulations, Arcaders! This post makes number 101 for the month! After counting all the reviews, articles, and news posts (go ahead, count them.) the final number, including this post, is exactly 101. Great job to all of you to make this possible. It is absolutely amazing that in only our 3rd month with the very few people we have to accomplish this feat.

How does 100 feel guys?

Ok. So we have a very exciting month ahead of us. There are some great films coming out, and I expect some even greater reviews. All of your support and dedication to FilmArcade keeps it so successful. Just as a heads up, I won't be looking for that 100 any longer. As long as the quality of your reviews are great... then the quantity doesn't matter at all.

You guys are all great, I can't say it enough. I will see you all for another special update at the end of April. Until then, have another happy month of reviewing!

SUPERHERO MOVIE (2008)

DIRECTED BY
Craig Mazin

STARRING
Drake Bell - Rick Riker/Dragonfly
Sara Paxton - Jill Johnson
Christopher McDonald - Lou Landers/Hourglass
Leslie Nielsen - Uncle Albert
Marion Ross - Aunt Lucille
Ryan Hansen - Lance Landers
Robert Joy - Dr. Hawking
Kevin Hart - Trey
Brent Spiner - Dr. Strom

* out of ****

What ever happened to the spoof genre? It used to be so awesomely funny back in the day. Remember Robert Hays and Julie Hagerty dancing to "Stayin' Alive" while Girl Scouts fought in the background? What about Bill Pullman using the Schwartz? Who can forget Charlie Sheen and Lloyd Bridges fighting off a dog-faced Saddam Hussein? And who didn't smile watching Leslie Neilsen fumble during his police investigations while keeping O.J. Simpson busy enough to not murder his wife and her friend? Spoof films used to be funny!!

Some modern ones still make me laugh. They usually begin with SCARY and end with MOVIE, but I'm laughing. But after watching DATE MOVIE, EPIC MOVIE, and MEET THE SPARTANS, my anticipation and hope for great spoof films have faded into oblivion. Add SUPERHERO MOVIE to the list, as it's one of the unfunniest comedies I have seen so far in 2008. Is it better than EPIC MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS? Absolutely. But really...is that saying a whole lot?

PLOT
Pretty much ripping off the first SPIDER-MAN movie, we have high school nerd Rick Riker (Drake Bell) who lives with his Aunt Lucille (Marion Ross) and his Uncle Albert (Leslie Nielsen) and has a major crush on next door neighbor Jill Johnson (Sara Paxton), who is dating some asshole jock named Lance Landers (Ryan Hansen). On a school field trip to Amalgamated Pharmaceuticals, Rick accidently sprays himself with H20-9, an artificial pheromone that causes any animal around him to get horny and have their way with him. One of these creatures is a dragonfly, which bites Rick and gives him superpowers [like climbing walls, having armored skin, and a sticky grip that causes more embarrassment than anything]. He begins to fight crime and becomes the city's hero as the mysterious Dragonfly.

As this goes on, Lance's uncle and Amalgamated Pharmaceutical CEO Lou Landers (Christopher McDonald) experiments a cure-all solution on himself due to the fact that he's dying. It works, giving him the ability to suck the life force out of people in order to stay young and immortal. Dressing up as the villainous Hourglass, Landers attempts to plan a mass murder at the World Humanity Awards to suck the life force of all the guests to gain immortality. Of course, Dragonfly gets a word of this and the two end up confronting each other.

REVIEW
I have three words for SUPERHERO MOVIE:

WHAT THE FUCK?

Oh I can't say that in a PG-13 review? Well fuck you and fuck this movie!

Man, I long for the days of AIRPLANE!, NAKED GUN, and HOT SHOTS. Those were, and still are, very funny films. But this film? Not so much, even though it does work better than EPIC MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS does. I think that's because David Zucker, who knows what a spoof film is supposed to be, produced this movie. But SUPERHERO MOVIE is a far cry from all those spoof classics that gave many of us so much joy. Instead of actually telling us a story by making a parody of another film, Zucker and Craig Mazin decide to cram as much pop culture references as possible so people can laugh. Why? Can't we just watch YouTube or read celebrity blogs to get those kind of laughs, which actually work better than the ones done here? It's pretty pointless and doesn't make a whole lot of sense in context with the narrative. I'm not saying none of the jokes work. Some do and are actually quite funny. But most of them are just lame and I just shook my head during most of the film, asking myself what compelled me to have the urge to review this film.

Speaking of the narrative, if you've seen SPIDER-MAN, you've seen this film pretty much. They pretty much copied and pasted a much better and FUNNIER screenplay and pretty much changed names and added in fart and shit jokes for chuckles. Now if you want to rip-off a superhero movie, SPIDER-MAN is highly worthy of it. But make the damn thing clever and give viewers a reason not to pay for the same film twice within 6 years. SPIDER-MAN is witty as hell and probably why people still love that film [I know I do]. There's already comedy in that film. It doesn't need a parody. A more serious superhero film, like BATMAN BEGINS or something, would have worked better in my opinion. Yes, there is a small parody of the Batman film I just mentioned, but it's done in such a way that the joke got old the moment the first shot was heard [it makes fun of Bruce Wayne's parents getting killed]. I just thought the whole thing was pointless, even though the first half of the film was actually decent until it disinegrated within the last half.

Like I said, some of the jokes do work. The Tom Cruise impersonation by Miles Fisher is actually pretty funny, only because he's the best actor I've seen to pull off the whole Scientology skit. And the Stephen Hawking thing with Robert Joy probably made me laugh the most. What a foul-mouthed character he is, but the robotic voice used as he cussed had me actually laughing out loud. I thought it was actually pretty clever and very well done. Other things that kind of worked was the opening credits, which actually had a great heroic score and Dragonfly using a flashlight to display his costume while he grabbed his crotch and stuff. Stupid but entertaining. I liked the scene where Dragonfly and Hourglass confronted each other and the camera starting spinning around them to the point where the actors got dizzy themselves. That was definitely Zucker's work through and through. The urination scene where Dragonfly is on the ceiling while Landers senses his presence [like the first SPIDER-MAN] actually worked. And the X-Men thing was okay. Watching Wolverine shave his legs with his claws was cute and some of the mutant powers made me chuckle, but it became unwatchable at the end due to a certain "actress". I'll get to her bald ass later.

Most of the jokes were just terrible though. The Human Torch scene with Simon Rex was horribly unfunny. I mean, he's the Human Torch yet he's suprised that his body was on fire? And while he's whining like a bitch, the Dragonfly beats him with a fire extinguisher and accidentally pours gasoline on him. It did nothing for me. Stuff about Britney Spears, how being a virgin makes you a loser, and the BATMAN BEGINS parody could have been used better. I think the worst one was Marion Ross sleeping on a couch and doing the longest fart gag in movie history. I mean, it lasted like five fuckin' minutes. Yes, it was funny during the first minute, but it just got lamer and lamer as it went on. And then all the cliches and stereotypes about farts were used within those five minutes. You thought The Fonz jumping over that shark was embarrassing? Mrs. Cunningham took the cake in this film. Geez.

Craig Mazin directed the film well. I can't complain. The visuals were decent and so were some of the special effects. It was well-made and looked more professional than the last few spoof films that have been released.

The acting was actually the best part of the film for me. Drake Bell fits the nerd bill believably [maybe because he is one?] and I liked him as the lead. He had decent comic timing, so I can't say anything bad about him. Sara Paxton was WAY hotter than Kirsten Dunst as the girlfriend. She also acted better too. If there's one improvement over SPIDER-MAN, it's this chick. Chris McDonald was great as the villainous Hourglass. He was a sleazeball and it worked for me. He definitely made a good convincing bad guy. Leslie Neilsen is Leslie Neilsen again. It's not a classic performance from the spoof master, but I liked him anyway. Brent Spiner left his "Data" role behind and was actually pretty funny as Dr. Strom, Hourglass' lackey. And Tracy Morgan was pretty cool as Professor Xavier.

The cameos were mixed. Pamela Anderson looked hot as the Invisible Girl, although her "white girl talking black" routine was pretty weird. Robert Hays returned to his spoof roots as Rick's dad, while Nicole Sullivan was underused as Rick's mom. Simon Rex sucked as the Human Torch though. And no one annoyed me more than Regina Bell as the bald-headed Mrs. Xavier. God, I just want to wrap my hands around her neck and...UGH! She uses the same "angry black woman" voice in every freakin' film she's in. It worked in the first SCARY MOVIE because it led to an incredibly funny death in that movie theater. But it doesn't do anything for me here and it just ended up being distracting. I had wished Xavier had mind wiped her ass so she couldn't be able to speak. That would have gotten at least another half star from me.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE WATCHING SUPERHERO MOVIE

The only thing I learned was that the spoof genre needs to either end or wait a few years in order to begin a major overhaul. The fact that the film barely made $10 million opening weekend proves that many agree with me.

THE FINAL HOWL
SUPERHERO MOVIE is a bad film, but at least it "tries" to be a good one. Too bad it's more miss than hit. Stick with SPIDER-MAN, which is a much more clever and funny film than this one could ever be. Unless you love fart and shit jokes, stay away from SUPERHERO MOVIE. Welcome to the WTF Vault, SUPERHERO MOVIE. If I ever need to not laugh again, I'll shine a Dragonfly signal to let you know. Until then, you can kiss my ass!

From ComingSoon.Net

Derek Mears, who recently starred in "The Hills Have Eyes 2" and has done stunts for the "Pirates of the Caribbean" films and the upcoming "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull", will reportedly play Jason Voorhees in New Line Cinema and Platinum Dunes' new "Friday the 13th" movie.

Is he right for the part?

Harry Knowles over at Aint It Cool News thinks so... but what does he know?

The film is scheduled for release on February 13, 2009.

(*This is one of three reviews I promised to do for people before I permanently deleted filmfanatix.com. These reviews are coming about a month late, but you know what I say-- better late than never! Many thanks to the always wonderful TonyD for allowing me to post the reviews here and get the word out on these films. Thanks!*)

I've seen a lot of independent films. I'm not even talking about Todd Solondz-type independent films. I'm talking about the “still-yet-to-be-discovered” true independent films.

With that said, I must also state that not all of these independent films have been a pleasant experience to sit through. I've found that there are 3 types of indie films: 1) The ones with the overly wordy philosophical awkward dialouge that is trying to hash out the director's own existential issues, 2) The ones where the plot and writing are okay, but the acting and directing are horrendous and ruin the entire film, and 3) The ones that are little gems, and you wonder why the film is still relatively undiscovered. For the purposes of this review, Mark Lewis' BAYSTATE BLUES falls under category number 3.

I really liked this film. I know that's a rather weak introductory sentence. It doesn't explain why I like it, or why you should like it. But... I... I just really like it. As a matter of fact, the first words out of my mouth 10 minutes into the film were exactly that: “I really like this film.” I mean, BAYSTATE BLUES is a rather simple, typical plot that we've seen before. A young married couple is having issues within their relationship. Family and friends get involved actively and passively into their troubles. Drama ensues. More drama ensues for the supporting characters. Plot twist/surprise ending. Tah-dah!

So, then, why did I “really like” this film, even though I've seen it countless times before? Well, I'm going to give you 5 solid reasons as to why I enjoyed it, and why you should too.

(Note: I already gave a basic rundown of the plot formula of the film. I do not want to go into detail, because I don't think it's needed, to be quite honest. The reasons I am listing reasons why you'd enjoy this film too, and not the plot itself, is because that is what is most important here. So please put “plot” aside for one moment, while I try to explain the artistry behind this film. Also, the absence of plot does not mean I did not enjoy the entire cast of characters. As far as I'm concerned, this was definitely an ensemble effort.)

Reason #1: Empathy: If you cannot relate to at least one of these characters, you have no soul.

The first “act”, if you will, of BAYSTATE BLUES, takes an intimate look at the lives of a young married couple, who act more like an old, miserable couple. I'm not stating that couples married for a long time are miserable, but rather I mean old in terms of monotony.

Mike (Scott Lewis) and Devon (Allyson Sereboff) know each other all too well. They know what makes the other one smile and laugh, but they also know how to get under the other's skin. There's a bit of a sadistic game of teasing going on by Mike in the beginning of the film. We can tell that he is holding some sort of grudge against Devon, as she is with him. However, Devon's grudge is still yet to be uncovered. But as for Mike, he has no problem attempting to get on her nerves, whether it be by sneaking up on behind her and giving her a good fright, or skillfully making a sandwich in such a way that would have Mother Theresa herself wanting to fly-kick him in the head. Of course, that's where my empathy comes in-- because I've been in Devon's shoes. Been there, done that. I know the games that are played when you try to appear happy on the outside in a relationship, but suffer through the “button pressing” quietly as to not give in to the other person's aggression. Sure, there are many other well-developed characters in this film to explore, but that's for you find out. For me though? I empathize with Devon and the dynamic she has with her husband Mike.

Reason #2: Ingenuity: Director Mark Lewis takes the art of directing and transforms it into something risky and different.

One thing you will notice right away when watching BAYSTATE BLUES is that there are a large number of extreme close-up shots. At first it's a bit awkward. It makes you want to back away from your TV screen or try to adjust the ratio aspect. But notice I said “at first.” The more the film moves along, you begin to realize that these numerous close-ups-- (albeit to some people's beliefs a bad move in any film)-- are quite necessary. After a while I actually enjoyed them. They created a great sense of intimacy between myself and the characters. Director Mark Lewis appeared to try his best to have the audience become immeshed in these peoples' lives by (quite literally!) putting us right smack-dab in their faces. I liked it. I even felt my body leaning in more towards the screen after a while. It was almost as if I was standing there with the entire cast at some instances.

Reason #3: Symbolism: Everything has its purpose and place in this film.

I could be wrong. I might be misinterpreting the meaning behind a few shots in the film. Maybe they were subconscious flukes on the part of Lewis... but I'd like to think not. You see, I love symbolism that isn't spoon fed to the viewer. For instance, I love David Lynch. I love unraveling puzzles. And in BAYSTATE BLUES, Lewis subtly inserts quite a few symbolic meanings and shots that don't blatantly beat the viewer over the head.

For instance, there is one shot in the beginning of the film that foreshadows some things to come. Lewis shows us a beautiful shot of a road with two cars departing. The one red car (sisters Virginia and Alex) turn left onto the main road. The one blue car (Mike) exits onto the main road by going right. It's also no coincidence that Devon's long lost “friend” Wojo (McKey Carpenter) also drives a blue car in the film as well. Once you watch the film, you start to understand the importance of the term "middle-of-the-road," and how that concept revolves around its characters.

I don't want to give too much away, but I don't think there has been enough credit given to Lewis for his masterful ability to write and direct a film that incorporates so many intricate elements that make the film so beautifully crafted. I suppose this goes back to my theory that if you are not yet a “discovered” director, no one pays close enough attention to the detail that goes into the film. But every artist has a vision, and sometimes the audience needs to look a little harder to find out what that artist had in mind. I mean, just read Lewis' Statement below and you can start to imagine, for yourself, how something as simple and cars turning “right and left” and the colors “red and blue” signify something so much deeper in a film:

"What do you think of when you hear the term 'small town America'? Chances are if you're on the Conservative Right, you think of a Norman Rockwell utopia. If you're on the Liberal Left you think of a haven for the brain dead redneck NASCAR fans. As with most things the truth lies somewhere between the two extremes. This is a story of the truth."

-Director

Reason #4: Writing & Acting: In order for a film to really work (especially “independent cinema”) both must work well together.

This is probably one of my key passions about the film: the writing and the acting. I loved the story line. The words that came out of the actors' mouths were believable. I liked these people. I cared about them and what happened to them. I actually wanted to watch more of the film once it was done. I found myself thinking about how their lives might be right now. I worried about them, felt happy for them-- I even had a crush on one of them (“Jason”/Joe Tuttle)! And, com'on, anyone who can write and/or deliver the line, “Put a harsh on your sexy" and make me laugh out loud unexpectedly, has to have some major talent in the writing department.

Reason #5: Music: I want the soundtrack.

If you love independent film, you most likely also love independent music. The original songs played throughout by composer Dave Felipe were awesome. I was actually disappointed a soundtrack didn't come with the screener (and, no, that wasn't a hint, Mr. Lewis!). I particularly loved the song “Running Man” and found its lyrics and melody to be quite complimentary to the plot and characters. The music was like side dish that could be eaten as a main course; it could survive with or without the movie.

So, yes, I wrote a rather glowing review. And you're probably asking yourself right now, “Well, Tara, is there anything you didn't care for in this film?” To be honest, yes. There is only one tiny aspect that I didn't like, which was when Virginia (Sharon Maguire) was talking at the end about Jason's “surprise” for her. For some reason I found the harsh editing to be a little too much, but I do understand the director's intent and purpose of inserting it as he did. Even though it's not my personal cup of tea, I still respect the risk he took doing it, and it is easily forgivable, since it is understandable.

And there you have it! So please take a few moments out of your time and mosey on over to http://www.baystateblues.net/ where you can read up more on the film and check out the actor's bios. I do not see a link where you can purchase the film as of yet, but there is a CONTACT link on the site, and I'm sure Mr. Lewis would love to receive some inquiries about his film right now regardless.

Thanks for reading!

- Tara

(aka dASH)

I know that a lot of you guys have been bitching and moaning about "Grindhouse," and how Harvey Weinstein and his brother have cheated it out on a full DVD release. Well... it still hasn't been announced yet, but I already got the entire movie, trailers and all, on DVD. How you ask?

For the past month, Starz On Demand has been showing "Grindhouse." I just happened to burn myself a copy about a week ago, and it really brings back memories. Why didn't you bastards go see it in the theater?! WHY!

Well since all of you bastards either 1. paid for Ice Cube last year, 2. paid for Will Ferrell and Jon Heder last year, or 3. paid for the worst animated movie from last year, you guys all have an opportunity to watch the full movie of "Grindhouse" on Starz Channel tonight at 9 PM (EST). I'm sure you'll all love it.

“Cache” was written and directed by Michael Haneke who recently directed the shot for shot remake of his own “Funny Games.” My parents actually gave me the DVD to this film for Christmas, and I went ahead and watched it before I saw the “Funny Games” remake in theaters. With all the polarizing opinions regarding his new movie, I felt it was in my best interest to see “Cache” before I saw “Funny Games” because I was afraid that if I hated that film, then I would never get around to watching the DVD my parents gave me. I have enough trouble watching a lot of the other movies they have given me over the years, but this one had a great quote on the DVD cover by Steven Rea of the Philadelphia Inquirer:

“Like Hitchcock, only creepier.”

I read that, and immediately I was hooked. The fact that it took me several months to actually sit down and watch the movie is another story altogether. Heck, I’ve rented movies from Netflix and kept them for six months before I finally watched them. That’s why I cancelled my subscription initially. But anyway, let’s get back on track here…

“Cache” opens up with a shot of an exterior of the residence the main characters live in. It is a long and uninterrupted shot that lasts a good 3 or 4 minutes. But suddenly we hear voices, and we realize that we are actually watching a videotape along with two people who rewind it at one point. The couple is made up of a TV talk show host named Georges Laurent (Daniel Auteuil) and his wife Anne (Juliette Binoche), and they have received this tape that was anonymously left for them on their doorstep. This starts off the movie to an easy start as we see this couple continue to receive videos, and the lives of this couple begin to unravel as the layers of the story keep getting peeled away.

Describing a movie like this is difficult because its creator makes it rather ambiguous to the point where we have no choice but to draw our conclusions as to what has happened and what we have witnessed. These videos end up reawakening long dormant memories for Georges as we come to see events in passing from when he was a child that may or may not be real, and it uncovers a guilt that he thought he was over, but in fact has left a lifelong scar that is being picked at more than ever. In the end, it does not matter who is actually making these videos the couple is being sent as much as the effect they have on Georges and on those closest to him.

As I saw with “Funny Games,” it’s clear that Michael Haneke likes to play around with the audiences’ expectations. We are so conditioned by the formulas of the movies that mainstream cinema churns out with consistent regularity that anything that challenges it threatens to give us a headache. Those looking for a resolution that tidies everything up to the satisfaction of the regular movie going audience will be endlessly frustrated with this movie. Haneke is not a director interested in spelling out everything for the audience as he is in trying to get you to figure out the story for yourself.

What is revealed is that Georges ended up doing something to another person that he never really forgave himself for. Now the past is coming back to haunt him, and it ends up isolating him in his own guilt and fears and alienates him from his family. Anne, Georges’ wife, is incensed that she is not being let on any guesses that her husband has about who might be putting them through immense anxiety. Georges is never portrayed as a bad person, but in the end, it doesn’t matter if he is a good person. Guilt tears away at him, and while some make peace with the past, he will never have that luxury. This guilt may end up being carried on by his only son who only has inklings of what is going on between his mom and dad.

Between this movie and “Funny Games,” “Cache” is the better movie of the two as well as the more accomplished of both. It will serve as better entry point to the work of Michael Haneke than the aforementioned movie which succeeded in viciously turning off a lot of people. Haneke won the Best Director award at the 2005 Cannes Film Festival, and it was probably well deserved. He keeps you hooked into the story which is like an onion that keeps being peeled away, and he succeeds in generating strong tension without the use of music score. This seems to be a common thing in the movies I have seen from this director so far; there is no film score to speak of, and there is practically no music played throughout the movie. The only other movie I can think of that succeeded in keeping us on the edge of our seats without the aid of a film score was “The China Syndrome.”

All the performances are excellent without ever being at all flashy. Daniel Auteuil creates a character that is morally ambiguous and not always easy to get along with, but we still care about what he goes through during the movie. The most recognizable face in the movie is Juliette Binoche, and this is another in a long line of brilliant performances from her. She makes Anne’s panic and anxiety all the more real as she keeps getting shut out in the cold of what’s really going on. As time goes on, her Oscar upset over Lauren Baccall when she won for “The English Patient” seems a lot less surprising. Also, Maurice Bénichou, who plays a very pivotal character in the movie, brilliantly shows how a person can be threat while remaining perfectly calm.

“Cache” is a brilliant exercise in suspense, and it shows how much of a master Michael Haneke is in this genre. There are no easy answers to be found here, and the ending itself is quite ambiguous, but not all movies are meant to be easily understood. Some are meant to engage you mentally so that you can draw your own conclusions. What’s wrong with having a movie like that every once in awhile? We need challenging movies that break the typical formulas that dominate most of American cinema today. “Cache” engages you with the unblinking eye of the camera, and it traps you in the world of its characters to where it is impossible to look away. Movies don’t get more suspenseful than this.

**** out of ****

Director: Jonathan Yudis

Writer: Mike Davis

Star: Mary Carey

Official Website

Official Myspace Page

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James is a young guy visiting his dad, Hezekiah, on the farm to learn what it takes to "be a man" before heading off to college. Dad's lessons in being a man are all about working hard on the farm. Cheryl, Hezekiah's young hot-ass girlfriend, wants to show him that it's about working her hard. So James gives in and bangs her silly. Of course dad finds out and is not happy. The next day Cheryl is gone. Did she leave? Did Hezekiah kill her and make a meat sculpture out of her? Hehe, I said "meat sculpture"...(READ MORE)

Welcome to Reviews from the Horror Chamber. I am your chamber keeper, Anthony Thurber. This is my half of the 2007 After Dark Horrorfest. I’m taking a different approach from TonyD (which you can read his half of the After Dark Horrorfest by clicking here), as I’m dividing this edition into two since two of the films have long reviews. So that also means you’ll get not get one rant but two rants this week. Let's get started with my first portion of the After Dark Horrorfest.

I came across a very interesting column online that independent filmmakers and people who are interested on how these indie films end up at your local video store should take a look this column. Rolfe Kanefsky, director of the film Nightmare Man (which I’ll be reviewing in this part), wrote an interesting two-part piece over on Fangoria.com. His column details the struggles of finding distribution for Indie horror films and I imagine films in general, entitled Distribution Heaven and Hell. He goes into detail on the struggles of trying to find distribution for Nightmare Man and the pits falls of selling independent films to major distributors. It was a good piece as it highlighted the business aspect of trying to find distribution for an independently produced film. It’s a very good read. Here's the links for the articles, if anyone is interested in reading this two-part article.

Distribution Heaven and Hell: Part 1: http://fangoria.com/fearful_feature.php?id=6142

Distribution Heaven and Hell: Part 2: http://fangoria.com/fearful_feature.php?id=6151

The Deaths of Ian Stone
Year: 2008

Director: Dario Plana

Stars: Mike Vogle, Jamie Murray, Christina Cole

MPAA Rating:R

Studio: After Dark Films/ Odyssey Entertainment

Running Time: 87 Mins

Review Rating: 3.5 Stars

The Deaths of Ian Stone is about a young man, who mysteriously encounters a creature late one night is thrown, then is thrown into the path of an oncoming train. The next day, he wakes up like nothing even happened, but in a different life. He still goes on living that life until he’s murdered again. After the second death, Ian Stone starts to notice that something strange is happening to him. To make matters worse, he finds out that he is being stalked by an evil presence that forcing him to die everyday until he finds the mystery that surrounds his life. The film is co-produced by special effects legend, Stan Winston.

I know that I might be getting hate mail for this as a lot of people weren’t too thrilled with many of this year's After Dark Horrorfest films, but The Deaths of Ian Stone actually surprised me. The film surprised me because I’ve read a lot of mediocre and bad reviews for this film but wanted to check this film anyway because the trailer looked good and the fact that I’m a big Hex (season one is out on dvd, still waiting for season two to be announced on DVD) fan and Christina Cole is in it.

Director Dario Plana and screenwriter Brendan Hill did a good with the development of the story. Palna’s direction was good. I liked how Palna goes for this weird/bizarre look for the film. The look helps sell the story for me, as the film was moving slow until the action picks up. The direction of the action sequences was good, as the sequences help the film’s pace pick up. Plana also manages to get performances from his actors, which helps the intensity and eeriness of the film. The creature effects were also good, as they delivered a couple of scares during the film. Then again, I expected the effects to be good, if Stan Winston’s name is on your film.

Brendan Hill’s screenplay wasn’t bad but it does have some minor flaws. The screenplay does deliver some scares. The main reason this film works for me is the fact that every time he kills Ian Stone off, he puts the character into a worse situation then before, as there it didn’t try to lighten the main character by putting him in a good situation. Hill makes his film suspenseful by adding a psychological element, in which Ian Stone doesn’t know who he really is and the film’s character twist, which makes it interesting. The only thing that I that I had a problem was the fact that Hill could have spend some time developing the Ian Stone, Jenny relationship in the beginning of the film. It would have like to have seen an extra ten minutes in the beginning to be more emotionally invested with the relationship but still I enjoyed it nonetheless.

The Deaths of Ian Stone would make want to relive this film by putting it in my DVD collection.

DVD Extras:

Miss Horrorfest Webisodes

Nightmare Man

Year: 2008

Director: Rolfe Kanefsky

Stars: Tiffany Shepis, Blythe Metz, Richard Moll

MPAA Rating: R

Studio: After Dark Films / Valkhin Films
Running Time: 90 Mins
Review Rating: 4 Stars

Official Website: http://www.nightmaremanthemovie.com/

Nightmare Man focuses on a woman (Blythe Metz) who receives a mysterious mask then thinks that someone or something is stalking her. She calls her stalker the Nightmare Man. Her husband doesn’t believe anything that she is saying, as he thinks that she’s lost her mind. Then on the way to the mental hospital, the car breaks down. Her husband then leaves her all alone in the car when the nightmare man reappears. She then freaks out not knowing if this stalker is real and goes into the woods where she finds on to a cabin that filled with two young couples. Now she has endangered the couples as well, as the nightmare man is coming for all of them.

Nightmare Man is a fun throwback to 80s horror films. This film has everything that you can ask for as a hardcore horror fan. It has gore, suspense, topless women, and the lovely Tiffany Shepis as one of the leads. Writer/Director Rolfe Kanefsky makes this film fun to watch. The action was really good. Kansefsky keeps the action suspenseful by creating twists with the story and timing the deaths well, so it doesn’t become boring. The screenplay was good. I liked how Kanefsky set out to make this a fun slasher film by adding elements that made 80’s horror movies. He added dark sarcastic humor to the story, which helped slow the suspense down, when the film needed it. The story also has some nice character twists, which made this more enjoyable to watch.

Even though Rolfe Kanefsky did good job, what really made this film was the performances of its two lead actresses, Tiffany Shepis and Blythe Metz.

This is the first film that I’ve seen Blythe Metz in, but she really pulls her role off very well. What made her performance very good, was the fact her character’s frantic state of mind was believable. She didn’t try to be silly or phone the performance in. Metz keeps her character’s state of mind by acting tense and frightened for most of the film. Also, she really had good chemistry with her other co-stars especially with Tiffany Shepis. I wouldn’t be surprised to see in more of these horror films, as she really has the talent to be active in the independent horror scene.

Now on to the best and sexiest scream queen out there today, Tiffany Shepis. Her performances seem to get better and better in each film she’s in. She was perfectly cast in role of Mia. Shepis brings a lot of personality to her character, as she nails the dark sarcastic humor while her character is being terrified. She also has that personality that‘s needed for to be a sexy heroine in this genre. We will be definitely be hearing more from her in the near future.

Nightmare Man might not be most serious horror film out but it’s a fun thrill ride that you will enjoy.

DVD Extras:

Commetary from writer/director Rolfe Kanefsky, actress Tiffany Shepis and producer Esther Goodstein.

2 Behind the Scenes Featurettes

Extended Scenes

Gag Reel

Miss Horrorfest Webisodes

If you’re a filmmaker and interested in having your horror film reviewed in the Horror Chamber, you can reach the Chamber Keeper himself at Anthonythurber@filmarcade.net or if you have any film in any genres that you want Film Arcade to review, send us an email at screeners@filmarcade.net.

Also, don’t forget to add the official MySpace home of Reviews From the Horror Chamber at http://www.myspace.com/reviewsfromthehorchamber.

Well that’s it for part one of my end of the 2007 After Dark Horrorfest. I’ll be back tomorrow with part two of this edition as I’ll review Mulberry Street and Unearthed. Until then, have a frightening day.

“21”
2008
***½ out of ****
Director: Robert Luketic
Cast: Jim Sturgess, Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth


You can never go wrong with a movie like “21.” No matter how bad it is, it will always been enjoyable. If you bring two hundred dollars with you to Vegas to gamble away and come home with nothing, there is a good chance that you will be either depressed or say that you had a fun time. It goes without saying that if you take a trip to Vegas in “21,” you will either be disappointed or you will have fun. Hell, maybe both.

I’d hate to say that “21” is a perfect movie, because it is the farthest thing from it. Lord knows how biased this review is. My favorite actor of this day of age (Jim Sturgess), the new and improved Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth, one of the greatest actors that are breathing today (Kevin Spacey), and Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) could always get a great kick out of me. Imagine them all in ONE whole movie? It’s like a splitting fucking orgasm!

And “21” is a splitting fucking orgasm. An orgasm of FUN. I don’t think that anyone can have as much fun as I had with this film. I expected a lot from this film, and I sure as hell wasn’t disappointed. “21” gave me a lot of enjoyment, enjoyment that I didn’t receive from “Superhero Movie,” and just a little bit more enjoyment from “Run Fatboy Run.” All I asked for in this movie was enjoyment. It is something that a movie hasn’t given me since “The Signal” – complete satisfaction.

“21” tells the tale of Ben Campbell, (Jim Sturgess) a gifted student at MIT. He has a way of numbers, and he is definitely the kind of guy that you want to be doing your homework. His problem is that he dreams about going to Harvard Medical School, but there is no way that he can get three-hundred thousand dollars for his tuition. Ben is invited to be a part of a group of card-counters that go to Las Vegas on weekends to make money. What these people do isn’t to gamble, but to make money. The group, ran by Mr. Rosa, (Kevin Spacey) is shown the ins and outs to the game of blackjack, but how much is enough?

“21” is based on the book written by Ben Mezrich. The film was originally based on a true story where a few Asian men would go down to Las Vegas and count cards to become rich. Unlike these guys, Ben keeps insisting that once he makes his three-hundred thousand dollars, he’ll be leaving the group, but as Mr. Rosa and the super hot Jill (Kate Bosworth) keep informing him, that is what everyone says. They don’t know when to stop and gamble all of their winnings away. After he keeps winning and winning, Cole Williams, (Laurence Fishburne) the enforcer of all casinos, counts the cards and realizes what Ben is doing. Mr. Williams has a reputation of kicking ass. Whether or not it’s because he has anger issues isn’t really stated in the movie. I’d guess that, after watching that “Assault on Precinct 13” remake.

But anyway, “21” isn’t nearly the perfect movie that I may make it out to be. It’s just a lot of fun. Some people are going to hate it for the same reasons I like it. It’s slick, it’s hip, and it’s cool. It is the “Ocean’s Eleven” without actually being illegal. And I loved it. But there are a few faults here and there.

It’s going to kill me to admit this, but Jim Sturgess, probably one of the best actors working today, is strongly miscast. The man is English, and he is playing an American character. He does a good job at his role, but he can’t do an American accent. He’s tried it here, and he only falters. Traces of an English accent are accidentally used in the film. He does a good job here and I’ll respect him for that, but why cast an English actor in an American role is beyond me. But that’s Hollywood for you.

Another problem is that the climax isn’t as strong as the rest of the movie is. Thankfully, it picks up at the end of the movie with its very own clever twist but the climax doesn’t really help. By the time that Fishburne and Sturgess meet each other for the first time (or shall I say, Sturgess and Fishburne’s fist), it becomes insanely dull. It picks up in the last fifteen minutes, Maybe it’s too late, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was just having fun, like everyone else in the theater.

But “21” certainly has likeable characters. If you have all seen “Across the Universe,” you know how Jim Sturgess can play a likeable character. Kate Bosworth does an equally great job fitting in with her character, with an insanely hot new look that is oozing me out of the world. Kevin Spacey, while equally devilish in his own right, is likeable for most of the movie. The same can be said about Aaron Yoo, who won’t be receiving credit from anyone. Everyone is overlooking him, and that is truly a damn shame. He’s not the best in the film, but he has fun whenever he is on screen.

I don’t know if it is just me, but I had a lot of fun with the movie. It’s the kind of film that I would wait for DVD, but if you must see it in the theaters, bring tons of friends. It’s sure to be a movie that you will be talking about for a good time after it is over.

21

Ben Campbell (Jim Sturgess) is a shy, brilliant M.I.T. student who – needing to pay school tuition – finds the answers in the cards. He is recruited to join a group of the school's most gifted students that heads to Vegas every weekend armed with fake identities and the know-how to turn the odds at blackjack in their favor. With unorthodox math professor and stats genius Micky Rosa (Kevin Spacey) leading the way, they've cracked the code. By counting cards and employing an intricate system of signals, the team can beat the casinos big time. Seduced by the money, the Vegas lifestyle, and by his smart and sexy teammate, Jill Taylor (Kate Bosworth), Ben begins to push the limits. Though counting cards isn't illegal, the stakes are high, and the challenge becomes not only keeping the numbers straight, but staying one step ahead of the casinos' menacing enforcer: Cole Williams (Laurence Fishburne).

Run Fatboy Run

Five years ago Dennis (Simon Pegg) was at the altar about to marry Libby (Thandie Newton), his pregnant fiancée. He got cold feet and ran for the hills and he's been going in circles ever since. When Dennis discovers Libby's hooked up with high-flying-go-getter Whit (Hank Azaria), he realizes it's now or never. He enters a marathon to show he's more than a quitter but then finds out just how much sweat, strain and tears it takes to run for 26 miles. Nobody gives him a chance but Dennis knows this is his only hope to more than a running joke.



Stop-Loss

Decorated Iraq war hero Sgt. Brandon King makes a celebrated return to his small Texas hometown following his tour of duty. Brandon tries to resume the life he left behind with the help and support of his family and his best friend, Steve Shriver, who served with him in Iraq. Alongside their war-time buddies, Brandon and Steve try to make peace with civilian life. Then, against Brandon's will, the Army orders him back to duty in Iraq. This upends Brandon's entire world. The conflict into which he is thrown tests everything he believes in: the bond of family, the loyalty of friendship, the limits of love, and the value of honor.

Superhero

Meet Rick Riker. He's young, he's cool and he's got superpowers. Now, if he only knew how to use them... but the world is in danger and no one is safe.

A bootleg trailer for “The X-Files 2” was posted on Google Video yesterday, but has since been taken down. That trailer is due to premiere with Iron Man in May.


Below is the poster for Paramount Vantage’s “American Teen.” What poster do you think this looks like? (Click to view bigger image)

And below this is the teaser poster for “The X-Files 2.” (Click to view bigger image)


Sacha Baron Cohen’s next film on his notorious characters from “Da Ali G Show,” titled “Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt,” is set to be released later this year. Cohen and his crew have reportedly been stirring up trouble in many places in Kansas. What can I say about this? Verry nicee!


Lindsay Lohan is set to play as a devoted follower in the film “Mansion’s Girls.” Drugs, booze, and sex – perfect role for her… right? No, she’s playing one of the victims. Aww horseshit.


After getting back from the shitty “Superhero Movie,” I can assure everyone that this Tom Cruise impersonation is without a doubt the best part of the movie. And it’s so good that this will finish our K.I.S.S. News…

Smiley Face

Review By: Kelsey Zukowski
Starring: Anna Farris, John Krasinski, John Cho, Danny Masterson, Adam Brody, Danny Trejo
Directed By: Greg Araki
Written By: Dylan Haggerty
Released: 2007
Grade: B+

Greg Araki did an absolutely amazing job with the magnificent yet controversial film, Mysterious Skin. There was so much permanent pain, emotion, and misunderstandings that were so powerful. His direction in the film really helped bring out the seriousness of child molestation and the search of finding who you are. This is a very difficult film to beat, but Araki’s follow up film, Smiley Face, does a very good job. Now Smiley Face is about as different from Mysterious Skin as possible. Mysterious Skin is completely dark and intense while Smiley Face is light and funny with a goofy persona that is hard not to love.

Jane (Farris) is an aspiring actress even though there doesn’t seem to be anything motivated about her. Usually her drug habit seems to get in the way of other things including working, cleaning, and therefore can’t afford the lifestyle she is living in. Her roommate, Steve (Masterson) is completely annoyed and disgusted by her. He is the more responsible roommate and is tired of picking up the all of the slack. When Jane eats an entire batch of “special cupcakes”, she gets so stoned that everything seems to be working against her that day. She has to pay the power bill or they will lose their power and when Steve leaves he is counting on her to do this. Jane also has an important audition that day that she can’t reschedule. For some reason or another, she decides that a good preparation tool to get in tune with her creative side would be to smoke even more. So she calls her dealer, Steve (Brody), to get her more drugs, but she ends up being short on cash. Jane already owes her dealer money so in order to get her fix she has to pay him back at Hemp Fest by 3 o’clock.

Things just get worse from there. She fries her pot on the stove. Jane leaves it to go talk on the phone just to get dumped by her boyfriend, meanwhile it completely burns and it along with her phone gets destroyed. It turns out that she only has about a dollar left to her name. If she can’t pay her dealer back he will start to take her furniture until she does and the power will be turned off if she can’t come up with some more money. So Jane decides to sell her government weed. When she eyes a police officer she suspects that they are after her for this and it makes matters worse that she also essentially steals a document worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Anna Farris really has a great time with this role and Araki took this project on, feeling that Farris was the one to play Jane. Her voice and even her general appearance was modified to fit the part of Jane. She is very convincing as a stoner slacker. Her character seems to have a very go with the flow mentality, but with everything going wrong there are constant instances of her freaking out. At first I didn’t even know that John Krasinski was in the film. Danny Masterson and Adam Brody were advertised as the bigger stars of the film even though they have much smaller parts and Krasinski seems to be the one who is on the top of his game. He plays a nerdy guy who has a good hold on his life. He falls for Jane, but she doesn’t fall back. Krasinski has a great subtly to him that works well with the bizarre characteristics that Farris puts forward. Surprisingly enough, John Cho is actually more of a straight edge in this film. He is a simple man who works at a meat factory. He works hard and really doesn’t want anything more out of life, he is content with his life as it is. Alongside Cho is Danny Trejo who is also works with Cho’s character and is funny for the little amount of time that he is in the film. Adam Brody and Danny Masterson do a decent job as the two Steves. Masterson claims that this is the character that has been closest to who he really is. He plays a more low key guy with science fiction interests. Jane Lynch was only in one scene as the woman casting the part that Jane was auditioning for. Lynch’s reactions were funny and even added further as this ended up putting Jane in even more of a panic. Brian Posehn of The Sarah Silverman Program had a small part too as the bus driver badgering Jane.

Smiley Face is full of endless laughs from beginning to end. Of course, given that the whole movie is wrapped around the fact that Jane is so high, it is all very dumb comedy. Now I mean that in the sense of the main character being like this so everything she does follow this pattern. The script itself is pretty well written and really brought to the screen wonderfully through Araki and his cast. Smiley Face is actually very creative, packed full of completely out there and bizarre things. This really adds to the humor and it is really the little things that make this so good. Just some of the facial expressions especially some of those by Farris really build off of the enjoyment of the movie more. It almost puts you in a similar state of mind to Jane, but actually in a good way. As the audience we can enjoy the simplicity and embrace the wackiness that the film constantly displays.

Welcome to the fifth edition of Indie Scene. I’m still surprised that I’ve been going this long. The last time I went this far at something was… Christ, this may be the longest. Anyway, the fifth edition is a special edition. Instead of reviewing independent films that very little people have heard of, I teamed up with Anthony Thurber of FilmArcade.net’s Reviews From the Horror Chamber. We decided to split up the DVD releases of the After Dark Horrorfest films from last November. The films were released on DVD March 18, 2008.

If you don’t know what After Dark Horrorfest is, you’re in luck. The Horrorfest is in its second year, where eight horror films are released into selected theaters for one week, and usually they are shitty movies. Last year’s Horrorfest only released one good film, “The Gravedancers,” and only released one other in a nationwide theatrical release, “The Abandoned.” In this year’s After Dark Horrorfest, not a single film was given a nationwide theatrical release, which means something. Anthony Thurber and I separated the films so we had four each. Here is my half of the films.


“Borderland”
2007
** out of ****
Director: Zev Berman
Cast: Brian Presley, Martha Higareda, Rider Strong


First up on my list was “Borderland,” the only film in the After Dark Horrorfest series this year that was based on a true story. Three college students (Brian Presley, Jake Muxworthy, Rider Strong) go to Mexico after they graduate, to get high, hallucinate, and schplotz. Once one of the guys goes missing, the other two go looking for him. Many think that he has become captive by a sacrificial cult. The first forty minutes are boring. Nothing really goes on. The students talk about their future, get high, meet women, take mushrooms, and party for a few nights. If you can take “Hostel,” you can take this. The biggest problem with the film is not the pacing issues, however.

For “Borderland,” to be called a horror film is like calling “Horton Hears a Who” a raunchy sex comedy. It’s the farthest thing. Oh, it’s gory, but most of the gore comes in during the first scene. It has the cinematography that Tony Scott used for “Man on Fire,” and it definitely has the feel of “Man on Fire,” but a horror film it is not. The film, unlike many films in the After Dark Horrorfest, actually has some good acting. A lot of the great acting comes from Sean Astin, the same Sean Astin from “Lord of the Rings.” He plays the main villain in the film, unlike his usual portraying of a heroic character. Rider Strong doesn’t add much to the film as much as he should. The rest of the cast does a decent job. “Borderland,” while low on the scares and the story, takes advantage with some good acting. And that is all I can say that was good about it.


“Crazy Eights”
2006
½ out of ****
Director: James Koya Jones
Cast: Traci Lords, Frank Whaley, Dina Meyer


Next up I watched “Crazy Eights.” The film was released prior to the Horrorfest according to IMDb, so I’m guessing that it must be good… right? Actually, it is the worst of the four films that I was scheduled to review. Six childhood friends (George Newbern, Traci Lords, Frank Whaley, Dina Meyer, Gabrielle Anwar, Dan DeLuca) reunite at one friend’s funeral. They follow an address that was on the friend’s will, which ends them up to an abandoned house. They later realize that they were all tortured as tots in that place, where they begin to panic… and say that they have to leave… shit I just gave away the ending, huh?

“Crazy Eights” is the usual After Dark Horrorfest film – filled with shitty acting, shitty direction, shitty scares, shitty plot, but some fantastic fucking marketing. You remember “Captivity” last year? It might as well have been called “Poster,” because that was the best part of the actual film. Nothing was good about that movie… not even the credits. “Crazy Eights” is even worse. We can see the twist coming from the first thirty second of the film and director James Koya Jones never tries to turn it up. It’s bland, boring, and nothing new. This film was worse than last year’s After Dark Horrorfest’s “Wicked Little Things,” and that is saying A LOT.


“Lake Dead”
2007
*** out of ****
Director: George Bessudo
Cast: Kelsey Crane, Jim Devoti, Kelsey Wedeen


Finally. The next film on my list was “Lake Dead,” and it is the best one that I have watched so far. The film isn’t original, but it’s not supposed to be. I should explain. “Lake Dead” is to put as many horror movie clichés as one possibly can. You have the characters that no one likes, drugs, sex, nudity, an inbred family, a death, a will… While I just gave you the plot, I might as well go into further detail. Brielle (Kelsey Crane) and her fiancé Ben (Jim Devoti) wake up to a call from Brielle’s drunk father (Dan Woods), telling them that Brielle’s grandfather has died. In his will, Brielle and her two sisters Sam (Tara Gerard) and Kelli (Kelsey Wedeen) are left with a motel. Brielle and Ben let Sam know that they were going up after the funeral… and Sam goes up there… and gets killed by someone. Along with Brielle, Ben, and Kelli, Ben’s frat-brother Bill, (Alex A. Quinn) his wife Amy, (Vanessa Viola) and Kelli’s friend Tanya, (Malea Richardson) they go camping for a few nights while traveling to the hotel… and then they meet the inbreds in ways that they never wanted to.

“Lake Dead” doesn’t have many scares in it, but it likes to homage some of the great horror films that have bestowed upon us in the past three decades. The film spots clear references to “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” “The Hills Have Eyes,” “The Last House on the Left,” and many more films. The showdown in the end is a lot like “The Hills Have Eyes,” and it very rarely misses a beat. The worst part about the film is the very bad acting. It is like that they hired all of the steaming hot actresses that acted in Cinemax late-night specials instead of actresses that could act (which really isn’t a problem with me, but let’s be frank here… there is only one pair shown here and it’s not from the lead actress). Aside from that, I really don’t see much problem with Lake Dead. It’s not great, but compared to all of the other After Dark films, “Lake Dead” is a fucking masterpiece.


“Tooth and Nail”
2007
* out of ****
Director: Mark Young
Cast: Michael Madsen, Vinnie Jones, Rider Strong


The last film I checked out was “Tooth and Nail,” and boy, was this sadly misplaced in the After Dark Horrorfest. It’s the farthest thing from a horror film. The film was more of an apocalyptic science fiction film rather than a horror film. If there were scares, I would like Mark Young, the director, to point them out to me. Hell, a lot of the film was so laughably bad that I would like the guy to show me any REAL humor that was in the film. And you know your movie is bad when Michael Madsen, the best part of “Bloodrayne,” couldn’t even work his magic with this film. But hey, it wasn’t as bad as “Crazy Eights” was. Once the last bit of oil is gone, shit goes downhill. Nothing can run, and people begin to die…

Wait a fucking second – so without oil, people BEGIN to die? What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? Am I fucking missing something here? So you mean to tell ME that without oil, we would all be dead? Jesus Christ some people really need new ideas. What in the hell happened to some great works like “Blood Car?” Anyway, a small group of survivors stay in an abandoned hospital. They are later invaded by cannibals. Yeah, the movie is stupid and so am I for watching it. What I really hated about the movie is how the film tries to rely on the twists and turns, but they all fall short in the end. It’s like watching a M. Night Shyamalan film that falters halfway through the actual twist. It could have been a lot better if the entire film was played cool instead of throwing stupid twists at the audience. In the end, “Tooth and Nail” was a waste of time, just like most of the After Dark films this year. I sure hope Anthony Thurber faired out better than I did…


That’s it for this week’s edition of Indie Scene. Next week, I’ll give you a look into two very different independent films, and one of my favorite independent films that I’ve ever seen. So for now, keep reading, and do yourself a favor and stay the hell away from films from the After Dark guys. There are films like “100 Tears” that need your attention. Anthony Thurber's half will be posted in this week's edition of Reviews From the Horror Chamber.

Horrors of War

Year: 2006
Directors: John Whitney, Peter John Ross
Stars: John Osbeck, Joe Lorenzon, Daniel Alan Kelly
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: Maverick Entertainment / Hollywood Wizard
Running Time: 91 Mins
Review Rating: 4 Stars
Official Website: http://www.horrorsofwarmovie.com/

Horrors of War is a horror/war movie that has been well received on the film festival circuit. It has played in many film festivals including the Indie Gathering Film Festival, Shriekfest Film Festival, It Came From Lake Michigan Film Festival, Dark Xmas film Festival, while winning awards at the Bare Stage Film Screenings and the Columbus International Film Festival. The film is now currently out on DVD via Maverick Entertainment.

The film takes place, at the height of World War II, where Hitler is desperate to win at all cost. He turns to his obsession with mystical forces and science. With those ingredients, he’s created a new type of solider that can be unstoppable to its enemies. He unleashes his newest creation at the Allied forces. Once his plan works, the American Army begins to fight back when they decide to destroy all of Hitler’s labs. But a group of soldiers get shot down in occupied France and they find themselves in a race for survival as they trapped between the German army and Hitler’s unstoppable monstrous soldiers.

Horrors of War is a dream come true for those grindhouse fans that love war and horror movies. Both directors John Whitney and Peter John Ross did a very good job making his horror/war movie enjoyable. They make this film feel like a vintage film that the shot during that period. This film kind of reminded me a little bit of another low-budget war film called Straight Into Darkness, which was directed by Jeff Burr (Eddie Presley, Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3) and released in 2006. Unlike in Straight Into Darkness, where the film felt like didn’t have much action until the end of the film, Horrors of War doesn’t make that mistake. Whitney and Ross deliver on the war aspects more frequently here. They also use some good techniques with the flashback scenes and the scenes when the creatures are stalking the soldiers. It made the film more interesting and intense. Whitney and Ross also did a good job directing their actors. The directors made their actors portray their characters like ordinary soldiers while letting them give personalities to their characters. It really comes out very well in the final product.

The screenplay, which was written by Whitney, Ross, and Phillp R. Garrett, combines the elements of horror and war genres to give us a very good grindhouse film. The story was much different than what I’m used to seeing in most war films, but it was good to see some originality. The writers do that by mixing in characters like mad scientists and creatures, things that you usually see in a horror film. This works for this story because the writers focus on the missions and the scares, instead of focusing one main central character going Rambo on everyone.

If you are a fan of War and horror film, you will appreciate Horror of War for both the style in which it was shot and the action that takes place during the wars scenes. The film is now available from Maverick Entertainment.

Dvd Extras:

Documentaries
Visual FX Demo
Behind the Scenes
Trailers

And also you can download the commentary track for the film, by going to the film's official website at http://www.horrorsofwarmovie.com/

Writer/Director/Producer - Bill Zebub

Bill's Myspace Page - CLICK HERE

Being a horror movie fan, I'm sure you have sat there more than once watching a movie and thought to yourself, "Self, this is the worst fucking movie I have EVER seen!". Evidently Mr. Zebub has seen a few himself because he has decided to make a satire of said movies. Bad acting, shitty effects, nonsensical story, retarded characters, obvious production mistakes, etc. The one-man movie machine (he wrote, directed, starred in, shat on, and produced TWHMEM) tackles all of the bad movie clichés with fervor and wallows around in them. (READ MORE)

13 Hours in a Warehouse
Year: 2008
Director: Dav Kaufman
Stars: Danny Selman, Chares Bonin, Meisha Johnson
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Running Time: 93 Mins
Review Rating: 5 Stars
Official Website: http://www.13hoursmovie.com/


13 Hours in a Warehouse recently had it world premiere at the Nevermore Film Festival

The film is about a group of hired thieves who spend the night in abandon warehouse along with a hostage, after their heist went perfect. As they wait for their boss to arrive in the morning, two of the thieves knew the place was used for a porn studio. Soon numbers begin to strangely appear all over the warehouse and slowly find out that the warehouse was more than a porn studio. Now the thieves have a big problem, as they find out that there is a mysterious presence that is haunting the place and they don’t want them to see daylight.

I see usually three to four horror films a week. I admit it takes me fifteen – twenty minutes to get into a movie every time I review a feature length film. However, 13 Hours in a Warehouse had me hooked from the first shot on.

13 Hours in a Warehouse is one of the most original supernatural horror films I’ve seen in a while from both the independent and major studios systems. Writer/Director Dav Kaufman did a very good job with the directing and screenplay aspects of the film. He sets the tone early, when has his main characters talking like characters found in a Quentin Tarantino film. Amazingly, these characters worked for this type of film. The characters help get your interest level up so that you are interested in the film later on. Kaufman’s direction of the actors was very good. Their performances come out very well, as the actors seemed energized. The effects were also very good. The ghost effects were creepy and static looking, which helped them look frightening on screen.

Kaufman’s screenplay is very original for a supernatural film, like this. I liked how Dav Kaufman blends elements of films like Reservoir Dogs, Saw, Hostel, and Heist together here. The element helps make this supernatural horror film original and keeps your attention through out. The story was very good. Kaufman’s Story also has a lot of twists and turns that keeps the film interesting. Kaufman makes the thieves likeable, in the same way Taratino does with his films. He also does the same with the ghosts, as you have to remember that the thieves were also bad guys in the film. The scares were very effective especially when the disturbing elements were added in midway through the film.

The acting makes this film even more enjoyable for me. The actors were very into their roles. The male leads were just great with each other. The chemistry with each other was very good. These five actors would fit right into a low-budget Quentin Tarantino film, if he’d make another low-budget film.

13 Hours in a Warehouse is a film that you should definitely watch out on the festival circuit. The film delivers on the scares and character twists. This is a film that you should definitely check out if it plays at your local film festival.

You can catch the next screening of 13 Hours in a Warehouse at the Indie Spirit Film Festival on Saturday April 26th in Colorado Springs, Co.

For time of the screening visit the Indie Spirit Film Festival website at http://www.indiespiritfilmfestival.org/.

Richard Widmark, famously known for his role in "Kiss of Death," has been found dead in his home. He reportedly died of a long illness. He was 93. Rest in peace.

Yeah, I know. FilmArcade.net hasn’t been “in” on the news lately. Truth is, there aren’t enough hours in a day to post all of the news that has been happening. So without further ado, I pronounce to you a new section of film news called K.I.S.S. News, which stands for Keep It Simple Stupid News. This is a basic summary of one whole news article in one or two sentences. This will be posted every, say, two or three days? Or whenever the hell news happens.



Keanu Reeves has finally announced that he wouldn’t be starring in a sequel to the 2005 film “Constantine.” Whether or not it is released is another story.


Elizabeth Banks is set to play First Lady Laura Bush in a biopic of George W. Bush. The film is being directed by Oliver Stone.


Jamie King is playing the lead actress in the remake of the cult-classic horror film, “My Bloody Valentine.” It will be released a few weeks before the remake of “Friday the 13th,” and will be 3D to boot.



FirstShowing.net reports that Ian McKellen will return to play Gandalf in “The Hobbit.”


James Gandolfini has been casted in the role once played by Lee Wallace in Tony Scott’s rendition of “The Taking of Pelham One, Two, Three.” The remake is said to be released next summer.


TV personality Jared Padalecki has been set to play an investigator in the remake of “Friday the 13th.” The film is going to suck. Do they even KNOW that Jason wasn’t in the original “Friday” (until the last second)?


Julie Benz is set to play in “Saw V.” Little is known about the movie aside from the fact she is in it.

Simon Pegg, star of the next installment of the "Star Trek" films, has confirmed that there will be at least two more films following the film released in 2009. Pegg's contract allows him three films in the "Star Trek" series. The next installment will be released in May next year, directed by J.J. Abrams ("Mission: Impossible 3," "Lost").

In response to the Stop Darth Weinstein boycott, the Weinstein company has announced today that they would release both versions of the films on DVD, with them later deciding which one to release in theaters. This was probably so they would shut people up, but no one has shut up yet. Now, the SDW guys are even madder, and they will do everything in the power to see the originally intended film in theaters. We support them one hundred percent of the way. NO SUPERHERO!

I knew I should have done this ages ago, but everytime I wrote