“All you gotta do is go pick up a kid in New Jersey, and drive him down to D.C. How hard can that be, huh? Can't be that hard, no, can it?” – Bruce Willis, “Live Free or Die Hard”

“He's going to be the best, if they don't destroy him first.” – Matthew Fox, “Speed Racer”

“They say the best weapon is one you never have to fire. I prefer the weapon you only need to fire once. That's how dad did it, that's how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.” – Robert Downey, Jr., “Iron Man.”


Last year was easily the most anticipated summer since 2002. It was “The Year of the Threequels,” or “The Year of the Apatow.” Whatever one you chose to call it, it was a special one. Sure, a lot of them were misses. You can’t say ‘disappointment’ without thinking of “Spider-Man III.” Some movies surprised the hell out of me – “Ocean’s Thirteen,” “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix,” and “Death Sentence” gave me more than what I bargained for. It’s obvious that the best time I had at the theater last summer was “Live Free or Die Hard.” Dare say it wasn’t your best and you were lying. Because that came out a week before “Transformers,” which also sucked ass. But I saw that coming from a mile away. What I didn’t see coming from a mile away was “Hairspray.” I had a grin on my face throughout the entire movie. I still love it to this day. Though “Die Hard 4.0” was the most fun I had last year, “Ratatouille” is easily the best film last summer. Never has Pixar made a film with so much heart (it can change this year, however). Films like “28 Weeks Later” and “Bug” didn’t make as much money as they should have. Also released at that time was “Balls of Fury,” starring Dan Fogler. You all know what I think about that by now, right?

But I’m still really looking forward to this summer’s movie lineup. With the exception of two flicks (“Sex in the City” and “The X-Files 2”), I’m looking forward to almost all of the films that are being released. Obvious ones like “Indiana Jones IV,” “The Dark Knight,” and “Iron Man” are on my list that I’m really looking forward to. Obvious ones like “Meet Dave” and “The Love Guru” are going to end up being on my worst of 2008 list. But I will admit that I’m looking forward to Uwe Boll’s “Postal.” I’m looking forward to this film so damn much. Even though I’m starting to get sick of Uwe Boll talking shit to Michael Bay and Eli Roth, “Postal” looks like a lot of fun. Another movie that looks awesome is “American Teen.” Did any of you guys see that preview? It looks absolutely amazing. Being a teenager, it makes me feel better that there is finally a documentary that teenagers can be interested in. And dare I say it, but “The Strangers” looks creepier and creepier each and every time I see the trailer.

Judd Apatow still strikes this summer. Not once, not twice, but three times. The first time is “You Don’t Mess With Zohan.” I hated Adam Sandler’s last comedy “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,” which was released last summer. This one doesn’t look any better. It looks actually much stupider and tiring. I guess Sandler needs money too right? The second time around is “Step Brothers.” The combo of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly combining together again two years after “Talladega Nights” keeps me wanting more from this movie, but from the looks of the trailer, it looks like the film will be nothing special. I’m really looking forward to Apatow’s third film, “Pineapple Express.” Starring Apatow regulars Seth Rogan and James Franco, the trailer garnered a few laughs from me. Although I’ll admit, the first R-rated trailer didn’t make me laugh the least bit, but I really liked the mild down trailers used in theaters. None of these three comedies can beat “Get Smart” and “Tropic Thunder” in the end. “Get Smart” looks absolutely hilarious. Steve Carrel is god. I love the entire trailer.

This year just may be the Year of the Downey. Between “Iron Man” and “Tropic Thunder,” he is sure to make a name for himself. It feels like just yesterday when I rented a copy of “Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang,” and I had no idea who this guy was. He is slowly becoming my favorite actor. It’s obvious that he will be considered famous after “Iron Man,” but everyone is going to LOVE him in “Tropic Thunder.” Honestly – how can you resist a black Robert Downey, Jr.? This is going to be too funny. Word is that the film will contain fake trailers. Between these and the trailers shown before “Iron Man” (new “Incredible Hulk,” “Indiana Jones,” and “The Dark Knight”!!!), this will easily keep my expectations at ease by the end of the season. Downey has a little cameo in “The Incredible Hulk” playing Tony Stark also, which will excite me over a month after the film comes out.

Speaking of superhero movies, there are five this summer alone. “Iron Man,” like I said above, looks great. I wasn’t too impressed by the original trailer for “The Incredible Hulk,” but now that I begin to think about it, I’m starting to think that this film may be pretty damn good. I don’t know much about “Hancock,” other than the fact that it stars Will Smith. It comes out the same weekend that “Transformers” was released last year. I don’t know how that will fare out. I wasn’t a fan of “Hellboy.” Truth is I actually hated it. But I’ll admit that I forget the entire film and I will probably see it once more before “The Golden Army” is released into theaters. But “The Golden Army” looks amazing. Del Toro is really doing a great job at making a name. With this and the next two “Hobbit” films on his back, I’m starting to think that he can rule the movie universe. And “The Dark Knight” – where can I begin with this? It will be a hard film to watch, with what being Heath Ledger’s sudden death. I still don’t know if I’m over it. He was an enormous talent. He was awesome to watch. No matter what film he starred in, he always played it to his best ability. That being said, I want to see him go out with a bang.

I think I’m the only one that is really looking forward to “Speed Racer.” Would you believe me if I told you that my favorite game in the world was “Hot Wheels: World Race?” Countless memories come from that game, where I would sit at home playing it on the PS2, listening to the radio, and just being the lazy ass that I am. “Speed Racer” will not only help recreate that period of time in my life, but it will help me remember what it was like to have fun at the movies. One year ago from that weekend was “28 Weeks Later.” It was enormously fun. I couldn’t be anymore honest with you when I tell you that it surprised the shit out of me. Yes I was wary that Danny Boyle wasn’t sitting back in the director’s chair, but I felt better once I saw the trailer. It hit me hard. Like “Across the Universe” hard. But “Speed Racer” has nothing to do with “28 Weeks Later,” other than the fact that it looks utterly fantastic, just like that movie was.

It’s hard to admit to your friends that you are looking forward to a film like “Mamma Mia.” After “Hairspray” came out, I made it my goal to see every musical I could get my hands on in the theater. Last year I was able to see “Across the Universe” and “Sweeney Todd” while they were in theaters during the fall season. It was great to see them both on screen, but I’m sure that nothing will beat “Mamma Mia.” I’m not a big ABBA fan either, but back when I was younger, I listened to those ABBA wannabes that called themselves The A-Teens. “Mamma Mia” looks like a lot of fun, and with a cast like that, how could you go wrong? Almost everyone is looking forward to “Indiana Jones” coming back to the big screen. I’m looking forward to it also, but I can’t help but fear that I’ll be disappointed. Something about the film is catching me very uneasily. Why haven’t we seen more trailers for the film? I know I don’t pay attention to it more than I should, but am I missing something? It just may be that I wasn’t around to experience what the marketing was like back when the original trilogy was released. But hell, if this movie is anything like “Indiana Jones Breaks His Hip,” I’m leaving.

I’m looking forward to “Midnight Meat Train” also. I have a feeling that even though I might be disappointed, what with the sudden release date changes and all, there is a slight chance that I can be wrong. “Midnight Meat Train” is based on a tale by Clive Barker, a man that has his own little cult. I don’t know what is up with that, being that I never read anything of his, I never have seen “Hellraiser,” (ask Royce and let him tell you about that) and I don’t like cults, unless if you consider “Fight Club” as a cult. But in all seriousness, the film looks like another torture porn film. I’m hoping that it could be the complete opposite, but I have asked that before. God gave me “Captivity.” He gave me hell.

If there is one movie that I am not looking forward to, it is M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Happening.” It’s not that I think it is a bad concept. Actually, I think it is a pretty damn fine one that can be done by anyone… but Shyamalan. I’m sorry, but I have the feeling in the pit of my stomach that he’ll fuck it up with a shitty twist. With a cast like that, it should be really good. But I wouldn’t be surprised if I said that I hated it. Of course, I’m not looking forward to Mike Myers’s “The Love Guru.” The guy is still alive? I thought after “The Cat in the Hat” he jumped off a bridge. How does Austin Powers star in a film so unfunny like “The Cat in the Hat,” then star in a film like this? It doesn’t matter, because Steve Carrel will beat it opening weekend. Mark my words. And then I shouldn’t really have to explain why I do not want to see “Meet Dave,” the new science-fiction comedy starring Eddie Murphy as… umm… Dave. Or maybe it is Pluto Nash.

Everyone has been asking me what film I am looking forward to the most. After last year’s “Ratatouille,” which I originally predicted that I would hate, I began looking forward to Pixar’s next film, “Wall-E.” Oh, does this one look literally fantastic. Every time I see something new from the film my eyes are shot with astonishment. How can this NOT look awesome? It may be Pixar’s silent film, but that’s good enough for me. The biggest problem I think I will have is that it is directed by the same guy who directed “Finding Nemo.” I don’t know if you guys all know it, but “Finding Nemo” is one of the worst films I think I’ve ever seen. But I digress. All I need is a likeable character, and I think I can get through the movie. Because the problem with “Finding Nemo” was that I just felt like SLAPPING the shit out of those characters. Or maybe taking them out of the fish-bowl. Either one would satisfy me.

But Summer Movie Season 2008 will be beginning in about twenty-two hours as I’m putting on the finishing touches on the article. “Iron Man” will be premiering at 8 P.M. at many of your local theaters, and I can’t help but be excited. Could this Summer Movie Season be about “Indiana Jones?” Or “The Dark Knight?” Maybe “Tropic Thunder” can kick the shit out of both of them. But let’s wait and see. After all, we have four months. Let’s get comfortable in those movie seats, shall we?

aka Frontier(s)

Writer/Director: Xavier Gens
Cast: Karina Testa, Aurélien Wiik, Patrick Ligardes, David Saracino, Maud Forget, Samuel Le Bihan, Estelle Lefébure

Official Website

Release Date: 5/13/2008

DVD Specs: NTSC Region 1 / Unrated Version / DD 5.1 French Audio / English Subtitles / Widescreen

Sometimes when you watch the kind of movies that you and I watch, you may get a little jaded. A little numb. You grow a little cold to all of the sex, violence and gore thrust on you by the seemingly never-ending lot of new Fulci and Miike wanna-bes. It's OK, it comes with the territory. But sometimes - not often enough - but sometimes a movie and a filmmaker comes along that jars you out of your coma of depravity. Frontière(s) is that movie and Xavier Gens is that writer/director. (READ MORE!)

Rated: PG

Directed by: Stephen Walker

Runtime: 1 hr 50 mins

Young @ Heart (which originally aired on BBC) is a documentary about a vocal group from Northampton, MA, who have earned an international reputation for their enthusiastic acappella renditions of well-known contemporary tunes. They are a group of about two dozen senior citizens (average age 81). You may have heard of the Young at Heart Chorus or seen clips of them on YouTube. They also recently appeared on the Ellen show.

Filmmaker, Stephen Walker, follows the chorus, under the direction of Bob Climan, for seven rigorous weeks as they prepare for their big show. Rehearsal and performance footage is woven toegther with the quirky music videos sparkling with humor and interviews with many of the chorus members (who explain how much the group means to them). I just loved the simple shots of a row of sensibly shoed feet tapping along to the beat. My only complaint about the film was the fact that Walker seemed to force himself into the movie by overkilling voiceover narration. Just as his interview subjects start to get interesting, he cuts away to his own observations. Had the chorus remained the sole focus of the documentary, it would have been 100% brilliant.

However, the charm of these performers overcomes whatever clumsiness the film crew throws at you. Climan is an absolute pleasure to watch as he enthusiastically drives the group to reach levels they otherwise would not achieve. The truly amazing thing is the range of song choices as the group dives into rock, punk, disco and more. The singers perform some very unique interpretations of songs by The Ramones, The Clash, Sonic Youth, Cold Play, David Bowie, James Brown and the BeeGees. These old folks doing "I wanna be sedated" is classic.



I absolutely fell in love with the two main stars of the chorus. Eileen Hall, age 92, is such a hoot! She opens the film belting out "Should I stay or should I go?" She embodies everything I aspire to be when I'm her age. Fred Knittle, age 81, is a gem. Suffering from breathing problems as well as congestive heart failure, he uses an oxygen tube. But his voice still rings out strong. During "Riders in the Sky" he hits the low notes with a mellow perfection I wasn't expecting. "I can still get down there," he said. "It all depends on how loose my shorts are." Plus you haven't seen "Stayin' Alive" until you've seen it led by Knittle wearing the trademark white suit, accessorized with an oxygen tank.

Young @ Heart provides the perfect combination of good natured humor and emotional struggle, as the chorus members stave off the debilitating effects of old age and cope with heartbreaking losses within their ranks. The chorus members bare their souls to us in ways that make us laugh along with them and fear for them at the same time. I was left awestruck by their determined efforts to stay active and think positive, even as their friends succumb to illness. This group of elderly people are true entertainers and work remarkably hard at their craft. A rehearsal and performance schedule like this would be demanding even for trained professionals in their prime. These folks made it look so easy, but you are also very aware that death is always lurking backstage.

Towards the end of the film, at the prison concert, the chorus' version of "Forever Young" has the inmates and the movie going audience in tears. Then the highlight of the big show is Knittle performing "Fix You" in one of the most memorable and moving moments on film I have ever seen. The song was intended to be a duet, but tragically the cycle of life intervened. The show must go on and so Fred does the number solo in tribute to his recently deceased singing partner.

Young @ Heart is a poignant testimony to the resiliency of the human spirit and to aging with grace and bravado. It proves that talent and passion have no age limit. It makes an eloquent statement about the twilight of a well-lived life. It is one of the most delightful and inspirational films I've seen in a long time. I give it 5 out of 5 stars.

If you didn't notice, we now have a new layout. Yeah, it is still black, but we now have a three column layout. If you didn't notice from earlier, the banner still isn't working, and there are a few bugs that have to be fixed, but for now, it'll stay like this. How does it look compared to the very small two column layout?

We also have much more updates coming, such as...


- Forums. Yeah, those things that I promised a LONG time ago. They're coming.

- FilmArcade Radio... will any of you guys listen?

- A little something that I've been thinking about. Will not say here though, since it is still being under wraps.


Have a great week!

- TonyD, Hardcore Film Maniac

Good evening everyone; you’re reading the 3rd edition of Diggin’ Into the DVD Archive, aka DIDA, written by myself, Randy. Now let me just start off by saying that I have worked out my reviewing schedule. It has been awhile since you have seen ANYTHING from me… and I apologize for that. I planned on reviewing “Drillbit Taylor” and “Leatherheads” for FilmArcade and “Prom Night” for my blog, however, never got around to doing any of them. Things have been extremely hectic these last three weeks, and I have been unbelievably busy, and so I have been doing my best here. However, here is what I have worked out:

DIDA will be posted EVERY OTHER Saturday. Yes, I realize today is Monday. However, for some reason, the last two nights when I went to post this, blogger would not let me log into my account. I contacted them last night via email, and everything has been fixed (I needed to reset my password). But from now on, you can look forward to DIDA every other Saturday. That means the next edition will be posted Saturday May 3rd. As for theatrical releases, my schedule is clear until May, in which I have Indiana Jones to review right here on FilmArcade. I will also be doing some others for my blog, however, none of that is important now.

Just as a heads up, I will not be writing a little end-of-the-month update for April. There hasn’t been that much going on in the last month (or, at least not enough to make an article out of it), so we’ll see what May will bring. As always, we have had absolute excellence from our FilmArcade reviewers. And as it gets closer and closer to summer, and as the summer blockbusters begin to come out, I can only expect better and better.

Ok, so let’s get back to this edition of DIDA. I got two emails with suggestions for this week’s issue: One was from an old friend from a previous website I had written for, and the other, surprisingly was from a FilmArcade reader, who wanted me to review his favorite movie: “Forrest Gump”. In my friend’s email, he actually suggested about twenty movies, but one especially caught my eye: “Apollo 13”. It was really the only one that appealed to me (sorry, Ron!), and I knew that Tom Hanks played a role in it. So, I suddenly got an idea: to do a special, Tom Hanks edition. So, I put the two movies together for this special edition of DIDA: All About Tom Hanks.

So there you have it! This week, you get a special themed edition of DIDA. So enjoy, leave your comments if you so choose, and check back on May 3rd for the very next edition.


“Forrest Gump”
1994
**** out of ****
Director: Robert Zemeckis
Cast: Tom Hanks, Robin Wright Penn, Gary Sinise

Forrest Gump… an old one. However, my favorite movie of all time. And what’s more, one of the very few movies that can brag to its fellow movies that it is a part of my four stars club. For those of you that don’t know me, I am very critical with movies, and you will hardly ever see me give a film four stars. However, there are a select few that have made it into the four stars club, and this is one of them.

Tom Hanks takes on the tough role of playing a mentally challenged man in this clever parody of historical events, and Tom Hanks does an excellent job. Forrest Gump is a mentally challenged man whose character is cleverly written into major historical events throughout the 60s and 70s. Gump finds himself fighting in the Vietnam War, going to a Black Panther party, and investing in Apple computers to make millions. He creates the slogan, “**it happens”, and was responsible for the first yellow shirt with a smiley face on it. He also became a world-famous table tennis player, and founded his own shrimping company, Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. All the while he is wishing that he could be with the woman he loves, ah, sweet Jenny. All throughout the movie as we hear of Forrest’s adventures, we also hear of how he constantly thinks of Jenny.

This is an amazing movie. I recommend it to all. This film is serious, funny, and touching all at the same time. As Forrest goes on telling us his life story, we cannot help but to laugh, or to feel sorry from him. And the way they put his character into actual historical events was probably the cleverest thing I have seen in a film (other than the ending to “The Sixth Sense”). Tom Hanks does an excellent job portraying the role of the mentally challenged man trying to carry out a normal life. However, Forrest Gump is far from normal. And I don’t necessarily mean that in a bad way.

Superb. 4 out of 4.


Apollo 13”
1995
** and ½ out of ****
Director: Ron Howard
Cast: Tom Hanks, Bill Paxton, Kevin Bacon

“Apollo 13” is not a fictional film. It is based on a true story. On April 11th, 1970, the space shuttle Apollo 13 left Earth on a mission to land on the moon. With three men, James A. Lovell, John L. Swigert, and Fred W. Haise on board, there was an explosion that damaged their craft badly. Their oxygen tanks were the primary source of their trouble that April’s day: They had been damaged during the explosion, and now the three astronauts were running low on air. With their heat shield also banged up during the explosion, it would be difficult to reenter the atmosphere without incinerating in the fire.

Tom Hanks (Lovell) and his co-stars Paxton and Bacon (Haise and Swigert) do an excellent job of portraying the fear and emotion of what was actually going on in that shuttle that day. We get a great look at what the conditions were like in the shuttle, and how the astronauts were affected by the explosion. We feel emotion from the movie: As you watch, you are hoping along with everyone else that they can get this ship to work. This was the 1970s… The Russians were all over space by then, but the Americans were new to this stuff. This was a new thing to them, and they were all trying to figure out how to get those three men home.

A very suspenseful film. Excellent acting by all three of the stars along with great special effects and visual and you have a good movie. I did enjoy this. There were some things that didn’t appeal to me as much, such as the NASA crew. To me, (and I don’t know if this is bad acting or inaccurate portrayal) they seemed like a bunch of blubbering idiots! I find it very hard to believe that the same people that could get a 10,000 pound spacecraft into the air, out of Earth, and into space would be such morons when it came to this. Like I said before, NASA was new to this space stuff at the time; however, you would think they would be prepared for things to go wrong.

I liked this. This is also an emotional film, especially if you lived while this was happening for real… you look back and remember the news and the radio broadcasts. All in all, I think it’s a good film. Better than I a lot I have seen. 2 ½ out of 4.

Looks like that does it for this edition of Diggin’ Into the DVD Archive. I still am looking for films to do for the next edition. If you would like to suggest a movie for me to review here for DIDA, leave your comment on this post, or send me a quick email here at pittsburghboy36@hotmail.com and I would be glad to review it for you.

Well, that’s all folks. Check back on May 3rd for the next edition. I hope everyone has a wonderful next couple of weeks. Until next time, you know what I say: Happy reviewing!

“Welcome to the Dollhouse”
Directed by Todd Solondz


No matter it seems to (un)impress me, but the days where I was younger just wasn’t has great as what some people consider they were to be. I’m sure I’ll look back at my days and say that I regret not doing this or that, but for now, I’m still saying the my younger years (from age 8 to age 12) just wasn’t as fun as what the media portrays childhood to be like.

It’s obvious that director Todd Solondz didn’t like his childhood to much either. His film “Welcome to the Dollhouse,” starring a very young and still very ugly Heather Matarazzo (and yes, to this day, she still looks like a very large pile of cat-turds), is an interesting look into the life of a seventh grade girl struck between love, bullying, popularity, and being noticed.

It is time where I shall say that Heather Matarazzo’s character, Dawn Wiener, is the most accurate portrayal of a seventh grade girl that I think I have ever seen. She did a better job than the girls in my fucking seventh grade class did. Dawn is relatable, confused, frightened, ugly, fat, and weak. She is the girls with the cooties. She is who we fear and she fears us.

“Welcome to the Dollhouse” tells the tale about Dawn Wiener. No one likes her at school. EVERYONE picks on her. One boy (Brandon Sexton III) will threaten to beat her friend’s ass and rape her after school ends after each and every school day. Wiener goes home and spends time with her mom and dad, (Angela Pietroopinto and Bill Buell) who never realize that she is there, her bratty younger sister, (Daria Kalinia) who gets ALL of the attention, and her wannabe rock-star brother, (Matthew Faber) who is in a band with the hottest, horniest, and best singer in the school. (Eric Mabius)

The film, without any real plot, goes to show the day in the life of Dawn Wiener. But what some people don’t understand that while watching the film is that we are seeing the film through the eyes of a seventh grade girl. I’ll never forget the time being in the seventh grade when I heard girls about their fears of being raped and being alone. It is obvious that everyone has those types of fears, but being at the tender age of 12, Dawn Wiener has heard of these fears, but just doesn’t know how to react to them as much as some adults do.

That being said, “Welcome to the Dollhouse” probably never happened. Yeah, I know it is a movie, so it never actually happened. But the film is being seen through the eyes of young Matarazzo. She is confused with love, lonely, and wants to be noticed and liked. This may not be the tale of a real-life person, but instead a fabricated tale created by the mind of a young girl.

Many people haven’t seen Terry Gilliam’s “Tideland.” In some instances, I don’t blame them. Before the film starts, Terry Gilliam hops on screen and says that you have to remind yourself that we’re watching the film from a little girl’s point-of-view. The entire flick is imaginative. Though that film is a fantasy and this film COULD happen, it’s being seen through the eyes of two characters that are very alike. Matarazzo’s character isn’t imaginative. She just hates her life. She thinks no one pays attention to her. She thinks she’s fat. She thinks that no one likes her. She thinks someone wants to rape her. It’s her fear – being rejected.

Then again, after all, isn’t that all of our fears in some way or another?

“Welcome to the Dollhouse” never actually spoke volumes back during its release date. It took a while for people to take notice of the film and the director himself. Since then, the film has become a cult hit. The cast has gotten new roles, most notably Mabius’s character in the American sitcom “Ugly Betty” (does anyone even watch that show anymore?) and Heather Matarazzo in “Hostel II.” Yes, the scene where she gets tortured is the best scene in the movie, but it’s not really that hard since the movie sucked.

Like “Hostel II,” her character is very unlikeable here. Automatically, we hate her. We don’t even know her yet and just by looking at her from a picture it is already just too easy to despise her. She will be the girl at school that you just want to slap the shit out of for being there. There are instances in the film where she wants to do it to herself, but not because everyone hates her, but because she hates herself.

There is a scene where she asks Mabius’s character if he would like to join her “Special People” club. She doesn’t know what the meaning of special people is and she thinks that special people means… well… people who think they’re special. But then he informs her it means retarded, and that her club is for retards. She runs away thinking that she is a retard and hates herself for it. She calls her only friend a fag because she never knew what it meant.

The term “Welcome to the Dollhouse” is not supposed to be a happy term. We consider a “dollhouse” to be perfect and clean. It turns out that this dollhouse is more of a figurative phrase for hell. Everything here is a symbol of hell. The characters are hell, the setting is hell (it takes place in my home-state of New Jersey, I’ll have you know), and just thinking about the movie is hell. But I’ll have you know that “Welcome to the Dollhouse” is the best movie to take place in hell.

Fuck you, “Wristcutters.”


On the next UFC: I’m taking a break for something that I’m going to call “Movie Review Cleanup” for all of my sites and Hardcore Film Maniac blog, but when I return in two weeks, be prepared to see an analyzer analyze a movie that shouldn’t be analyzed in the first place, Tom Green’s masterpiece “Freddy Got Fingered.”

Rated: R

Cast: Dennis Quaid, Ellen Page, Thomas Haden Church, Sarah Jessica Parker

Directed by: Noam Murro

Smart People takes place in the world of Pittsburgh academia. Lawrence Wetherhold (Dennis Quaid) is a widowed literature professor and frustrated novelist who specializes in berating his students. His obnoxious, Young Republican daughter, Vanessa (Ellen Page), acts as a surrogate housewife in her, in the absence of her late mother. Then chaos ensues with unwelcome arrival of Lawrence’s slacker stepbrother, Chuck, (Thomas Haden Church) who basically takes over the house. Lawrence suffers a seizure and loses his driver's license for six months. Reluctantly, he hires Chuck as his driver. Meanwhile, the unlikable Lawrence finds himself attracted to Janet (Sarah Jessica Parker) the doctor who treated him in the ER, unaware that she is a former student of his who once had a crush on him.

Although Smart People isn't based on a novel, novelist Mark Jude Poirier wrote the completely wretched screenplay. Terminally dull is the best way to describe it... with no clear plot. It never develops into a story that is believable or even particularly interesting. The pacing was all over the place. Twenty minutes into the film, the acoustic-guitar score was already sounding like the movie was about to end. First-time director Noam Murro gets muddled up in characters' collective depression and forgets to give us any back story that makes the viewer care about why everyone is so sad. With a cast like this, one would assume that you would at least be able to like some of the characters. But Page, in her first performance since Juno, is completely cynical and devoid of charm in this role. Haden Church came off as smarmy. Quaid is extremely loathesome and just grated on my nerves. Parker’s entire storyline seemed like an afterthought and you never understand what she sees in Lawrence.

I waited a while to write this review, hoping that I could come up with at least a few positive things to say about this film. But nothing came to mind. I can only give Smart People 1/2 out of 5 stars. Smart People will avoid this movie at all costs.

DIRECTED BY
Danny Leiner (GTWC) & Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg (EFGB)

STARRING
John Cho - Harold Lee
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
Paula Garces - Maria
Neil Patrick Harris - Neil Patrick Harris
David Krumholtz - Goldstein
Eddie Kaye Thomas - Rosenberg
Christopher Meloni - Freakshow (GTWC) & KKK Grand Wizard (EFGB)
Ethan Embry - Billy Carver (GTWC)
Rob Corddry - Ron Fox (EFGB)
Danneel Harris - Vanessa (EFGB)
Eric Winter - Colton (EFGB)

GTWC - 4 Howls Outta 4
EFGB - 3.5 Howls Outta 4


Stoner comedies have become a beloved sub-genre in the film world of comedy. Ever since Cheech & Chong made being high not only cool, but funny as hell, other filmmakers have followed suit with their own stories of being under the influence of narcotics. Films like THE BIG LEBOWSKI, GRANDMA'S BOY, HALF BAKED, and DAZED AND CONFUSED have showcased the spectacle that is being a pot smoker, bringing laughs to those who know exactly what it feels like and to others who don't. And even though we still live in a very conservative time in our society, a certain stoner comedy has managed to capture the heart of many: HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE. While it wasn't a big success at the box office during 2005, it managed to gain a huge following on cable and especially on DVD. Harold and Kumar became the poster children for pot smokers everywhere with their wacky road trips and getting the girl at the end. The popularity of WHITE CASTLE led to the 2008 sequel, HAROLD AND KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY. While the films will never win any Academy Awards or much love from uptight critics, the public loves these films and they both deserve a worthy spot on any "Top Stoner Films Ever Made" list.

PLOT
In HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE, Harold (John Cho) is an uptight corporate analyst who is pretty much used by his superiors and is infatuated with his beautiful neighbor Maria (Paula Garces). He lives with his best friend, Kumar (Kal Penn), who attempts to ruin any chance of going to med school to maintain a life of being a freeloader and slacker. One Friday night, Harold is given a ton of work to do by Billy Carver (Ethan Embry), who wants to party instead of work the entire weekend. Harold's problem ruins his and Kumar's plans of just lounging at their place and getting baked. The two do eventually begin to smoking the sweet leaf while watching television, spotting a commercial for White Castle burgers. Wanting to satisfy their cravings, Harold and Kumar decide to travel towards the nearest White Castle, which is many miles away. However, they get involved in crazy situations along the way, such as riding a cheetah, dealing with racist cops, hot British chicks with bowel problems, some mutant-looking tow truck driver, and a stoned and horny Neil Patrick Harris.

In HAROLD & KUMAR ESCAPE GUANTANAMO BAY, Harold & Kumar continue their adventure from White Castle by taking a trip to Amsterdam to meet up with Harold's love, Maria. However, things start to get wacky again when Harold claims he's being racially profiled at the airport during the security checkpoint search. He also meets up with his stunning ex-girlfriend Vanessa (Danneel Harris), who is about to get married to some right-wing big shot named Colton (Eric Winter). Kumar is reminded how much he wants to get back together with Vanessa and decides to fight for her. However, that plan is derailed when Kumar [being the genius that he is] decides to smoke a bong aboard the plane that is mistaken for a bomb. Some government dude named Ron Fox (Rob Corddry) is on the case, believing that Kumar works for Al-Queda and Harold is part of some North Korean terrorist faction. The two end up in prison at Guantanamo Bay, but escape pretty quickly. They end up in Florida with some illegal immigrants, eventually ending up on another road trip where they encounter a cyclops, some KKK members, George W. Bush, and Neil Patrick Harris again.

REVIEW
Both HAROLD & KUMAR films are more intelligent than most people give them credit for. WHITE CASTLE was a statement on racial stereotypes and how some people take advantage of that. GUANTANAMO BAY is more political driven, as if there's a statement on our stereotype that all Arabs [even though Kumar is INDIAN and not even Middle Eastern - shows how much we tend to assume via appearances] and Asians are all terrorists ready to destroy the United States because two high-profile people [Osama Bin Laden and Kim Jong-il] happen to be Arab and Asian respectively. Both films have a deep message underneath the stoner jokes and the wacky comedy, but it's hard to see that when you're laughing to the point where your stomach hurts and tears are running down your face due to the risque humor that pretty much contorts the R rating in ways that almost surprise me that these films, especially GUANTANAMO BAY, didn't receive an NC-17 rating.

These films both have a fairly simple plot that's expanded in the sake of presenting wacky situations that really don't have anything to do with one another except to push the envelope on one's personal sense of humor. Some people may be bothered by this, but when the jokes work and the script is really funny and clever, they really have no right to complain. While GO TO WHITE CASTLE is the better and funnier of the two films, both WHITE CASTLE and ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY are hilarious films from beginning to end and present great comedy to those who have or haven't lit a fatty up and experienced the euphoria that comes with it. What makes the film so funny is that while both are stoners, Harold and Kumar are two very different people personality wise. They remind me of The Odd Couple but if they did drugs [Harold is Felix while Kumar is definitely Oscar]. The two actors have great chemistry with each other and are very appealing to watch, which make their characters great to watch. The two play off of each other extremely well, making their friendship extremely believable. This helps root for them even when they [especially Kumar] do really stupid things. Without Penn and Cho in the leads, these films wouldn't work at all. They made a thin story seem more epic in scale due to their performances.

I think what makes these films so popular and so good are the situations Harold and Kumar put themselves in. In WHITE CASTLE, we get several classic moments like the whole Freakshow and his really hot wife scenerio. How many times have you heard a beautiful woman ask you to double stuff her in one of her holes or two? And her husband wants to join in on the fun! You don't have to be a pothead to know that's fuckin' funny. And seeing a cheetah exhale smoke out of his mouth is worth more than a chuckle. And what about that game of Battleship, but toilet style? I remember the first time I watched that and couldn't stop laughing for like 3 minutes. But my favorite scene is the "Crazy On You" by Heart montage, where Kumar has sex and marries his big bag of marijuana until the stress of marriage takes his toll on Kumar and becomes verbally abusive towards his grass. Just a great scene period that always makes me laugh to this day. ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY doesn't have that many classic scenes like that, but it does have wacky scenerios. I mean, we have an imbred cyclops person for Christ's sake. Who thinks this funny shit up? And that KKK sequence - yeah, having minorities in the deep racist South is either gonna make you feel uncomfortable or make you have fits of laughter. Plus seeing George W. Bush smoke a doobie just confirms that he's better at running a country under the influence than sober. I also enjoyed that flashback that showed how Harold and Kumar were like before they got hooked on drugs. That was pretty humorous to watch. Plus, any scene with Neil Patrick Harris in any of the films is worth watching. Seeing him play a drugged out and sex crazed version of himself is just addicting to watch. He's come a long way from DOOGIE HOWSER, M.D. and I'm glad for it. The guy is funny and talented as hell.

I do think GUANTANAMO BAY loses some stream after the first hour, as most of the working jokes are in that timeframe and things start being less funnier after that [although the G.W. Bush appearance is funny]. It just reminded me how much I wanted to watch GO TO WHITE CASTLE again because the laughs never stopped in that film. Plus this film is a lot more crude and gross-out than WHITE CASTLE, which I feel sacrificed the comedy for the most part for shocks and giggles. Still, GUANTANAMO BAY is still very funny and worth the price of admission in my opinion.

The direction for both films are very good, even though WHITE CASTLE is in much better hands with Danny Leiner at the helm. It's better paced and has more of a style than GUANTANAMO BAY does. Still, newcomers Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg do a good job keeping up with the script. They know their audience and use the visuals to that advantage, creating a very slick film. Both films kind of use the green screen effect at certain times, but that only brings the charm of the film out even more. Personally, I have no complaints about the direction at all.

The acting is excellent in both films. John Cho and Kal Penn, like I mentioned before, are great as Harold and Kumar. Great chemistry, great comic timing, and the great achievement of making us believe them under these abnormal circumstances. Paula Garces doesn't do much in these films as Maria but whenever she does appear, she's spot on. She's also very hot. Grrrrr. Neil Patrick Harris is awesome as his Bizarro alter-ego. Watching him not take himself seriously by humping car seats, snorting coke off a chick's ass, and riding unicorns is a pleasure. I salute you, NPH. Watch after the end credits of GUANTANAMO BAY for more NPH goodness. Rob Corddry was very funny as the racist government agent who used every stereotype in the book about Arabs and Asians to make his points. Couldn't stop laughing at the extremes the man went to. Neither could the crowd I was sitting with. Danneel Harris is absolutely adorable and sexy as hell. She can play the bad girl extremely well, but she makes an appealing good girl as well. Eric Winter played a great jerk and nice foil to Kumar over Vanessa's affections. Plus the cameos you get in both films are insane. From Anthony Anderson, to a homoerotic Ryan Reynolds, to a mutated Chris Meloni, to good guy Roger Bart, to Beverly D'Angelo, to Grand KKK Wizard Chris Meloni, it's full of great talent.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE TELLING PEOPLE I TRIED POT BUT DIDN'T INHALE

- Paula Garces is smokin' hot. I didn't just learn that but I just wanted to say it again in case she ever happens to read this review and want to hook up. Call me, baby.

- Goldstein wants to eat out of Katie Holmes' ass. Too bad Tom Cruise and Xenu beat him to it. They just didn't want to wait for their lives to be over.

- Neil Patrick Harris is one horny, junkie actor. I really hope he didn't meet his boyfriend's mother in that state.

- Escaping from Guantanamo Bay is a lot easier than one would expect. If only escaping news about Paris Hilton and Heidi Montag could be as easy. Life is so unfair.

- Don't ever ride a cheetah. They're so fast that they'll run you into a tree branch and take you into the wrong direction. They can't be trusted. Some animals just don't seem to be able to change their spots.

- G.W. Bush enjoys doing pot. And people wonder why I've never bothered to try the stuff? Who's the cool one now? Ha!

THE FINAL HOWL
HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE is probably one of the funniest comedies of the decade so far. HAROLD AND KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY isn't as funny, but it's still the funniest film I've seen since SUPERBAD. It's definitely a worthy sequel and I believe that if you loved WHITE CASTLE, you'll love GUANTANAMO BAY as well. Personally I think GUANTANAMO BAY is the best anti-terror film I've seen in quite a while. And after what we've been seeing on the news for years, we definitely needed a film like this. Who knew stoners were so enlightened? Both films are definitely worth getting high over.

aka Orgías inconfesables de Emmanuelle, Las
aka Emmanuelle Exposed
aka Emmanuelle Forever

Writer/Director: Jess Franco

DVD Specs:
Colour / 2.35:1 / 16x9 / 86 mins / Not Rated
Reg 0 (ALL) (NTSC) / DVD 5
English / Spanish Dolby Digital 2.0 / English Subtitles


Extras:
The Inconfessable Orgies Of Jess - Interview with Director Jess Franco

A drunken night out at the club turns wanton when Emmanuelle joins an exhibitionist stripper on stage for an impromptu lesbian encounter. Her husband feels betrayed and leaves her that night. She goes home with a friend who introduces her to Marqués (who, by the way is a noble Spaniard gentleman and he's not afraid to tell you about it) who turns out to be the stripper's boyfriend. (READ MORE!)

It is important to remember that this movie was not written by Tina Fey. Although I have always seen Tina Fey as infallible, after viewing this movie, I definitely need to amend it to say Tina Fey’s writing is infallible. As a lapsed Catholic I actually don’t feel my soul slipping away by equating her to the Pope, but I like to think if God ever saw “30 Rock,” he would more than agree with my theory.

I’ve been saying for a number of years that I want to be Tina Fey when I grow up. Please pay no mind to our limited difference in age. To be sure, a lot of what makes Tina Fey phenomenal is in this movie. She has great timing, brilliant facial expressions, and she is absolutely beautiful. However, what I most love about her is her love of and talent for comedic writing. This made the movie an interesting exercise for me. Most of the movie I felt disappointed and sad, worried that she had written such a bland comedy. Then the credits rolled and the real writer was exposed. Phew! From that moment on, I actually seemed to like the movie a little better. It is interesting how your assessment of a film can slide on a scale depending on who is to blame. It is because she didn’t write it that I am cutting it some slack, but make no mistake about it, this isn’t a very good movie. Even when I thought Tina had written it, I was wondering why it felt like a man had written it. In my head I pictured Tina Fey going to the movie on Friday night, walking right past the poster for her movie and buying a ticket to “Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.”

Though the script contains few laugh or clever quips, the cast makes up a lot of lost ground. The chemistry between Poehler and Fey is as perfect as ever, even if it feels like they are waiting for more to do. I got the distinct impression from the Karaoke scene that the joke may have been ripped from their actual lives, but I guess that isn’t strange when you get to act silly with a good friend. Although this movie might have been a poor choice on the part of Poehler and Fey, the director sure knew what they were doing when they cast the film. Aside from the lovely lady leads, the movie also has some surprisingly funny performances from Steve Martin, Greg Kinnear, Will Forte, Sigourney Weaver, and John Hodgeman.

Fey plays a wonderful straight man with an endearing awkwardness. Poehler tends to overact since her strengths lie more with sketch comedy and broad characters, so her role as a brash and kind of white trash surrogate works. In fact, some of the funniest moments in the movie come courtesy of Poehler’s delivery. As for Steve Martin, his scant few moments on screen are the most memorable of the movie, but the cameos from other favorites certainly liven up the story a bit. The plot is a bit predictable, but the characters make the journey a little more palatable. The most consistent factor of this movie is that everyone seemed to be having a good time. Perhaps that is why I did enjoy my evening at the movies a bit more than I expected, but I would be lying if I said it was a fun evening.

The fact is that this movie is every bit as dull as the trailer makes it seem. Even before the movie started I was resistant based on the trailer. Sitting there in my seat before the start of the show I pictured Tina Fey going to the theatre on Friday night, walking right past the poster for her movie and buying a ticket to “Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.” If I had done what imaginary Tina Fey did, perhaps I would have had a better night out. Alas, I did not. There are some moments that made the price of admission for “Baby Mama” acceptable, but as a whole, it seems like a bit of a wasted effort. I would like to see better for this cast and for Tina Fey in particular. Here is hoping that the next time these two talented ladies put their comedic chemistry together again that they have a script that is as good as they are.

Welcome to Reviews from the Horror Chamber. I am your chamber keeper, Anthony Thurber.

Before I start with the reviews, your truly has his own plans for filmarcade.net. First, I want to make you involved with this column, so I decided to do a segment called Ask the Chamber-keeper. All you need to do is send me your questions at my new email address at HorrorChamber@FilmArcade.net, and then if I choose your question, I will respond to it in a future edition. It can be horror-related, it can also be a non-horror question or if you disagree with a particular review in which I’m totally wrong, I’ll explain why I came to that decision. Please leave me your name, city and state from where you live so I can let everyone know who send it.

Second, I’m starting a new column. Before I start don’t worry, this column is staying where it is but I want to focus more on films that go straight to DVD. I’ll give you more details in the first edition of Direct to DVD.

Finally, I’m looking for a co-host/ reviewer, in which you can review horror films here in my column as I’m looking for another perspective. All I need is a sample review. You have a couple of weeks as to send me your email. Please note this is not a paying job. The plan is for you to review one or two films a week. One review is a joint review if there is a major horror film that’s worth a debate and the other review can be a film of your choosing, as long it’s either a Sci-fi or horror film. If you’re interested you can send your sample review to HorrorChamber@FilmArcade.net. Now on to the reviews.


Cloverfield
Year: 2008
Directors: Matt Reeves
Stars: Lizzy Caplan Michael Stahl-David, Mike Vogel
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Studio: Paramount Pictures
Running Time: 84 Mins
Review Rating: 5 Stars

Yours truly has waited for all the hype to die down from this film. Since it’s died down, now I get to have my say on the biggest grossing horror film of the year, so far.

Cloverfield is about is told about a mysterious monster attacking New York City told from the perspective of a digital Video camera. The film follows five New Yorkers who at the party where one of them is planning to move to moving to Japan to start over his life after the break-up of his girlfriend. They were enjoying the party until a mysterious monster begins to knock building over including the head of the Stature of Liberty. Soon it starts to get out of control when the gigantic monster starts heading their way. Soon, they must to run away from this monster as it starts to get closer to the city, before it strikes them.

Cloverfield surprisingly lives up to the hype and then some. This film is Director Matt Reeves second feature film, as you might not know that he directed The Pallbearer back in 1996 which nobody including me (which I might take a look after seeing this film) saw that stared David Schwimmer and Gwyneth Paltrow. He has a future in this business, as a director. Producer J.J. Abrams made a very good choice in bringing Reeves aboard here. He brings out that intensity which was needed for this type of film. Reeves does a great job directing this film under these difficult circumstances. He does a great job making some of this film, as realistic as possible from the method of filmmaking he uses to the frightening apocalyptic imagery that used throughout the film. His direction of the actors was very good. The actors didn’t as they came off clichéd or unlikable, instead they came off as frighten and intense people who are going thought a major disaster.

With all of the credit of this film going to Reeves and Abams, I don’t know why screenwriter Drew Goddard isn’t getting as much run, as those two. His screenplay was great. He does a good job not rushing right into the action, as he spends time developing his characters in the first fifteen minutes in the film, which helps the viewer to get to know the characters before the eventual chaos. Goddard also intertwines bits and pieces of Rob and Beth happier moments of their relationship on that videotape. To me, that did two things, which was very good for the film. First, it helped show why Rob is obsessed with finding her, after they went their separate ways during the chaos. And second, it helps sell the gimmick that this film is a found footage film. Another thing that Goddard’s screenplay got right was that the fact that it focused on the people who are caught in the middle of the monster’s path. I liked how Goddard focuses on them and the crises at hand, instead of trying to find out where the monster from, or trying to give some ridiculous reason to why this is happening. The film works as a whole because it doesn’t try to cheesy because if he went in that direction then it would seem like more of a Godzilla rip-off because you’ll be focusing on the monster and not the people caught in this mess.

Cloverfield is truly surprisingly as it lives up to the hype. The film is definitely one of the years best films overall in my opinion so far, as it’s a frightening and intense film that will leave Goosebumps.

Proxima
Year: 2008
Directors: Carlos Atanes
Stars: Oriol Aubets, Manuel Solas, Anthony Blake
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Language: Spanish with English Subtitles
Studio: Fort Knox Audiovisual
Running Time: 117 Mins
Review Rating: 5 Stars
Official Website: http://www.welcometoproxima.com/

Proxima is the latest film form Writer/Director Carlos Atanes, whose last film was the bizarre and entertaining anthology film, Codex Atanicus. The film is about a video-store owner (Oriol Aubets) whose going through a tough time in his life, as his business is failing and his relationship is falling apart. When at a sci-fi convention, he picks up a CD there that contains instructions on how to travel to other galaxies. Once he listens to it for the first time, he starts to become obsessed with traveling to another planet to get away from his miserable existence on earth. Soon, he begins to see things differently in this life, as he tries to find a way to reach the planet Proxima.

Proxima is very intelligent Sci-Fi film. Writer/Director Carlos Atanes does a great job in getting all of the science-fiction aspects of the film done right. Atanes is the most compelling visually styled directors out there in the underground film scene today. The film’s imagery was very good. I liked the fact the fact that Atanes didn’t heavily rely on the bizarre imagery, in which he used for his last film Codex Atanicus. Instead, most of the imagery in the film was used for the nicely set backgrounds, which helped the Sci-fi nature of the film and gives you a nice viewing experience. His direction of the actors was very good especially with the main star of the film, Oriol Aubets. His performance here was very good. His chemistry with the other actors was very good, as the character he played was interesting to watch.

The screenplay was very good here. Atanes makes this film, a nice and interesting psychological science fiction piece/character study. He does that by mainly focusing on his main character and the actions and events that happen to him. Atanes really lets you get to know him by spending time in the beginning to develop the character’s personal life like how his relationship and business is falling into pieces. He also makes his main character conflicted with the problems that going on with his life and his willingness to escape them all. It helps create a scenario where the character is having trouble with his mind.

Proxima is a very intelligent science fiction film with great directing and great landscape imagery.

By Appointment Only
Year: 2007
Director: John Faust
Stars: Matt Ryan, Belen Green, Nancy Sinclair
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: The 3D Film Factory
Running Time: 20 Mins
Review Rating: 5 Stars
Official Website: http://www.byapptonlymovie.com/

By Appointment Only has been a major hit on the film festival circuit, as it played so far in thirty-three film festivals including the 2007 Rock and Shock Film Festival, Comic-Con, Rhode Island International Horror Film Festival, Terror Film Festival (where it won Best Director and Best Actress) Zompire Film Festival (where it won the Best of Festival award) and most recently at this year’s Dead By Dawn Film Festival over in England.

The short is about a woman who’s moving to the west coast who’s looking to start. On her way to her appointment with the realtor, her car breaks down. She then is stranded in a local dinner where she meets a guy who’s willing to give he a lift to the appointment. But things take a turn when a mysterious man tries to warn her to go back to where she came from. She still decides to ignore him and go to her appointment, as scheduled. Once there, she discovers that the quite little town that she wanted to live in has some dangerous secrets that might make this appointment, the last appointment, she will ever have.

By Appointment Only is a very twisted and shocking film. The first thing that I walked away, from this film was that I wish that this film were a feature length film because this was very good film. Writer/Director John Faust has the talent to develop a cult following. He does a very good job making this film feel like something that was done from a Hollywood studio for the budget he had to work with. Faust also delivers on the shocking violence, which was necessary for the character development. His direction of the actor was also good.

Faust’s screenplay was very frightening. I liked how Faust focused of the mysterious man perspective, as he’s conflicted throughout the film on whether to save the girl or not. He also makes the makes the villain very twisted. The screenplay also has a twist that felt like it came out of David Lynch film but also added to the story. The twist was very good, as it was mind-blowing. Faust also hit a high note with the film’s shocking scene, which I won’t go into details because I don’t want to spoil, as it felt creepy and very disturbing.

There is a proposed plan for 3D version for this film. Trust me, that shocking scene that I just mentioned, may be more shocking in 3D than in the version I saw. By Appointment Only is so shocking that it will make you think twice before buying a new home.

If you’re a filmmaker and interested in having your horror film reviewed in the horror chamber, you can reach the Chamber Keeper himself at my new email address at HorrorChamber@filmarcade.net or if you have any film in any genres that you want Film Arcade to review. Send us an email at screeners@filmarcade.net.

Also, don’t forget to add the official myspace home of Reviews From the Horror Chamber at http://www.myspace.com/reviewsfromthehorchamber.

Next week I will start previewing and reviewing some of the latest underground horror films that will be self-distributed on DVD and playing at your local film festivals this October. Until then, have a frightening day.

Welcome to the 128th edition of my long-running series. I hope you are all enjoying yourselves. Next week, I will be auditioning for a couple shows in attempt to make my big comeback to the stage. Now, enough about me, get out your queues whether that be Netflix or Blockbuster and start adding to them and if they are on the bottom of your list, move them on up, only if you want to though since we are a free society.




El Cid (1961): With the recent death of Charlton Heston, I thought I should feature something of his and I picked out this epic. Anthony Mann directed this epic starring our former NRA president as the title character whose real name was Rodrigo Diaz but to his followers he became El Cid which means The Lord and leads his Spanish army against the Moors while still seeking peace. Sophia Loren plays his love interest Jimena who first wanted him killed but then saw his nobility. I'm not going to sit here and go through every little thing that Rodrigo goes through, he goes through a lot, but that he was known as the "peaceful warrior" and was a real person.




What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993): Now for something quite different than my first selection. Lasse Hallstrom directed this adaptation from a novel by Peter Hedges. Johnny Depp, in a more "normal" role, plays the title character. He lives in a small town and works at the local grocery store and is part of a rather dysfunctional family who had an overweight mom, played by Darlene Cates, an autistic younger brother, played very well by Leonardo DiCaprio, and a couple sisters who did not seem to appreciate Gilbert though that is my own observation, something he never brings up. I say that because he was pretty much left responsible for his brother and anything that happened was squarely on his shoulders but they never seemed to offer to relieve him of the burden. Maybe I'm too observant. Juliette Lewis plays the love interest of Gilbert. Other people in this movie include John C. Reilly, Mary Steenburgen, and Crispin Glover. This was a good slice of life film with an interesting ending.




The Wild One (1953): Now we go to a biker film which seemed to be a bit of a propaganda piece but oh well, still very enjoyable. Laszlo Benedek directed this iconic film starring Marlon Brando as the leader of a biker gang who goes around terrorizing a small town and fight another rival gang in the process. Marlon is Johnny and he starts to see more error of his ways when he meets a girl played by Mary Murphy. Also look for Lee Marvin as one of the bikers. Check out the original of the biker films.




Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996): Jim Mallon directed this movie adaptation to the hit tv series which I watched some as a kid, mostly with my dad even though the tv series was usually just as long if not longer than this movie. This was a show about a mad scientist wanting to take over the world and is making a simple man named Mike Nelson watch some of the worst movies possible. This time Mike and his robot buddies watch THIS ISLAND EARTH and they go on with some great one liners making this a very entertaining film to watch.




La Vie en Rose (2007): Olivier Dahan directed this French award-winning film charting the early life, rise and premature death of real-life singer Edith Piaf. She is poor all her life until night club owner Louis Leplee discovers her singing on the street and gives her a job. Gerard Depardieu plays Leplee who was on screen far too sparingly in my opinion. There is just something about Gerard Depardieu that he is just always likable to me and just that look as an actor including that big, rounded nose and good screen personality. Marion Cotillard plays Edith and was great in that role winning an academy award playing the role in her prime and in her older age when she was dying.



Thru the Mirror (1936): This is part 4 of at least 6 of my long-running Disney series and my short filim for the week starring cartoon icon Mickey Mouse. When Mickey goes to sleep he has the book ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS and soon finds himself on the other side of the mirror where everything is alive and is experiencing chaos just like Alice. There are also some good animation dance numbers like one with some playing cards. These are the pioneers of animation which gave way to the awesome computer animation of today but we should not overlook the art of paper animation.



The Year of the Yao (2004): This is a documentary I found on the Independent Film Channel which charts the rise of Houston Rockets center Yao Ming. We start in his early days of Chinese basketball, to the day he was drafted by the Rockets, his early struggles and then the day he became a force to be reckoned with. This was actually a very insightful documentary and features a lot of his translator Colin Pine who was always there for Yao even in his struggles. It was interesting to see how he dealt with these pressures like no one else ever had.





The Violent Professionals (1973): This is my Grindhouse selection for the week which focuses on a vigilante cop who goes to avenge his boss' murder at all cost and that means going undercover and going after the mafia single-handedly. This one is pretty entertaining, not really original but good enough. The VHS transfer was awful which might make it harder to watch.



Sorry, Wrong Number (1948): Anatole Litvak directed this radio play by Lucille Fletcher. Barbara Stanwyck stars as a bedridden heiress who overhears a misrouted phone conversation over a murder plot where she does whatever she can to prevent the murder and finds that it is not as random as she thinks. Burt Lancaster also stars as her husband who has not returned home. This must be watched very carefully but this is quite suspenseful and well performed. It was interesting to see the rise of a telephone and that being the object of hearing a murder plot. It's just too bad that I can't work a switchboard. I know I would have done a great job.



The River (1984): We end this week on the farm in Tennesee. Mark Rydell directed this story by Robert Dillon which stars Mel Gibson and Sissy Spacek as husband and wife with a son and daughter. Mel Gibson plays Tom Garvey who is having a lot of trouble on his farm with storms and the bank trying to shut him down for business purposes and he refuses to back down. His character reminded me a lot of Harrison Ford in THE MOSQUITO COAST with his stubborn attitude and his unwillingness to give in which sometimes makes it hard to sympathise but we know they have all the right reasons. Sissy Spacek is good as the wife who is having difficulty with the struggles on the farm.



Well, that is the end of my recommendations but I am trying to add even more variety to these so keep on reading. Each week, I want to add some type of honorable mention which might be books, plays, and whatever else besides film so this week I take a look into the world of musicals. I don't want any of you to worry though, I won't be like MTV and VH1 where they have taken all the music out of the channels for the most part. The movies will always be the main part of this.



HONORABLE THEATER MENTION


Assassins: I just went to go see this Steven Sondheim musical last night on opening night. For those of you who don't know who Steven Sondheim is, he is the man who wrote the musical SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET. That musical may be quite strange but now we go into the world of the assassins and would-be assassins of the Presidents of the United States. My myspace friends Tom Cherry and Erika Peterson co-star in this musical. Tom was hilarious and disturbing as Samuel Byck, the man who unsucessfully tried to assassinate Richard Nixon and is the same person Sean Penn plays in THE ASSASSINATION OF RICHARD NIXON. Erika was good and funny as Manson girl Squeaky Froame who attempted to kill Gerald Ford.



Now, before I go into this, let me give you a little history lesson. We all know who John Wilkes Booth killed. He was an actor in the theater during the Civil War and unhappy with the state of the south and Abraham Lincoln. He then formed a plan with three other people to kill different people in the government but only Booth succeeded by killing Lincoln in the Ford Theater. A lesser-known presidential assassin named Czolgosz who was the son of immigrants and had a hard time finding work leading to depression and much more when he shot President William McKinley while he was making a speech and McKinley would go on for another hour to finish his speech before dying. Charles Guiteau was a religious and ambitious person and wanted a diplomatic position in the White House but was rejected and with so many unsuccessful business ventures, he would go onto kill President James Garfield while he was boarding a train. Lee Harvey Oswald would go onto become a huge subject of debate on whether or not he killed Kennedy and if he did whether or not he acted alone. Those are the assassins who succeeded but Sondheim did not discriminate in this musical so now we go to the ones who were not successful. First, we'll look at the two Charles Manson women Squeaky Froame and Sara Jane Moore who made separate assassination attempts on President Gerald Ford. Squeaky Froame pointed a pistol at Ford but there were no bullets in the firing chamber and apparently went to trial so that Charles Manson could testify his cause in court. Seventeen days later Sara Jane Moore made her own attempt on Ford and got a shot fired off. She was originally undercover for the FBI and then was dropped when she confessed to her radical group. Her assassination attempt was apparently to show her loyalty to the radical group. Next, we have Samuel Byck as mentioned above formed an attempt to kill Richard Nixon but never even got to the vicinity of Nixon. Byck had failed in the business world and blamed Nixon. He then wrote a series of angry letters and then made a tape of his plans to kill Nixon and sent tapes to many people including Leonard Bernstein. When getting to the airport, he killed a security guard. When he got on the plane, he actually wounded the pilot and killed the co-pilot before getting hit by a sniper and eventually died. Giuseppe Zangara, a much less-known person and situation actually fired some shots at Franklin Roosevelt's limosine. In the process, he killed the mayor and wounded four others. He would eventually get the electric chair. That is something I didn't even know about. Now, for my last one is John Hinckley. Most people's actions were for a cause or being disgruntled about the government. Hinckley tried to kill Ronald Reagon for Jodie Foster due to a scene in TAXI DRIVER which starred Jodie as a 12 and a half year old hooker. He ended up hitting reagon in the chest, shot a plain clothes officer and the worst part was him hitting Reagon's chief press aide James Brady in the head resulting in a lot of struggles and with a lot of look at gun control. He was found not guilty by reasons of insanity and is in a mental institution. You can all find more detailed histories on these people, I just wanted to get them exposed a bit to show who is featured.



This is actually a very interesting musical where it takes place mostly in a bar where they each kind of give their side of what happened and such. I don't know how else to explain it. They all interact in the bar. Booth has a very powerful ballad on why he killed Lincoln and everyone else explains their own warped mind for how they were wronged. This is not for all tastes but it is definetly something very interesting to see. It is hard to really explain so if you find it in your area, go check it out if you feel it is somthing you will really like.



CONNECTION TIME



-Charlton Heston (El Cid) and Gerard Depardieu (La Vie En Rose) were in the Kenneth Branaugh's 1996 version of Hamlet




-Charlton Heston (El Cid) and Mel Gibson (The River) were in a tv movie called A Night on Mount Edna


-Sophia Loren (El Cid) and Marlon Brando (The Wild One) were in Charlie Chaplin's last film A Countess from Hong Kong in 1967


-Sophia Loren (El Cid) and Marion Cotillard (La Vie en Rose) are scheduled to be in a Rob Marshall film called Nine in 2009 and one of many writers credited was Federico Fellini. Something else a bit interesting is that they are the only two actresses to have won Academy Awards while mainly speaking in a foreign language


-Sophia Loren (El Cid) and Gerard Depardieu (La Vie En Rose) were in a 2002 film called Between Strangers


-Sophia Loren (El Cid) and Burt Lancaster (Sorry, Wrong Number) were in The Cassandra Crossing


-Johnny Depp (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) and Marlon Brando (The Wild One) were in Don Juan DeMarco in 1995 and in 1997 they were in a movie which I have never heard of until now called The Brave


-Johnny Depp (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) and Marion Cotillard (La Vie en Rose) are scheduled to be in the 2009 film Public Enemies where Depp is to portray bank robber John Dillinger, something I am interested to see.


-Johnny Depp (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) and Verne Troyer (The Year of the Yao, archival footage) were in Terry Gilliam's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and are set to co-star in Gilliams 2009 film The Imagination of Doctor Parnassus


-Leonardo DiCaprio (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) and Gerard Depardieu (La Vie en Rose) most notably co-starred in the 1998 version of The Man in the Iron Mask and they were also in A Hundred and One Nights where DiCaprio had an uncredited appearance


-Leonardo DiCaprio (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) and Jack Nicholson (The Year of the Yao, archival footage) were in the 2006 blockbuster The Departed


-Juliette Lewis (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) and Jack Nicholson (The Year of the Yao, archival footage) were in the 1996 film The Evening Star


-Juliette Lewis (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) and Adam Sandler (The Year of the Yao, archival footage) were in the 1994 comedy Mixed Nuts



-Mary Steenburgen (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) and Jack Nicholson (The Year of the Yao, archival footage) were in last week's edition of SBTMW for the 1978 western comedy Goin' South. They were also in Milos Forman's 1981 film Ragtime where Nicholson appears unbilled.




-Mary Steenburgen (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) and Sissy Spacek (The River) were in The Long Walk Home, The Grass Harp, and Four Christmases. Note that in The Long Walk Home that Mary Steenburgen was the narrator




-John C. Reilly (What's Eating Gilbert Grape), Jack Nicholson, Adam Sandler, and Kevin Nealon (The Year of the Yao, archival footage) were all in the 2003 film Anger Management but Reilly was uncredited


-John C. Reilly (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) and Jack Nicholson (The Year of the Yao) were in the 1992 biopic Hoffa


-Marlon Brando (The Wild One) and Jack Nicholson (The Year of the Yao) were in Arthur Penn's 1976 western The Missouri Breaks


-Lee Marvin (The Wild One) and Barbara Stanwyck (Sorry, Wrong Number) were in the 1962 film Walk on the Wild Side




-Lee Marvin (The Wild One) and Sissy Spacek (The River) were in the 1972 film Prime Cut


-Gerard Depardieu (La Vie en Rose) and Burt Lancaster (Sorry, Wrong Number) were in Bertolucci's Novecento

Baby Mama

Successful and single businesswoman Kate Holbrook (Tina Fey) has long put her career ahead of a personal life. Now 37, she's finally determined to have a kid on her own. But her plan is thrown a curve ball after she discovers she has only a million-to-one chance of getting pregnant. Undaunted, the driven Kate allows South Philly working girl Angie Ostrowiski (Amy Poehler) to become her unlikely surrogate. Simple enough... After learning from the steely head (Sigourney Weaver) of their surrogacy center that Angie is pregnant, Kate goes into precision nesting mode: reading childcare books, baby-proofing the apartment and researching top pre-schools. But the executive's well-organized strategy is turned upside down when her Baby Mama shows up at her doorstep with no place to live. An unstoppable force meets an immovable object as structured Kate tries to turn vibrant Angie into the perfect expectant mom.

Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

"Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay" marks the triumphant return of these two hilarious, slacker anti-heroes. This time, the boys get themselves in trouble trying to sneak a bong onboard a flight to Amsterdam. Now, being suspected of terrorism, they are forced to run from the law and try to find a way to prove their innocence. What follows is an irreverent and epic journey of deep thoughts, deeper inhaling and a wild trip around the world that is as "un-PC" as it gets.

Deception

An accountant (McGregor) is introduced to a mysterious sex club known as The List by his lawyer friend (Jackman). But in this new world, he soon becomes the prime suspect in a woman's disappearance and a multi-million dollar heist.

It’s My Party and I’ll Die if I Want To
Year: 2007
Director: Tony Wash
Stars: Adrienne Fischer, Darcy Wood, Tom Savini
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: Scotchworth Productions
Running Time 80 Mins
Review Rating: 5 Stars
Official Website: http://www.scotchworthy.com/

It’s My Party and I’ll Die if I Want To was the winner of the Best Feature at the 2007 Full Moon Horror Film Festival (aka the Charlie Band Film Fest). The film is about a young girl named Sara (Adrienne Fischer) who is about to celebrate her 18th birthday on Halloween night. Her friends decide to throw her a surprise costume birthday party. The only problem is that they plan to have it at an abandon-haunted house where ghost of a man who slaughtered his family there is haunting the place. Soon Sara and her friends are in danger when the ghost and his family start to haunt the place and brutally murder them. Can Sara and her friends get out of the house or will this be Sara’s last birthday party?

This film is what’s lacking in the horror genre today. It’s My Party and I’ll Die if I Want To is a very fun and scary thrill ride. Tony Wash does a great job delivering a fun throwback to the haunted house / slasher films of the 80’s. His direction was very good. Wash manages to create a dark atmosphere within the haunted house, which helped made the film creepy and the scares effective. His direction of the young actresses and actors were good. He lets them make there characters fun to watch, as they had personality to them and didn’t seem clichéd. Also, the action and fright sequences were good and effective. There also a lot of very good gore effects here. The special effects team really did a good job making this very gory for the budget they had. The effects didn’t seem cheesy and senseless.

Tony Wash’s screenplay was very good. I liked the fact that his screenplay differs from most horror films, as he uses more of a comic book style method to tell his story instead of the tradition method that’s seen in horror films today. This method really made the film fun to watch, as it made this film feel like an episode of Tales From the Crypt. The film also does delver on the scares here. Another thing that made the screenplay very good was the fact that Wash spends time developing the backstory of the characters and the house. He makes the characters interesting and the film fun to watch, when the story become frightening.

The acting in this film was good and fun to watch. The actresses brought personality to their characters, which helped made their performances enjoyable, which is needed for this type of film to succeed. Their chemistry on-screen was very good. They made sure that their characters didn’t come off as annoying or really stupid like in some other films that I won’t mention here. Adrienne Fischer’s performance here was very good. She achieves that by making her character very intelligent and innocent like.

Another thing that makes this DVD a worthy purchase is the fact that you the viewer choose the action that goes on in the haunted house. That’s why I had fun with this film. I really have to give kudos to Tony Wash for adding this feature to his film. I liked how this feature wasn’t rushed, as he lets the story play out in the first half before he allows the viewer to have fun. I liked how he gives the viewer a game like experience, which is rarely seen. Trust me, you will have fun with this. Also, if you choose the wrong option, well let’s get say that might want to see the film again because I’m not telling what’s happens or giving you any hints. It’s part of experience the filmmakers are trying to present here.

It’s My Party and I’ll Die If I Want To is very fun and frightening thrill ride that you keep you scared and having fun to the last minute.

To purchase this DVD you can goto: http://www.scotchworthy.com/store.html

DVD Extras:

Behind the Scenes

Trailer

2 Short Films

Here is the new, amazing poster for “The Dark Knight.” I can’t wait. This will be one of the best films of the summer season.


It’s official (and thank god) – Guillermo del Toro is directing “The Hobbit.” This guy is slowly becoming God.


Russell Brand and Jonah Hill are returning from “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” to star in a new Judd Apatow produced comedy (directed by “Sarah Marshall” director Nick Stoller) called “Get Him to the Greek.”


Ang Lee will be directing an adaption of “Taking Woodstock: A True Story of a Riot, Concert, and a Life.”


Eli Roth is planning on directing (and in the process of writing) a PG-13 sci-fi flick. Sounds good that he is showing some range.


“Hellboy 3” is planning on being the last “Hellboy” film. I still don’t really like the first one, but am really looking forward to the second.


Garth Jennings’s next movie will be animated. It sounds pretty badass, though details are pretty sketchy and are still in the process.


Uma Thurman brought up to MTV that Quentin Tarantino is working on an Anime segment as an intermission for the exclusive “Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair” DVD. It won’t deal with her character, The Bride, at all, which I was hoping for. There was a scene cut from the script where she fought Gogo’s sister after she blew up the Pussy Mobile, which I would have liked to see.


And finally, Uwe Boll is being kept far away from a “World of Warcraft” film. Thank god there will be no movie of that. Just what I want to see…