Never Surrender
Year: 2009
Director: Hector Echavarria
Stars: Hector Echavarria, Patrick Kilpatrick, James Russo
MPAA Rating: R
Studio: Lionsgate Entertainment
Running Time: 88 Mins
Official Website: http://www.neversurrenderdvd.com/
“Never Surrender” devolves in the underworld of mixed marital arts. The film is about an MMA champion, who lured into the underworld of MMA, when a mysterious promoter offers him the opportunity of a lifetime with the women and the money that comes with winning each match. He soon begins to realize that everything is not what they seem to be, when he finds out the promoters illegal activities. Now it’s kill or be killed, as the fighter must fight for his life and stop this sadistic promotor from more harm to everyone involved. The film feature a collection of some of the world’s best mixed martial artists that includes George “Rush” St Pierre, Anderson “The Spider” Silva, “The Prodigy” B.J Penn, Quentin “Rampage” Jackson and “The Texas Crazy Horse” Heath Herring.
Movie Review
"Never Surrender" is one of those films that you would file as a guilty pleasure film. There was only one positive to this film, at least the fight sequences were filmed very well. The sequences made the fight scenes feel like it's an actually MMA fight, as the fights were choreographed well. Even though, it moved the pace fast, as I was entertained and actually interested. That's the only good thing, as everything else was pretty bad.
Hector Echavarria's direction wasn't very good, as this film felt like a ninety minute music video, than an all out action film with story and development. One of the reasons for that, everywhere I looked in this film; there was either hot women running around or loud heavy metal music playing in the background. It made the film feel like a best of UFC tape, than an action film. His direction also didn't focus on very getting the performances down to the point that makes a film respectable. The acting felt bland. That's normally makes films boring, but the fact that I’m a huge MMA fan and the atmosphere of the film sucked me in. It probably made me enjoy this film somewhat.
The screenplay was just as equally worse, as the direction, as this was a film that never cared about developing anything. David Storey's screenplay was repetitive. I really think he didn't put any thought into developing anything that would make the story entertaining. This film had an interesting plot line, but what he does is to make this story come off, as a collection of action sequences, so that the viewer doesn't need a story, he just needs fights and hot women. It was if the structure of the film wasn’t bad enough, it went like this, Fight Promo, Fight Title Card, Fight, Sex Scene, Development towards next fight. It went on like that, a couple of times during the course of the film. That's not how you create a story, that's how you create repetitiveness. That’s the main reason why the story, the characters and the main relationship weren’t developed.
Even with all that, I still kind of enjoyed this film, because at the end of the day the film was fun to watch. Don’t ask me how, because it’s just that.
DVD Review
The DVD extras starts off with a seventeen minute featurette “Behind the Scenes of Never Surrender”. It pretty much focuses much on footage that was shot during the making of this film. With the exception of a couple of quick interview, the documentary never gives you the inside look into the actors perspective to their characters, as there really wasn’t much information that I got out of it.
Next, on the disc is a fourteen minute featurette called “Anatomy of a Fight”. It’s pretty much the same thing as the documentary before, but the main problem with this was that it doesn’t focus on one fight; it focuses on all of them. That’s a problem, when expecting one fight to be broken down, and instead you get all the fights. If that featurette focused on one of them than this could have been an effective featurette, but it doesn’t it. It comes off, as another typical behind the scenes featurette.
Finally, this disc wraps up with a music video from 12 Stones, the film’s theatrical trailer and trailers for other Lionsgate releases.
If your looking for a guilty pleasure, than this is not a bad film, as I had fun with it from that perspective, but if you're looking development and entertaining story, than skip this one at all costs, as you'll be wanting to surrender.
Review Rating: 2 Stars
DVD Extras: 1 Star
R.I.P. Rest in Pieces (1997): This is one of Travis' Co-Op viewings which was a very fascinating and seemingly hard to find documentary. This focuses on painter Joe Coleman whose art focuses a lot on the darkness of our society and holds many outlaws and serial killers in very high regard putting focus to his strange mind. He had some very interesting things to say including a comparison of Jesus Christ and Sigmund Freud. He called Freud a "modern-day Jesus" which really cracked me up. Some of the highlights include his conversations with director Jim Jarmusch and just his very strange and rather bizarre thoughts on society. You should all google the name Joe Coleman, you'll find some interesting results.
Clean, Shaven (1993): This is the second of Travis' Co-Op viewings for me to use which is very rare. This one was quite strange just like the first one but very good to view. Peter Greene stars as a schizophrenic who is trying to get his daughter from her adoptive parents. In doing this, he functions in a world with sudden noises, voices and emotional shifts. It's a very interesting movie where we are with him in this schizophrenic state of mind and almost feel it. There is not much dialogue but a lot of imagery and sound. As Travis said, I'm probably going to butcher everything he said, put yourself with him and focus on the things around him. Not quite like that but it was close.
The Errand Boy (1961): I included Jerry Lewis last week and the dvd I obtained had two movies so I thought I would check out this one. This one takes place in the great town of Hollywood where Jerry Lewis plays the bumbling Morty. He is unknowingly hired as a spy so that the movie studio can see where the money is going. Like many of his movies, as good as his intentions are, he still manages to wreak havoc. This is a nice tribute to Hollywood and I really liked the scene where he is speaking to a puppet towards the end. I've noticed that in the movies I have seen with Jerry that he plays someone who has this dream and it pays off by him must being nice and having a good attitude no matter how inept he may seem.
Boo Moon (1954): This is something from my cartoon shorts and this one features Casper, The Friendly Ghost. It starts out like most Casper cartoons where no matter how friendly he is, people still fear the unknown and become scared. He then sees the moon has a face and encounters small moon men who become curious and capture him for the Moon King. Their fear of him is that they believe he is a giant. Casper then proves his worth when the enemies of the Moon Men, The Tree Men, attack them and he does what he can to save the moon men earning their respect and approval. Some say this is the best Casper since it took a little different twist than usual.
And Now the Screaming Starts (1973): This is my Hammer film for the week which takes place in 1795 England. Stephanie Beacham stars as Stephanie who just marries Charles Fengriffin, played by Ian Ogilvy, and moves into his castle to find that it seems quite haunted and has many encounters with a severed hand but learns more of the past. Peter Cushing plays the doctor who is hired to help Catherine. Not a bad horror film and of worth to see Peter Cushing.
Quinceanera (2006): Richard Glatzer and Wash Westmoreland wrote and directed this coming of age film starring Emily Rios as Magdalena, a 15 year old who becomes pregnant and is kicked out of her home. She then finds refuge with a very nice elderly uncle and her gay cousin who is often in trouble. The three of them begin to form a very close bond. Emily Rios is great as Magdalena. I actually found this on the SITV and it is a great portrait of a Hispanic family.
The Tall Men (1955): This is my western for the week which was directed by Raoul Walsh. Clark Gable and Cameron Mitchell star as brothers Ben and Clint who join a cattle drive and when getting to Texas they save a girl named Nella, played by Jane Russell, from the indian where she joins them. She then has feelings for Ben but also likes the money of the boss, played by Robert Ryan, who joins them for his own reasons. The four of the them must make it to Montana but have a lot in their way. I'm alway good for Jane Russell and Clark Gable was very good in one of his later roles. This will not go down in the history of western but worth a watch and has pretty good performances.
Kicking and Screaming (1995): This is the record number third of Travis' Co-Op selections which was a movie showing the hardships after graduating college in this imperfect world. Noah Baumbach wrote, directed, and co-starred this movie that blends comedy and drama. Eric Stoltz is great as Chet, a grad student who continues to bartend and go to school. Josh Hamilton plays Grover, whose girlfriend goes to Prague, but he decides to not follow her. Parker Posey is good as Miami. There's not much to explain here except in some ways this reminded me of DINER. We have the hardships of a handful of friends and they take us right with them. One of my favorites was the scene with the book club. Others include Olivia D'Abo, Sam Gould, and Elliot Gould.
Well, that is it for this week, I see I have an array of unknowns for this one. Please tell me what you love and what you hate.
FUN LITTLE FACTS
AND NOW THE SCREAMING STARTS actors Peter Cushing and Herbert Lom have both played the role of Dracula's nemesis Van Helsing in the 60s and 70s.
Herbert Lom (And the screaming starts) plays Captain Nemo in MYSTERIOUS ISLAND and Robert Ryan (Tall Men) plays the role in the 1969 film CAPTAIN NEMO AND THE UNDERWATER SEA
Robert Ryan (Tall Men) played the role of Abraham Lincoln in a 1955 episode of SCREEN DIRECTORS PLAYHOUSE called LINCOLN'S DOCTOR'S DOG. Raoul Walsh (Tall Men director) played John Wilkes Booth, who most of us know as the man who shot Lincoln, in the 1915 epic A BIRTH OF A NATION.
Elliot Gould (Kicking and Screaming) played Trapper John in the 1970 film MASH. My Myspace and Facebook friend Ben played the role in the version we did at Lee's Theatrical Productions.
Susan Adriensen is an actress /director from New York, who has appeared in such films as “Pink Eye”, Alan Rowe Kelly’s “The Blood Shed” and Peter Jacelone’s upcoming horror film “Sculpture”. But today, she is here to talk about her directorial debut “Under The Raven’s Wing”, which has been receiving a lot of praise from various websites and is now available from Medicine Show Cinema.
Anthony T: Before this film, you were in Alan Rowe Kelly’s “The Blood Shed”, which is an entertaining film. Tell me about yourself and how you got into acting, before directing your first feature length film? What made you want to direct a film, after acting in a couple of films previously to this?
Susan Adriensen: It kind of happened like this: first came the acting in high school drama class and theater plays, then came some comedic writing and on-camera performances in the Broadcasting Department at Montclair State College (pending University at the time) where directing and production were a vital part of the Broadcasting courses. In college, there was no separating the two (acting and directing) as all of us students acted and crewed-up on each other’s projects as well as creating our own. I actually loved doing both equally.
Anthony T: What differences did you discover, when you were behind the camera, instead of being in front of it?
Susan: When I first experienced it all, performing on-camera and producing/directing/writing, it was combined in the courses I took in college. It was quite a juggle, but it was what had to be done and I got used to it fairly quickly. We were a talented bunch of students, if I may add. At the end of each semester, we’d all have a day of watching each other’s projects. My favorite thing to be involved in was the comedy sketch show, “The Padded Cell.” Holy! The stuff was hysterical.
Anthony T: “Under the Raven’s Wing” is a very dark film that’s in the vain of ‘The Blair Witch Project” and “The Last Broadcast”. Tell us about the film?
Susan: You are exactly right when it comes to the style. “Under the Raven’s Wing” is also very much a character study and although you are told what the movie is about in the first few minutes – girls who commit a murder – the story unfolds and reveals more and more about the girls’ backgrounds and sick spiritual philosophies … all along with an unseen cocky filmmaker making commentary and giving narration. We see him (through his camera’s point-of-view) getting too involved! I, of course, also added my dark sense of humor by adding reenactments of the murder and other scenes from their history. It’s bizarro! I loved making the film!
Anthony T: The film is someway felt realistic with the way the story felt like it came out of the headlines of the newspaper. How did you come up with the film’s story?
Susan: Thank you, Anthony, for saying that! It’s exactly what I wanted it to be like. I wanted the feel of a hodge-podge of footage, using different types of cameras, all sewn together. If someone suddenly found the movie and watched it, I want them to wonder … who created it? Who are these people? … Is this real?!
Back in 2000, a college buddy and I came up with an idea of a pseudo-documentary style story about three Goth girls who committed a murder. It was supposed to be an improvised short so there was no script, but I created an intense character background and an extensive shot list. The project never happened at that time, but years later, I dusted off my notes and decided to write a script. I added much more to the story, put a little bit of myself into it, and it became a feature! I’m very proud of it and I’m grateful to all those involved in creating it.
Anthony T: The film does a very good job coming off as one of those faux documentaries. Tell me what inspirations that made you want to make this like a faux documentary?
Susan: Originally? Blair Witch! Haa haa! And getting a rinky-dink single chip mini DV camera back in 2000. Being a part of the Goth club scene at that time also inspired me. But after seven years later, the inspirations to write the script and create the film came from deeper sources. Life experiences and music inspire me the most. 
When it comes to the faux documentary style, even though that was the original idea back in 2000, I have to thank my Producer, Brian Jude, for really helping me keep to the style without going to the “standard” filmmaking style. We both worked very hard to keep it real. Like I said, I wanted it to look so real that if someone just happened to pick up the movie without the cover, they would actually wonder if it was real. Performance helps that tremendously and I’m happy with all the actors work. Even the unseen filmmaker played by Coy DeLuca. As a matter of fact, Brian really helped us keep that character’s motivations true. I named the unseen filmmaker, “Colin.” And Brian always said, “What would Colin do?” The character is extremely flawed as he criticizes the girls, yet gets sucked into their little group, complete with voyeurism!
Anthony T: The acting is also one of the film’s strong suits. Tell me how you were able to get the cast together, which includes Kimberly Amato, and Vh1’s Scream Queens, Jessica Palette?
Susan: Auditions. And weren’t they awesome?! I found Kimberly and Jessica through NYCasting.com. Kamilla Sofie Sadekova was found through BackStage.com and Coy DeLuca, I believe, found me through my performance in Prison of the Psychotic Damned by Red Scream Films and a group I ran called Mingle Mangle: Horror Filmmakers and Fans. We had several auditions and I found my cast!!
Anthony T: What experiences as an actor did you bring, when directing these actresses?
Susan: I hope I brought understanding. I understand what it’s like to be in front of the camera or on stage so I was patient and gave them the time they needed. Some of the actors just “clicked in” right away. Others needed some time. I try my hardest to be patient during those moments. It’s not always easy as time is of the essence, but I am proud of the work they did and they ultimately gave me what I wanted and needed for the film.
Anthony T: What are your future projects, both acting and directing?
Susan: Ahhhh. You asked for it, Anthony! Haa haa! I’m currently in pre-production for a script I wrote called “Vengeance is Cynthia’s.” This is my first official announcement that I’m proud to have Zoe Daelman Chlanda and Alan Rowe Kelly involved (both from “I’ll Bury You Tomorrow,” “The Blood Shed,” “Gallery of Fear”). Zoe will be playing “Cynthia,” a confused churchwoman seeking revenge for her brother’s death. Alan will play “Sissy Margaret,” the “Reverend’s” (Robert Socci) wife. This project is gonna be quite interesting to say the least. So many people are interested in being involved and I’m so grateful for it. I’m blessed. Uh … I’m actually a
fraid to say “blessed” because you never know what that may mean. Haa haa! Wait till you see the movie!
As for acting, I have a zombie role in a project that Alan Rowe Kelly is helping to shoot and it’s the first time I will play one. I’m very excited!!! I am also excited to announce that Scream King’s “Sculpture” will be released shortly. I play “Rose Steele” with an amazing ensemble cast (Raine Brown, Marv Blauvelt, Alan Rowe Kelly, etc.!).
Anthony T: Finally, tell my readers where they can purchase “Under the Raven’s Wing?
Susan: http://www.medicineshowcinema.com/ , http://www.amazon.com/ , and http://www.tlavideo.com/
Anthony T : I want to thank Susan Adriensen for taking time of her busy schedule to talk about "Under the Raven's Wing" and good luck on the success of this film and your future projects.
Susan: … and thank YOU, Anthony, for supporting me and the world of film and entertainment!!!
For more Information on "Under the Raven's Wing" you can visit the official site at: http://www.undertheravenswing.com
Welcome to the 181st Edition of my blog. I have chosen two movies from the Random Myspace Profile selection process. I also did a rare thing that I included two silent films. I have noticed my writing lately seemed a little below average so I have just wrote on the movie once I have seen it so that it is fresh in my mind and that I am not doing everything at the same time. I have some pretty unusual selections which seems to be the thing lately so read on and enjoy.
The Weather Underground (2002): This is a selection from the Random Myspace Profile selection process and for the one I chose Headlocked. This is my documentary for the week which takes a look at a 70s radical group of the title name who was not a big fan of Vietnam and the politics that went on. They did some pretty extreme things include bombing buildings to get their points across. There are many former members of the group that give commentary on their time in the group. It also shows how the FBI was not much better in the ways they tried to stop them. It is a very fascinating story and pretty hard to believe.
Labyrinth (1986): This is another selection from the Random Myspace Profile selection process and for this one I chose Sally. Jim Henson directed this fantasy/part musical where young Jennifer Connelly plays Sarah who is forced to babysit her baby brother and accidentally wishes for her baby brother to go away. When this wish happens, the Goblin King, played by David Bowie, has the baby abducted and Sarah must complete a very complicated labyrinth in 13 hours to save her baby brother. Frank Oz is amusing as the voice of The Wiseman. This was a very fun fantasy film and to me the character of Sarah is kind of a cross between Alice and Dorothy where she meets many friends along the way. This is one of the greats of the 80s and David Bowie sings some pretty good songs. This was over 20 years ago and I believe Connelly looks even better now.
The Nutty Professor (1963): Long before there was Eddie Murphy, we had Jerry Lewis who starred, wrote, and directed this interesting variation of DR. JECKLL AND MR. HYDE. Jerry Lewis is the title character who plays his usual self as bumbling professor Julius Kelp but decides to come up with a formula that turns him into the better-looking but obnoxious Buddy Love. His student Stella ends up falling for both personalities in some way but for Julius, the formula does not last long. The Buddy Love character is said to be a cariacture of his former comedy partner Dean Martin. Many regard this as his masterpiece.
Radio Hams (1939): This is one of the many Pete Smith shorts where he likes to take note of interesting subjects with great narration. These were probably the most successful short films of that era. This one takes a look at the Ham radio operators which are a group of amateur radio operators that has not totally died out as of yet and some are still very passionate about it. This shows a man who is in danger in the air when flying a plane and uses a certain code to contact a fellow ham who is a young teenage boy. I did not become any kind of expert by watching this but it is very entertaining like many of the other Pete Smith shorts I have seen. People should check these out.
Within Our Gates (1920): This is a very important film in our history. Oscar Micheaux directed this silent classic and he was one of the very few black filmmakers of that era. This movie centered around an educated black woman and wants to be able to empower the others in her race but is low on funds and sets out get the money needed to save the school but with much trouble. This was a pretty violent film for the era and has interesting title cards to quote the more uneducated blacks. There is an interesting rape scene that was very controversial for the time and was shown a lot with it being cut making the movie less significant. Micheaux really took no sides on this movie and and has some really significant moments. This is sometimes said to be the response to D.W. Griffith's controversial epic A BIRTH OF A NATION but I really don't think that is what the director had in mind. This is rather hard to find and one of the few works that have been found for Micheaux.
Woman in the Dunes (1964): I was not sure what I would think of this one but this is one that I am glad I saw. Asian director Hiroshi Teshigahara directed this Japanese film which starts out with a bug expert doing some research in the desert and is taken captive in a sand dune which is inhibited by a lonely, widowed woman and seen over by many local villagers. He makes many plans to escape but begins to fall for the woman holding him captive in the sand dunes leading to some pretty erotic and even disturbing moments for the '60s. I have really become accustomed to movies where just a couple people hold it together by their acting without having a big budget. Recent examples of things on here as of late include HARD CANDY and BLACK SNAKE MOAN. I felt it was a little longer than it needed to be but I still was able to stick to it and find a way to care about the two characters. This was probably my favorite of the foreign films I have featured on here lately.
Mighty Aphrodite (1995): I found this on the IFC channel and took note of it from a discussion that myself and my friend Kayla had on Helena Bonham Carter. I wanted to feature a movie where she is a more "normal" person than what she does in the Tim Burton films. Woody Allen wrote and directed this unusual comedy where he stars as sportswriter Lenny who is married to Amanda, played by Helena Bonham Carter. They adopt a child who turns out to be quite a genius so Lenny becomes obsessed with finding the birth mother but is quite disappointed when the mother is Linda Ash, played very well by Mira Sorvino in a star-making role, who is a prostitute and adult film star. He then sets out to change her where the story of OEDIPUS REX is being told by a chorus of Greeks that weaves the story with the movie characters. People who play the chorus include F. Murray Abraham, Olympia Dukakis, DEAD ZONE alum David Ogden Stiers and Jack Warden. Other people in the cast include a young Michael Rapaport, Peter Weller, SOPRANOS alum Tony Sirico and even a small role for Paul Giamatti.
The Phantom Carriage (1921): This is my second silent film of this edition. I found this on TCM and I recall trying to get it and having a hard time so I figured I'd see when I have a chance. This was a Swedish film which stars Victor Sjostrom who also directed. He stars as David Holm who has not done much good in life and spends a lot of time at the bar. At the stroke of New Year's Eve he dies and is visited by a carriage of the title name and must drive it for a year. He is forced to see his past and the sins of his past. He must also see what the consequences are for his family. This was a very good silent film which was an inspiration to some works of fellow Swedish director Ingmar Bergman. These were some very good special effects for its time and a good musical score. If you get a chance to see this, you should do so, it's pretty easy to follow. This is my favorite of all the silent dramas I have seen so far.
Running With Scissors (2006): My facebook friend that I chose this week was Ashlee who is expecting a little boy and someone I have worked with in theater. This was a very warped comedy and apparently a true story. Joseph Cross plays Augusten Burroughs whose autobiographical novel this is based upon. He is part of a very dysfunctional family and his mom goes to see Dr. Finch, played by Brian Cox, and has him spend his teenage life with his own strange family. Annette Bening and Alec Baldwin play Augusten's parents. In his new family, Jill Clayburgh is Agnes, Dr. Finch's television obsessed wife. Gwyneth Paltrow is an extremely religious daughter and their younger daughter, played by Evan Rachel Wood, is more free-spirited and he becomes friends with her. They also have an older, adopted son played by Joseph Fiennes who also teaches Augusten a lot about life. Annette Bening is great as the mother with deluded thoughts of success in her poetry. I am really becoming a fan of Wood right now. Other people in the movie include Kristin Chenowith, Gabrielle Union, and Patrick Wilson. Also look for the real-life Augusten Burroughs towards the end. It was very entertaining to me but not for everyone.
Planet Terror (2007): This is one of two Grindhouse movies that Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino teamed up for in their "double feature" and this one is directed by Rodriguez and Tarantino would direct DEATH PROOF. To really appreciate this, you must understand the concept of Grindhouse. These are usually a double feature of exploitation type films. They almost always make use of a lot of sex and violence, have bad dubbing, and a bad print but are enjoyed by a group of people. These are never Academy Award films, these are on a much lower-level. So this one had a great phony trailer called MACHETE which featured Danny Trejo and Cheech Marin and then we get to the movie which you will see the print is bad quality but it was on purpose because that was how Grindhouse films usually are. The concept here is that a bio-nuclear chemical gets out and releases a gas that turned many good people into flesh-eating zombies. CHARMED alum Rose McGowan is a stripper fed-up with the job but has these new zombies to contend with and teams with her old flame Wray, played by Freddy Rodriguez, to take them down. Many things lead into her losing her leg that gets replaced by a machine gun, possibly the first person in movies to have a machine gun leg. There are many other actors in this great over-the-top film including Josh Brolin, Marley Shelton, LOST star Naveen Andrews, Bruce Willis, Jeff Fahey, Quentin Tarantino, among many others. This is definetly not for everyone but is enjoyable if you understand the goal of the director.
Well, that is it for this week. Please tell me what you love and what you hate and stay tuned for next week.
HONORABLE TV MENTION
Monk Season One: I finally got around to start watching this show that I have heard a lot of good things on so I checked it out on DVD. Tony Shalhoub stars as Adrian Monk, a former detective on the police force who had to leave because of his anxiety issues. His anxiety and more extreme case of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder started when his wife was murdered. He then becomes a private investigator and with the help of his nurse Charona does work for the detective agency he was forced out of. Ted Levine plays Captain Stottlemeyer who both admires his work but becomes annoyed to his eccentricies. Stottlemeyer does realize the Monk, through his OCD can see the little things that get overlooked. Just about every episode had me guessing until the end and even if I did guess, I never really guessed how. This show gave me many laughs and I will continue to check out this show since I see it is coming to an end soon.
FUN LITTLE FACTS
I must say I came up with more things on here than I thought
STAR WARS FRANCHISE
-Frank Oz (Labyrinth) plays Yoda through the whole series
-Kenny Baker (Labyrinth) is R2-D2 through the whole series
-Warwick Davis (Labyrinth) plays one of the ewoks in Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
F. Murray Abraham (Mighty Aprhodite) plays Josef Stalin in the 1996 film CHILDREN OF THE REVOLUTION and Brian Cox (Running With Scissors) played the role in a 1969 episode of the tv show THIRTY-MINUTE THEATRE entitled THESE MEN ARE DANGEROUS: STALIN.
David Ogden Stiers (Mighty Aprhodite) does the voice for Cogsworth in the 1991 Disney film BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. My facebook friend Ric played the role in the stage version at Muncie Civic Theater which I was in as well.
Michael Rapaport (Mighty Aphrodite) played Danny Hanson in the tv series BOSTON PUBLIC and Nicky Katt (Planet Terror) played Harry Senate in the series. Both were teachers in the high school.
Annette Bening (Running With Scissors) and Bruce Willis (Planet Terror) team up in the 1998 film THE SIEGE
RUNNING WITH SCISSORS actors Joseph Fiennes and Gwyneth Palrow are adopted siblings in this week's feature and they have quite an affair in the 1998 film SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE where Fiennes is a young Shakespeare.
Evan Rachel Wood (Running With Scissors) is currently dating rock star Marilyn Manson and Rose McGowan (Planet Terror) was engaged to him between 1998-2001
RUNNING WITH SCISSORS actors Alec Baldwin and Patrick Wilson have both played Alamo hero William Travis
-Alec Baldwin played the role in the 1987 tv movie THE ALAMO: THIRTEEN DAYS TO GLORY
-Patrick Wilson played the role in the 2004 film THE ALAMO
Gabrielle Union (Running With Scissors) has done three episodes of UGLY BETTY as Renee Slater, the estranged daughter of magazine mogul Wilhemina. Freddy Rodriguez plays recurring character Gio Rossi
-Patrick Wilson played the role in the 2004 film THE ALAMO
Kristin Chenoweth (Running With Scissors) plays Lily St. Regis in the 1999 Disney version of ANNIE. My facebook friend Kristen played the role in a production at Muncie Civic Theater.
Marley Shelton (Planet Terror) was announced to play the role of Annabeth Schott in the tv series THE WEST WING but the role would go to Kristin Chenoweth (Running With Scissors)
PLANET TERROR actors Jeff Fahey, Naveen Andrews, and Cheech Marin have both been on the tv series LOST
-Fahey joined the cast later as a recurring character Frank Lapidus
-Andrews stars as regular Iraqi veteran Sayid Jarrah
-Marin was never on the island but is David Reyes, the father of Hurley in the flashbacks
Bruce Willis (Planet Terror) was considered for the role of Kyle Reese in the 1984 film TERMINATOR which would ultimately go to PLANET TERROR co-star Michael Biehn
Welcome to the 180th Edition of my long running blog. I didn't have nearly as hard of a time as I did last week but last week did get good response and seemed worth the wait to most. This week are another group of mostly unknowns so get out your Netflix and Blockbuster queues and read on.
Drumline (2002): My mom actually recorded this one on the DVR because she saw that it was Nick Cannon that was the star. He is the new host for AMERICA'S GOT TALENT replacing Jerry Springer so I met him when I went and auditioned for the show. We really wanted to see Jerry though but that is not important, I must now get on with the movie. This was one of those very formulaic movies and this one was on the marching band. Nick Cannon stars Devon Miles, who is recruited for a high-profile marching band at a college but gets at odds with the teacher and the leader of the marching band with his cocky personality. You're not going to have much suspense here but I thought it was a pretty enjoyable look at a marchign band. I really liked seeing MAD TV alum Orlando Jones play a more serious role as the very traditional band leader.
Closely Watched Trains (1966): This is my Czech film for the week that takes place during World War II where a young man who is oblivious to the horrors around him and sets off for a journey of sexual reawakening. The cinematagraphy is great in here and many great scenes making this a must for foreign film buffs and movie buffs in general as long as you tolerate subtitles.
My Left Foot (1989): This was a Co-Op selection for Travis' weekly film viewing. Jim Sheridan directed this movie which is based on the life of artist Christy Brown, played very well by Daniel-Day Lewis. Brown had Cerebral Palsy and used his most working body part of the title name and produced some great art. This was a very beautiful movie which shows the hardships of Christy Brown in his childhood and his rise as an artist. Daniel Day-Lewis was phenomenal and played the role to perfection.
Blood Feast (1963): This is a slection from the Random Myspace Profile selection process and for this week I chose Agnetha. This was an exploitation horror film directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis where a caterer murders women to use their body parts to bring back to life an Egyptian Goddess. It is just as it sounds, you either want to see it or you don't but it was worth about 60 minutes to watch.
The Most Dangerous Game (1932): I found this on TCM and I can't believe this got by in those days, it was pretty unusual, especially for then. Leslie Banks stars as psychotic hunter Count Zaroff, who seems to find the killing of animals too easy and creates games to hunt humans. Joel McCrea stars as one of the hunted who must survive and meets a girl played by Fay Wray who has been held captive and tries to protect her as well. This was pretty violent for 1932 but also quite compelling. Robert Armstrong also stars as Fay Wray's brother and they would go onto bigger success in 1933 for KING KONG.
Velvet Goldmine (1998): This was another selection from the Random Myspace Profile selection process and for this one I chose Just Another Iris Group. This was a pretty interesting movie about the Glam Rock scene. Christian Bale plays reporter Arthur Stuart who was a big fan of glam rock star Brian Slade and was assigned many years later to find the reclusive star who many years before faked his death in his peak. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers plays Brian Slade whose footage mostly includes the flashbacks to the concerts and some pretty good stuff. His voice reminded me a bit of Pink Floyd. Ewan McGregor plays Curt Wild, who was idolized by Slade and had quite a relationship. This was before he became the star he is today. I see AMERICAN PSYCHO as what really put him into the mainstream and this was something good to see him in. Toni Collette and Eddie Izzard also have good parts.
Super High Me (2007): With it being a holiday week, 4/20, I am not a pot smoker but I really don't condemn people who do smoke it so I figured I would celebrate just by watching a movie about someone getting high. Comedian Doug Benson who does a lot of pot humor got this obvious idea from Morgan Spurlock's SUPER SIZE ME where Spurlock wanted to show the effects of eathing McDonalds for 30 days straight. He decided to not smoke pot for 30 days and then start to smoke it for the next 30 to show the physical effects of smoking it. I prefer the Spurlock film but this makes some pretty good points including the medical uses and even talks about states where it is legal medically but still hard due to the federal law. Sarah Silverman has an amusing appearance.
Open Range (2003): The Facebook friend I chose for this one was Tom, who I went to school with from elementary up to graduation from high school. This was a western which Kevin Costner directed and starred in making this one of Costner's best. I never regard him as a bad actor, just someone who chooses the wrong parts but this was not one of them. He plays Charley and is part of a group of four freegrazers, all of which have a pretty dark past, are wanting to get through but a corrupt lawman gives them trouble and realize they must get back into the game. Robert Duvall plays Boss, Abraham Benrubi is Mose, a gentle giant, and Diego Luna plays the 16 year old Buttons. The movie has a nice slow pace that does not bore and then has quite a showdown at the end and very realistic where shooting is not always accurate. Annette Bening is also very good as a doctor's sister.
Bee My Honey (Unknown): This was an animated Three Stooges from my animation shorts and cannot find any information on this one. It was pretty amusing to see them as barbers but the live action was better.
Back to Bataan (1945): I decided to use John Wayne for the week in this WWII movie which also starred Anthony Quinn and they lead a group of Filipinos against a Japanese group by orders of General MacAurthur. I don't really have much to say here except it seemed different than the typical John Wayne so I kind of liked seeing that. This was pretty good war propaganda.
Well, that is it for this week, please leave your comments telling me what you like and what you hate and stay tuned for next week.
FUN LITTLE FACTS
Joel McCrea (The Most Dangerous Game) plays Wyatt Earp in the 1955 film WICHITA and Kevin Costner (Open Range) plays the role in the 1994 film of the title name.
Christian Bale (Velvet Goldmine) give Robert Duvall (Open Range) quite a bit of trouble in the 1992 film Newsies
Robert Duvall (Open Range) plays outlaw Jesse James in the 1972 film THE GREAT NORTHFIELD MINNESOTA RAID and Lawrence Tierney played the role in the 1946 film BADMAN'S TERRITORY and the 1951 film BEST OF THE BADMEN
Robert Duvall (Open Range) plays Captain Frank Burns in the 1970 film MASH and my facebook and myspace friend Bill played the part in a production at Lee's Theatrical Productions.
Welcome to Reviews From The Horror Chamber. The chamberkeeper is in. It’s been a couple of weeks, since the last edition and things have been busy me. But there is one thing that I have to talk about. It’s been a while since the last edition, but here is my State of the Horror Genre Address.
This address has to do with the fact that remakes are really dumbing down all the creativity, in this genre. The reason for this tirade came, when I came across an article on Dread Central around the time right after the last edition, with the headline Band is remaking “Puppet Master in 3D”. My first thought after reading this, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! We don’t need another remake of a classic horror film. It’s bad enough that I had to go though all alleged rumors of a Re-Animator remake, which didn’t pan out, thankfully. Seriously what’s next in the remake department, “The Exorcist”, “Escape from New York” or lets start remaking all the great horror films of the nineties, like “Scream” or “I Know What You Did Last Summer”. There is no creativity on the big studio level and it’s hurting the genre.
Enough is enough. This is why original films like “Splinter”, “Inside” and “The Signal” get little to no theatrical release. It’s because you the horror fan support this remakes. Don’t worry, I’m guilty of this too, I went to see Friday the 13th remake (for Free), or the fact that I’m looking forward to “Halloween 2”. But, when you have remakes of “The Eye” or the upcoming “Nightmare on Elm Street” remake. It’s films like this that’s killing the genre; because it’s us horror fans that are willing pay our hard earned money to see it. It’s just all the great horror films are heading straight to DVD. For a person, who loves watching them in theaters, it saddens me. I want to see these movies with an audience.
This is why I personally started writing reviews. I care about the Splinter’s, The Signal’s and Inside’s finding an audience. It’s films, like those that I hope someday will bring back the horror genre to its glory days.
Now, on to the reviews.
Swamp Devil
Year: 2009
Director: David Winning
Stars: Bruce Dern, Cindy Sampson, Nicolas Wright
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: RHI Entertainment
Running Time: 90 Mins
“Swamp Devil is about a woman (Cindy Sampson), who returns home after finding out that her father (Bruce Dern) that she hasn’t seen for years is on the run for the string of bloody murders that are occurring in a small town. As she finds out more about her father’s past, a sheriff get murdered in the swamp. Soon everyone in the town will begin to discover that an unstoppable monster is responsible for all this. Now it’s up to her and her father to stop it, before it wreaks havoc on the town.
Sometimes, you get a feeling that you’re going to be in for a bad movie, ten minutes into the film. That’ the exact same feeling that I had with “Swamp Devil”, as the tagline for this film should be changed to “Bad Movie Lies Beneath the Surface”.
“Swamp Devil” is a film that very predictable and very made for TV like film, as this really felt a film that you would see on the Sci-Fi Channel. Oops, I ment “SyFy”, as that’s what network wants to be ridiculous known as now. The directing for this film felt one of those made for TV movies. The direction seemed lifeless, as I was really bored watching this film. Director David Winning, doesn’t do a good with action in this film, as this film felt like it had no suspense, whatsoever. He doesn’t do a good job with the material that he given to even make this a mindless fun film. I was not having fun watching this film, as kept wanting it to end. Winning’s direction of his actors weren’t even good. It was like; the actors were really bored, considering the script that was very bad to be with. That again that’s what happens, when you script that has characters that are clichéd and lifeless with a story that’s predictable.
Speaking of the screenplay, it was every bit as bad, as one of those made for cable movies. Screenwriters, Gary L. Dauberman and Ethlie Ann Vare never cared about making a film that has suspense and twists, because everything was predictable. That’s what made this film sink into the land of cable television. It was like, you knew who are the bad guys are and the upcoming twists, fifteen minutes into the film. The screenplay doesn’t do anything to make this film fun, as they don’t develop any of the film’s characters or the fact that the story has this lifeless and convoluted tone, which makes you lose interest quickly. Combine that with the fact that some of the dialogue felt so cheesy, you have a film that is uninteresting, unentertaining, and painful to the point that you keep waiting for something shocking to happen, when in all honesty, it doesn’t. That’s not how you make a fun b-horror film.
“Swamp Devil” is a film that should have been a film left for cable television and SyFy, not on DVD or in my collection.
Review Rating: One Star
Blood Scarab
Year: 2009
Director: Donald F. Glut
Studio: Frontline Entertainment / Tempe Video
Stars: Monique T. Parent, Brink Stevens, Del Howison
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Running Time: 81 Mins.
“Blood Scarab” features two of Frontline Entertainment popular series together for the first time, “The Mummy’s Kiss” and “Countess Dracula”. Elizabeh Bathory the infamous blood countess is the widow of Count Dracula, who travels from Transylvania to Los Angeles after Dracula dies. When arriving in Los Angeles, she begins to look, for a way to walk around with the mortals during the day. She then, stumbles onto an ancient Egyptian secret that has the power to grant her that. Bathory enters into a blood path with an Egyptian goddess, which involves three victims and a living Mummy. This leads to the climax for both of these franchises.
One of the reasons for taking this film was that I like both the Countess Dracula and Mummy’s Kiss series, but I had reservations with this film, as I didn’t the combination of the two series would work. Amazing, I think that this film is the best in both of these series.
“Blood Scarab” is a surprising fun and bloody vampire film. Director, Donald F. Glut’ s direction was very good. He does a very good job using various elements of exploitation to make this very erotic and bloody at the same time. The production value looked. very good. Glut does a great job making the presentation of the film seem like one of those European horror films. But made this direction work, the way he is able to get his actresses to be interested, in the little source material that this film has. The film also has a very good villainous performance from the film’s star and veteran exploitation actress Monique T Parent. Her performance makes most of this film work, as her character Countess Elizabeth Bathery comes off as very wicked. It helps make this film very interesting, as it just doesn’t turn into one of those softcore flicks with no story and hot women.
Gult, who also wrote the film’s screenplay, does a very good job creating a story that keeps your interest, as most of these films don’t do it very well. I liked how, he manages to connect the two series together, as when you combine two series together, it usually never works for the better, but surprisingly, the film brought new life to both of them. Another thing that Glut’s screenplay does well, it balances the sex and the horror aspects very well. The reason the elements were balanced well, the plot of the film doesn’t get lost or traded in for more of these elements. There’s not an abundant amount of either, which helps the film’s screenplay focus on the story, not how many long sex scenes we can fit in or having needless amounts of blood on screen. That’s how a film like this works. Also, I liked how it goes back into the mythology of both series. By doing that, it makes the film’s story and characters accessible to those who haven’t seen either of these series, before seeing this film for the first time.
“Blood Scarab” is an entertaining B flick that will entertain those who are looking for some fun grindhouse horror and blood biting entertainment.
To purchase this film, you can goto: http://www.amazon.com/Blood-Scarab-Monique-T-Parent/dp/B001D98U5O/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1240455223&sr=8-14
Review Rating 3.5 Stars
The Bloody Ape
Year: 1997
Director: Keith J. Crocker
Stars: George Reis, Paul Richichi, Chris Hoskins
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: Wild Eye Releasing
Running Time: 77 Mins
Official Website: http://www.myspace.com/thebloodyape
The Bloody Ape” is a take of Edgar Allen Poe’s “Murder in the Rue Morgue” The film is about a carnival barker, who’s having problems with his life to the point that it’s reaching his boiling point. Soon, he loses his mind and begins to unleashes terror in Long Island. He does that, by letting his 400-pound gorilla go on a rampage that leaves a very bloody trail. Now it’s up the police, to stop this ape, even though, they seem to be not interested. Will anybody stop this ape?
“The Bloody Ape” is a horror film that’s not shocking or not entertaining, it’s just boring. Co-Writer and director Keith J. Crocker really tries his best to deliver a fun film, but the direction felt lifeless to the point that this felt like a homemade Super-8 film. The reason for that was the pacing. This film was very slow moving, as I never was interested in any of the action of shock value, which the director was trying to attempt. It’s supposed to be a grindhouse film, where you’re going to be shocked. Instead, I was just bored and dumbfounded at times. Most of it had to be the way that Crocker directed his actors. The performances came off as annoying or not energetic to the point that you’re interested in the film.
But most of the problems lie in the screenplay, as Crocker and George Reis didn’t good job. The story felt like a collection of exploitation scenes, since the screenplay doesn’t bother with any development whatsoever. There was no shock value to them. The reason for that it, the writers didn’t set it up the characters and the action very well, as the only thing that was shocking about this film is that there is no setup to it. When you have a villain doing things that don’t make sense to what he’s supposed to do, then everything in the story becomes stupid and boring. Also, the story structure felt out of whack, as some of the things, the characters were doing made no sense to me at all. That’s what made this very painful to watch.
I really hope that Crocker’s second film “Blitzkrieg: Escape From Stalag 69”(which has been getting a lot of positive reviews) will make me forget about this mess. “The Bloody Ape” is a good attempt at exploitation, but really fails miserably, in the shock value development departments.
Review Rating: One Star.
If you’re a filmmaker and interested in having your horror film reviewed in the horror chamber, you can reach the Chamber Keeper himself at horrorchamber@filmarcade.net or if you have any film in any genres that you want Film Arcade to review. Send us an email at screeners@filmarcade.net.
I have been keeping track of the movies I have watched while trying to keep organized directors and actors. The directors are easy, the actors not so much so this is no information guaranteed to be accurate since I really don't know if it is but I did the best so read on and enjoy.
Directors
Aronofsky, Darren 3
*Rodriguez, Robert 3
Zinneman, Fred 3
*Allen, Woody 2
Burton, Tim 2
Feist, Felix 2
Murnau, F.W. 2
Rosenburg, Stuart 2
Sargent, Joseph 2
Tarantino, Quentin 2
Taurog, Norman 2
Wellman, William A. 2
Actors
Rourke, Mickey 8
Dafoe, Willem 4
Depp, Johnny 4
Hopper, Dennis 4
Montalban, Ricardo 4
*Paltrow, Gwyneth 4
Spacey, Kevin 4
*Bening, Annette 3
*Carter, Helena Bonham 3
Costner, Kevin 3
Dench, Judi 3
Dern, Laura 3
Dutton, Charles S. 3
Gambon, Michael 3
Gammon, James 3
*Giamatti, Paul 3
Gries, Jon 3
Holden, William 3
Izzard, Eddie 3
Jackson, Samuel L. 3
Keitel, Harvey 3
Margolis, Mark 3
*Marin, Cheech 3
Naidu, Ajay 3
Peck, Gregory 3
Quinn, Anthony 3
Williams, Esther 3
*Willis, Bruce 3
Witherspoon, Reese 3
*Wood, Evan Rachel 3
Young, Burt 3
*= The directors that are being used in the 181st Edition and the actors that will be used.
Maybe Tomorrow
Year: 2009
Directors: Kenny White and Harry Masengale
Stars: Patrick Cavanagh, Kevin Roach, Sarah Morris
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: White Hair Productions
Running Time: 90 Mins
Official Website:
http://www.whitehairproductions.com/maybetomorrow
“Maybe Tomorrow” is the debut full feature from directors, Kenny White and Harry Masengale. The film is about a young ex-smoker (Patrick Cavanagh), who sells cigarettes from a shop at a local strip mall. His day doesn’t get off to a very good start, when his girlfriend (Sarah Morris) unexpectedly dumps him on his way to work. Soon, this event will dwell on him for the rest of the day, as he can’t figure out the main cause for this breakup. His friends decided to cheer him up, by convincing him to pass his shift over to another worker. They proceed to hang out at a local coffeehouse, where they show him how bad a normal day can get.
After viewing this film, I couldn’t get the thought out of my head that I’ve seen a film that captures the same magic of Kevin Smith’s “Clerks” and Cameron Crowe’s “Singles”, because the film has great vulgar humor and great performances.
“Maybe Tomorrow” is a very entertaining movie with strong performances and a story that reminds you of “Clerks” and “Singles”. Directors, Kenny White and Harry Masengale do a great job making this film, funny and engaging. What makes their direction form the due very good, the fact that this film had a realistic quality. They achieve that tone, by filming it in digital video. It helps make everything feel real. The film also has some great performances as they were very entertaining and you could see the looseness, the actors had with their characters. It made them fun to watch, as there wasn’t a bad performance that I could think of. The reason for that, the directors focus their time into making the actors and actresses have chemistry with each, as the friendships between the characters are authentic. That makes you invested and care about the relationships.
The screenplay written by White is very humorous and has heart to it. The humor is written very well, even though it’s very vulgar. Normally, I would be complaining about he vulgarity that his film has, but I understand that it’s needed for a film like this, because most of the film takes place in one setting. It makes the film entertaining and makes you like the characters, for who they are. Also, the plot doesn’t disappear amidst all this humor. What White does is to make the main character moody over the fact that he’s been dumped. That slows down the humor and makes the story become the central focus of the film. But what really makes this all work, the fact the ending was kind of unexpected. I thought that was going to go the different route, but what he does is to make an ending, which makes draws different kinds of emotions. I like seeing screenplays take that risk, as it pays off here, because you have some sort of emotion towards the main character plus you still feel kind of happy, in the end.
This is a film that I highly recommend you pick up, if you’re a fan of Kevin Smith’s “Clerks” or Cameron Crowe’s “Singles”. “Maybe Tomorrow” is a funny indie comedy-drama that focuses on the downside of a breakup and friendships.
Review Rating: Five Stars
To purchase this film, you can goto the film’s official website at: http://www.whitehairproductions.com/maybetomorrow
Let me start off by saying that I love Twitter. I do. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is check Twitter for no reason other than just to hop on it. I would rather have a Twitter account than a MySpace or a FaceBook. Sometimes being on Twitter is so much fun that you forget that you are doing anything wrong in the first place.
This past Thursday night was a prime example. The comedic group Human Giant decided how much fun it would be to live-Tweet the new Jason Statham action-flick “Crank: High Voltage.” They decided it would be so much fun they wanted everyone to be a part of the experience. On one site, they posted a huge flyer, promoting the event. Human Giant and about thirty other people all sat in the back of the theater with their phones, iPod touches, iPhones, Blackberrys, or whatever the fuck they all had, and live-Tweeted the movie. I didn’t read any of the actual Tweets because I didn’t want to be spoiled for any parts of the actual movie, but from what I hear from people who have read them, they are really spoiler heavy. (read them here: http://mikerelay.com/twitflix/)
So that being said, as these thirty-some people live-Tweeted the film and their reactions, people who were on Twitter at the time, including Harry Knowles and Quint from Ain’t It Cool News and Devin Faraci from C.H.U.D., got pissed off. Again, I was sleeping, so I don’t know EVERYTHING that went down. But from what I got, Harry Knowles and Devin Faraci called FirstShowing.net’s editor Alex Billington out for going to the same screening of the film and live-Tweeting the film.
Now honestly, I thought Twitter could really save film criticism. I really did. But pure stupidity by this fuck-twat did it.
Time after time all I hear is people bitching about other people taking out their phones and texting during a movie. I know that Alex Billington is one of those people who just bitch and complain about people texting in movies because I read his site. That being said, Knowles and Faraci (two internet journalists who I often disagree with, though I am coming to enjoy reading from them) decided that it was appropriate to tell Alex what a jackass he is for doing this. In short, they called Billington a fucking hypocrite.
In particular, my favorite quote from Knowles in this Twitter fight was: “if nothing else - arguing with Quint is taking your own goddamn eyes off the screen you wanker! WATCH THE MOVIE, Talk after the movie. Just because there isn't a single worthwhile human in your theater that would get up and BEAT THE FUCK out of you. But you try that shit at the Alamo Drafthouse and your dick will be served to you with a side of spicy mustard!”
I never thought that there was a time in my life where I could actually cheer Harry Knowles on in my life. Well done, sir.
This TwitFlix (what they called the live-Tweet event) idea actually sounds pretty good when it is written on paper or typed on a computer screen. What better way to have fun with a group of people and talk about the movie without actually talking about it? TwitFlix just doesn’t work unless if you are in a private screening with the thirty-some people who are live-Tweeting next to you.
“But Tony, we sat in the back of the theater, where the light doesn’t distract anyone.” Sure, it doesn’t distract anyone, but no matter where the fuck you sit in the theater, you are still texting during a movie. No matter where a baby sits in a movie theater, it will still fucking cry. It’d be one thing that if you texted a movie that everyone in the world has already seen, but you’re spoiling the fucking movie for everyone else. No, I don’t know what kind of crazy antics Statham has gotten into, and I don’t want to know until I fucking see the movie.
“But Tony, what is the difference between live-Tweeting a hockey game and live-Tweeting a movie? You do it all the time!” I do every fucking bit of Tweeting in the comfort of my own home when it comes to a hockey game, the Oscars, the Super Bowl, and even a news event. Because you will find the shit out RIGHT AFTER IT HAPPENS! Unless if you look really hard, like a torrent site or MoviePooper.com (where spoilers should be posted), you shouldn’t have to find a spoiler for any movie like “Crank: High Voltage.” Or Twitter, thanks to a bunch of fucking jackasses.
And I know how some people feel about this. This Wednesday, I felt like Tweeting about hockey games all night, but I had to stay off of Twitter for a while to avoid any spoilers of “Lost.” But even that is okay, because you are still live-Tweeting in the comfort of your own home, and you don’t have to worry about your light shining in your eyes.
But that’s not the point.
As a blogger/movie reviewer, I believe that whatever you say online, you should stick to it in real-life. It’s called “sticking with your guns.” There is no other way of putting it. If one throws a fit over teenagers whipping out their phones during a movie to text a friend over the internet, one should throw a fit over teenagers whipping out their phones during a movie in real-life. Mr. Alex Billington could throw a fit on the internet and be praised for doing so… or he could fucking act like a teenager and live-Tweet during a movie.
He thought the second one would be a hell of a lot more fun. And he decided that he should be a “follower.”
Billington, who claims he loves everything movies, could be a good guy for all I know. I’m sure he has the right enthusiasm as a movie-buff, even though I’m pretty sure he’s movie-stupid. But I didn’t actually think he would be so fucking stupid to whip out his phone/iPod Touch in the middle of a movie theater to live-Tweet a movie. Day after day I read his posts on his site that say nothing but “This movie looks like shit!” and “This movie looks like a cinematic masterpiece!,” but how would he know that the movie is actually shit or a cinematic masterpiece if he is fucking texting during a movie?!
I don’t want to see a written apology from Billington. I don’t want to hear him say that he will never do it again. I don’t want to hear anything of the sorts. If he was a real man, he would hand in his movie-reviewer badge and go on with his life. Admit your fucking mistake. Don’t write shit if you won’t stick by it. You don’t have to Tweet during a movie… wait until the movie is fucking over. Is it really that hard for you to have to wait an hour and a half to Tweet something like “’Crank: High Voltage’ was AWESOME! SOOO CRAZY! Go see it!”? It is spoiler-free and to the point.
And this isn’t just towards Billington, the Human Giant crew, and everyone else that live-Tweets during movies. This is towards every single person, whether they have a Twitter account or not, that goes to the movies and whips out some new electronic that has the power to send messages. Do NOT text, Twitter, or use your phone in a movie theater. People spend good, hard-earned money on watching these films, and studios pay money to make them for the people that want to watch them. Fucking respect everyone’s wishes, goddamnit. You guys are the reason why other countries hate us.
If I haven’t angered you, you can follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/tonydfa. Don’t worry; I won’t live-Tweet any movie in theaters.
Ramblings of a Mad Man is a new feature at FilmArcade that will be posted whenever TonyD gets around to writing one, or whenever something happens and he just has to rant about it.
Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Michelle Pfeiffer, Kathy Bates, Spencer Hudson
Walter (Kutcher) was once a wrestler at the University of Iowa and had the chance to compete at the championship level. However, when he found out that his twin sister had been murdered he came home and left the whole life he had behind. Since then he has been living with his mother (Bates) and his deceased sister’s 4 year-old daughter. He wears a giant chicken suit and stands outside all day handing out coupons. He doesn’t do very well with people as he has simply become more and more restrained. Walter really doesn’t have any friends and is very alone. His mother has been going to therapy catered towards those who have lost a loved one. One day she insists on him coming where he meets Linda (Pfeiffer) who lost her husband and has a deaf son, Clay (Hudson), who has been much more aggressive and violent since he lost his father. As his sister’s trail is still on going Walter spends an awful lot of time at the court house, obsessing over justice being served, which thus far hasn’t happened. He begins seeing Linda there since she is working there.
“Mysteries of Pittsburgh” is the coming of age tale of Art Bechstein (Jon Foster). Art is a recent college graduate and the son of a local gangster (Nick Nolte). Since graduating, Art is spinning his wheels the summer before he embarks on the next step in his life. Art’s father has lined up a job in the financial industry with a relative, and in preparation of his job in the fall, Art is studying to take his section 7 exam to become a trader. In need of money and not particularly pleased about expending any energy to earn it, Art takes a job at the local discount bookstore. Soon Art meets a mysterious woman and her boyfriend and the three become inseparable. The line between friendship and romantic love are soon crossed, as any “last hurrah” summer epic calls for.
This movie is a very slow build, but packs a powerful punch. One would not necessarily expect such a mature and passionate story from the same writer/director who brought you “Dodgeball.” Unless I missed the more dramatic undertones to that comedy (possibly while choking on my popcorn from laughing so hard). We were lucky enough to go to a screen with a Q & A afterwards, and writer/director Rawson Michael Thurber himself joked about the differences between “Mysteries” and “Dodgeball.”
It was when Thurber talked about the book that things came in to focus. While attending film school back in 1997, Thurber met producer Jason Mercer and told him that he wanted to make the novel in to a film one day. Thurber talked a bit about the adaptation process and the difficulty in adapting a first person novel that was “more perception, observation, and description.” Anyone who has tried to adapt a book can give you a long, rambling speech about straddling the line between being faithful to the novel and making a good script. Thurber’s explanation was a bit more succinct, but you could tell he had affection for the novel.
Overall the movie is worth seeing, but it takes a bit of patience. For those that appreciate Chabon’s work, this is a nice bit of adaptation. For those unfamiliar with his work, the story might be a bit like a fog; you don’t know where you are or what is going on, but the feel of it is lovely and cool.
“Hannah Montana: The Movie”
2008
** out of ****
Director: Peter Chelsom
Cast: Miley Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus, Emily Osment
I’m a man of many things. I’m a man who can keep his promises, without reminders that I promised. I’m a man who will try and set time aside for anyone, whether they are my greatest of friends or my worst of enemies. I’m a man who will do anything for anyone, even if it means that I get hurt in the process.
So why the FUCK did I promise my friend that I will accompany her to see “Hannah Montana: The Movie,” knowing that I will come out smelling like fake fucking Barbie perfume and a migraine?
But it turns out that while the movie, based on the hit Disney television series that I know almost nothing about, isn’t terrible, it isn’t good either. It’s for the target audience – pre-teen girls and fans of the series. The good news is that it will please them. The bad news, though, is that most people who aren’t fans of the series will probably be bored out of their minds for most of the film.
Miley Cyrus plays Miley Stewart. During the day, she goes to school, sucks in all of her subjects, and is best friends with someone who acts as stupid as she is. (Emily Osment) At night and on certain occasions, she is Hannah Montana, pop-superstar. Some shit goes down between her and Tyra Banks, a paparazzi guy from England (Peter Gunn) starts following her, and her dad (Billy Ray Cyrus) sends her out to the country to spend time with her grandmother. (Margo Martindale) And la-dee-da, she realizes that she likes it out in the country, especially when she falls for some hillbilly kid from her childhood days. (Lucas Till)
The problem with the movie isn’t what many people complain about. The movie follows a formula that was developed by the television show. This girl dresses up like a pop-star and goes around recording her albums. Of course, it’s not believable, but this is an alternate universe and in this universe, some people are just stupid. I can BELIEVE that.
The problem with the movie isn’t that the songs are terrible, because honestly, they’re not. Sure, there are a few songs that are kind of annoying, and the new remix of the theme song just doesn’t cut it for me (one of the few things that I knew about the television show before going into it), but a few songs are catchy, and I can admit it without being afraid of being made fun of. “The Climb” and “Hoedown Throwdown” are two prime examples of catchy songs that may be put on my I-Pod Nano soon.
The problem with the movie isn’t the acting. I’m not going into the movie expecting Miley Cyrus to put on a career-performance like Seth Rogan gave in “Observe and Report.” I wasn’t expecting her to blame a Middle-Easterner for conspiring to blow up a Chik-Fil-A. I got what I wanted as far as the acting goes. I expected Disney performances. As far as I know, they were Disney performances. Okay, maybe some of the characters should stick to their music performances, but they weren’t a huge problem. Again, I wasn’t bothered by this.
The problem with the movie IS that it is completely predictable. Now I don’t need every movie to be like “The Sixth Sense” (which I also found to be predictable), but I would like to see a movie, even if it is terrible, to leave me thinking, “Oh man, what is going to happen?” There is a long five minute scene where Cyrus switches back and forth from Hannah Montana to herself from a dinner party to a date. Ignore how believable it is for a second, but think about how I knew what was going to happen ten minutes before the scene even occurred. And this didn’t happen only once in the movie. Now that I’m looking back at it, I called about fifteen of the instances in the movie that I just knew were going to happen.
I know it is Disney and all, but you don’t have to sugar-coat every single thing for your audience. Believe me, a film like “Hannah Montana” can be entertaining for people who don’t know a thing about it if Disney could stem away from the target audience and try to entertain people outside of it. And I know I love the movie and all but “Watchmen” had the same exact problem. But “Watchmen” corrected itself because it had enough character development that by the movie was past its halfway point you were able to understand what was going on. With “Hannah Montana,” I’m still trying to figure out where the hell she got her name from.
But I got to give Disney credit. Last year around February, I took my little sister to go see that 3D concert film. I still have the headache today. When I heard that they were making an actual movie on the television show, all I could remember was saying, “Well this is going to suck.” And while it… still sucks… it sucks less than what I expected it to be. So you did it Disney. I can officially say that I walked out of the “Hannah Montana” movie unscathed and smelling like the same Old Spice that I walked into it. Even if there are a few big problems, it is enough for me to give the film a two star review.
But, my faithful readers, you can always take your daughter to go see “Observe and Report.”
Livestock
Year: 2009
Director: Christopher Di Nunzio
Stars: Fiore Leo, Robert Hines, Johanna Gorton
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: Creepy Kid Productions
Running Time: 75 Mins
Official Website: http://www.livestockthefilm.com/
"Livestock" is about a mysterious cult that gives Victor a promotion, because
he is trustworthy. But he has problems, as his minions always tend to not follow orders and kill whomever they want. Opposite from Victor’s world, there are two young women trying make a lot of changes in there lives, as one of them has meet a man online, while the other one is focused on her job, which will open new doors for her. Soon Victor and the two young women worlds will collide. This will send the women into the depths of this mysterious cult, as there entire dark and violent history will be reveled.
Going into this film, I was expecting an all out bloody film that focuses on action and suspense, but what I got was an entertaining chamber drama with strong performances.
“Livestock” is a very dark and entertaining chamber drama that relies on atmosphere to make the horror entertaining. Writer / Director Christopher Di Nunzio’s direction was very good, as this was one of those films, where if the direction isn’t good, then the film most likely isn’t going to work, as there isn’t a lot of over the top violence that make most horror film entertaining. The reason that his direction makes the film work, the way the atmosphere is dark through out. It really makes you get into the film’s story and it’s character. Another thing that Di Nunzon does very well is the way that he directs his actors, as the acting is very good here. The reason for that is, Di Nunzio does a good job making sure that the performances are dark and subdued. The acting is very good here, as there are some strong performances from the leads. That makes the film better and makes sure that non of the performances seem over the top, as the cult in the film are like a mafia type group.
The screenplay written by Di Nunzio and Melanie Kotoch does good job making this film an entertaining chamber drama, then an all out bloodbath. One of the reasons why this horror film works, the way the writers develop everything from the characters to the cult. It makes the mythology work and the characters are interesting. They 
also do a good setting the film’s tone, by not rushing into the action, as some horror fans will be disappointed, as it’s not much of a gorefest. That’s a good thing for this type of film, as the film writer rely more on created a dark atmosphere and characters that are so depraved that makes the horror work.
If there was a problem that I had with this film, it was the fact that there’s not much action, but everything that I just mentioned helps me forgive the fact that there’s not enough action.
At the end of the day, this was one entertaining film. “Livestock” is a film that has strong performance and good development throughout, which makes me recommend this film.
To Purchase this film, you can goto: http://www.creepykidproductions.com/
Review Rating: Four Stars
DIRECTED BY
James Wong
STARRING
Justin Chatwin - Goku
James Marsters - Lord Piccolo
Jamie Chung - Chi Chi
Emmy Rossum - Bulma Briefs
Chow Yun-Fat - Master Roshi
Joon Park - Yamcha
Eriko Tamura - Mai
Randall Duk Kim - Grandpa Gohan
Ernie Hudson - Sifu Norris
Genre - Action/Aventure
Running Time - 84 Minutes
Unfortunately, the popularity of TV shows, cartoons, and video games only lead to really crappy live-action adaptations filmed for the big screen. Dragonball already had two films made based on the manga and anime series, but they were both Asian productions. Since Hollywood feels Western Culture is superior and more revelant, they decided to take a chance at making a Dragonball movie with both American and Asian actors and unleash it onto the unsuspecting public. The result is DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION, a film that was in post-production hell for over a year and during a time when the Dragonball phenomenon is pretty much past its peak.
To be honest, I'm not sure what DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION is actually evolving here. All I know for sure is that it's not evolving anything remotely good and is probably making Charles Darwin roll in his grave as you read this. To think that I thought STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI was the Worst Film of 2009. Funny how that quickly changed within six weeks, because DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION is one of the worst films I've seen in my life - in any year. Let's Kame-hame-ha this fucker into Hollywood obscurity, shall we?
PLOT
Goku (Justin Chatwin) is your standard high school teenager who seems to possess power that he has yet to tap into. This knowledge [or his bad acting, I'm not sure] has made him an outcast of sorts with his peers, constantly getting picked on, although a girl named Chi Chi (Jamie Chung) sort of digs him and vice-versa. Speaking of Chi Chi, her parents must be celebrities because no normal couple would curse their child with such a ridiculous name. Anyway, Goku's grandpa Gohan (Randall Duk Kim) warns Goku about some upcoming armageddon involving a solar eclipse due to the return of an alien life form named Loard Piccolo (James Marsters) and his sidekick Mai (Eriko Tamura). They both plan on collecting 7 Dragonballs in order to fulfill some legend that will grant them both great power. When Gohan's warnings lead to tragedy, Goku decides to hunt down the Dragonballs with the help of Lara Croft wannabe Bulma (Emmy Rossum), thief Yamcha (Joon Park), and Master Roshi (Chow Yun-Fat). Will Goku and his new friends stop Piccolo and save the day? Will Piccolo succeed? Does anyone give a flying fuck? No? Alrighty then.
REVIEW
I have three words for DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION:
WHAT THE FUCK!?
I'm not a fan of this Dragonball stuff but I've seen some episodes because my cousins love this stuff and play the video games. Hell, they'll debate about Dragonball for hours on end and discuss all the sagas, while I scratch my head wondering what in the fuck they're talking about. But I can tell you that I know enough and have seen enough to say that DRAGONBA
LL: EVOLUTION is NOTHING like the manga or anime series it's based on. Shit, I thought this film was a joke on the fans who made this franchise as big as it is. But this was a serious project and pretty much shows how clueless Hollywood is right now.The story is, well, how can I say this without offending the screenwriters...okay...it's really fuckin' retarded. Instead of actually taking themes and storylines from the cartoon it's based on [because that would make SENSE!], James Wong and Ben Ramsey decide to use that Hollywood cliche that involves a young man who has a destiny and must go on an adventure to figure out what it is. Of course, he meets friends who join him to help him achieve the answers he seeks, including that old dude who trains the young man to "Wax On" and "Wax Off". The young man doesn't figure out the truth until he confronts the villain of the film, leading to a showdown that reveals his true potential. Happily ever after, right?
Are you choking my chicken!?
Dragonball was about action. It was about violence. It was about wacky characters blasting each other with their inner energies all for the sake of seven Dragonballs. Instead, DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION decided to turn the franchise into a badly done THE KARATE KID meets THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK hybrid that doesn't work the moment it's implemented on celluoid! The characters are badly written and developed. Maybe fans would care about them, but what about those who aren't familar with this franchise? They have nothing to hold on to. No origins. No setting up events properly. Why should I care for these idiots? Goku was loved in the manga and anime series because he was motivated to become a better martial artist and unlock his full Super Saiyan potential. Instead, he's a love sick puppy out for revenge. Even that isn't developed all that much. What's the point then? And the rest of the characters aren't even like the characters they're based on. Yamcha doesn't know any martial arts, although he and Goku have a rivalry in the cartoon. Bulma is an annoying Lara Croft ripoff with a voice that made me regret not putting on earplugs. Even the environment of the cartoon, which was a character in itself, has been replaced by generic North American visuals. If you're not gonna make a film right, then don't spend $100 million on it.
Also, there is an actual love story in this film and it's pretty much forced on you. Maybe if Goku's and Chi Chi's attraction to each other was actually developed into something believable, it would have been okay. But the filmmakers pretty much expect you to root for these two together even though you have no idea WHY they should be together in the first place. Plus, they're barely in the film together much anyway, so what's the point? Same goes for Bulma and Yamchi, who seem to dig each other even though they were trying to kill each other an hour before. Did I miss something?
Even the whole concept of one's "ki" was screwed up. It's never really explained how it works and/or its purpose. Nor is it a plot point that one would care for. Sure, they set up the whole Kame-hame-ha thing, but it's all exposition and not of it is interesting. I learned more from THE LAST DRAGON than I did here. At least I know what the "glow" is!
The action sequences are absolutely horrible here. These scenes could have been the saving grace of the film, but they're just as bad as the development of the screenplay. They're short and don't leave much of an impression. They're not even exciting or fun to watch. They're hacked in the editing room, giving us close-ups at random moments to the point where we don't see what the fuck is going on. I'm not sure this was done to look cool or hide the fact that stunt doubles probably handled the physical stuff, but they were shot horribly all the same. The best fight scene was near the beginning between Goku and some of his High School peers. Th
e sad thing is that Goku didn't even raise a fist the entire time, letting the bullies beat each other up. Dragonball is about the action and DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION did not deliver at all.What also doesn't deliver are the special effects. They were Sci-Fi Channel calibre - really unconvincing and not at all impressive. The Kame-hame-ha is supposed to be the most powerful move in the Dragonball universe, yet it's only used to light lanterns during a training sequence. And when used on Lord Piccolo, it barely left a scratch on him. Really? This is a Dragonball movie? I think the HANNAH MONTANA movie probably has special effects superior to this one. Where in the hell did the $100 million go, guys? Oh yeah - for Bulma's ball turning into her motorcycle. And Goku transforming into some CGI beast that makes The Hulk realistic. Smallville has better effects than this film. That's fuckin' pathetic.
James Wong, who directed 2001's THE ONE, was the wrong person to direct this. The pacing was totally off and the film felt rushed as hell. Wong seemed more concerned with moving from one set piece to the next without the need of a narrative to make it flow properly. Also, Wong has no handle on action. The scenes are badly chopped up to the point where you don't know what the hell is going on. The framing is awkward at times as well. THE ONE is a much better effort than DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION could ever be and that's sad when the former was made 8 years ago. Aren't directors supposed to get better? Yeah, the script sucks but a director is supposed to overcome that with cool visuals. This film is a total failure.
The acting in this film is really bad. Justin Chatwin, who most probably remember as the lead in last year's THE INVISIBLE, is horribly miscast as Goku. Chatwin looks nothing like the character or even acts like the character. Plus he's not the type of actor that can really carry a film of this nature. He was bland, I felt. James Marsters, who's best known as Spike from Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel, plays one of the most boring and misused villains in cinematic history in Lord Piccolo. For the main antagonist, he's barely in the film and he doesn't do anything or even talk all that much. You have a good actor who can play a great villain [judging by his past roles] but you don't throw him a bone to chew on? Terrible usage here. Jamie Chung is cute as Chi Chi but is nothing but the token girlfriend character. Emmy Rossum annoyed me as Bulma, speaking in a cutesy voice that was supposed to sound tough but just made me want someone to smack her around and shut her up. Talk about overacting. And Chow Yun-Fat may be the best of all the actors here, but even he's embarassing to watch as Master Roshi. At least he looks like he's having fun hamming it up. Or maybe he was acting while intoxicated. I wouldn't blame the guy if he was. Just wished he would have shared some with me for this review.
THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE REALISING IT'S UNNATURAL FOR ANYONE TO POSSESS MORE THAN TWO BALLS
- Goku received a ball for his birthday. If he didn't suffer through testicular cancer or is completely hetero, then I feel that this gift is really inappropriate.
- Lord Piccolo was so upset about not finding Goku's Dragonball that he crushed Gohan within his own home. Now I know who to blame for the mortage crisis.
- Bulma considers Master Roshi to be a dirty old man, after seeing his swimsuit issues and him grabbing her ass. I don't see why she's so offended. Britney Spears experienced the same thing and she turned out okay, didn't she?
- Goku had to focus his ki to achieve the Kame-hame-ha ability. I wish James Wong would had focused his ki to make a better film so I wouldn't have to suffer through 84 long minutes. I guess some ki is stronger than others.
- Piccolo had Mai shift-shape into a doppelganger for Chi Chi. Two Chi Chi's? And he's supposed to be the villain? Shit, give the guy all the Dragonballs and a medal!
- When the 7 Dragonballs are placed together, one can make a wish. I wish I didn't have to watch this crap for a review. But apparently that didn't come true. Fuck you, DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION!
THE FINAL HOWL
DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION is by far my top pick for Worst of 2009 so far. It's just a really stupid movie that's nothing more than a huge waste of time, money, and energy. Dragonball fans should stay away. Everyone else should stay away. This film will leave no one happy. I'm blasting DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION into the WTF? Vault where it belongs. If only Bernie Madoff had stolen the $100 million used to make this crap. Sigh...
