“Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.” – Colin Farrell, “In Bruges”

“Well, Ms. Brown. It's an imperfect world, but it's the only one we got. I guarantee you the day weapons are no longer needed to keep the peace, I'll start making bricks and beams for baby hospitals.” – Robert Downey, Jr., “Iron Man”

“If you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you?” – Paul Rudd, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”


This 2008 has been a mixed bag. I definitely have seen more bad movies this year than I had any other year, but I’ve still seen some really good movies. One of the movies I saw this year became one of my favorite movies of all-time. I saw a few others that I really enjoyed also. But some of the movies are just too bad to even forget about. Below, I have started with the worst films of the year before I began with the best films of the year. Of course, this is only for half of the year, I’m sure that a lot more films that come out later this year will be worse and I may even enjoy more later this year, but let’s just wait.


THE WORST FILMS OF 2008:

Below I’ll be listing the worst films of the year, but at the same time, I’ll be talking about everything I hated but something that I liked about them.


10. What Happens in Vegas:

Cons: Well there was a time that Ashton Kutcher was funny and there was a time where Cameron Diaz was enjoyable. That was back when “That 70’s Show” was funny and when everyone considered “There’s Something About Mary” to be one of the greatest comedies of all-time, including myself. Since then, Ashton Kutcher starred in movies with Brittany Murphy and Cameron Diaz has been known as the Wannabe for that Kid Choice Award horseshit. So think about it that and then think about the two coming together. It’s kind of like creating a goddamn hurricane, right?

Pros: Rob Corddry was enjoyable, and there wasn’t too much of Queen Latifah.


9. Vantage Point:

Cons: The fact that the same event is played like seven or eight times got me angry. I didn’t see something in a different point of view, but rather I saw the same thing – an unbelievable assassination. I also learned while watching this movie that they substitute the real president with a fake president while giving speeches, because they would rather have a nobody get shot instead of a somebody. And the final fifteen minutes really weren’t as action packed as it should be.

Pros: Well… if I missed something the first time, I saw it six times after that...


8. Prom Night:

Cons: It’s completely obvious that the movie was made for no reason but for money and to get teenagers to watch the original, but can’t you do that by stocking copies on more video-store shelves? Not to mention that it has nearly NOTHING is common with the original flick, but I get it – people need money. Brittany Snow didn’t get paid too much with a real quality flick like “Hairspray” so she had to make a shitty flick to get paid more. And… well… who else is there? Umm… no one. And there isn’t a single nude scene with Brittany Snow. It doesn’t get my approval.

Pros: Just because she isn’t nude doesn’t mean that she doesn’t look good.


7. The Love Guru:

Cons: Now if you REALLY want to talk about a guy who needs money. Apparently, Mike Myers didn’t enjoy all of the money from the “Shrek” movies, so he decided to return back to the big screen with a film that should have been a hit. But I guess people sided with Steve Carell opening weekend and made “The Love Guru” the fourth highest grossing film on the opening weekend. And I don’t really blame them. It is much easier to believe that Steve Carell is a secret agent than Jessica Alba owning a hockey team. And when you can’t even get a few goddamn hockey rules right, you really don’t deserve to be a good movie.

Pros: Justin Timberlake is pretty good, but he is only really in it for ten minutes.


6. First Sunday:

Cons: I’m not racist, but I hate it when certain types of people act like their stereotypes. If you don’t want to be stereotyped, then don’t stereotype yourself. That being said, “First Sunday” is stereotypical all over the place. It’s very unfunny and pretty offensive. It made all black people living the ghetto look annoying, racist, and/or violent criminals. Ice Cube and Tracy Morgan are terrible as two petty thieves, and Chi McBride looks bored.

Pros: Well, it makes movies like “Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang” stand out.


5. 10,000 BC:

Cons: With the acting, the dialogue, and the action scenes aside, “10,000 BC” earns the award as the most historically incorrect movie of the last five years. According to Roland Emmerich (that “Godzilla” remake), in the year 10,000 BC, people spoke English, though English clearly wasn’t invented for many, many, many, many, many years later. Paper, triangular ships, and chili peppers were invented back then too.

Pros: “10,000 BC” sucks, but at least it looks pretty.


4. Witless Protection:

Cons: Sing it with me:

Larry, The Cable Guy
He’s so sweet that he’ll make you cry
When he laughs, the room shakes
When he farts, your body aches.
Put him with his cousin, and he’ll whip out his snake

Pros: Umm… well I saw it for free, courtesy of Geeks of Doom.


3. Over Her Dead Body:

Cons: Umm… everything? Eva Longoria Parker is annoying as hell, but she was always annoying. The one that really made me angry was Paul Rudd, because he is always perfect. His small but very funny role in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” is perfect and he was classic in “Knocked Up.” And in this movie… he is TERRIBLE! I can’t begin to say how many times I had to pause and calm myself down. And I really do think that this movie was inspired by those soft-core pornos that come on Cinemax.

Pros: It makes me appreciate “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” more.


2. The Hottie and the Nottie:

Cons: Never since “Good Luck Chuck” has there been such a misogynistic movie. “The Hottie and the Nottie” was so bad that my video store never bothered to get it. Joel David Moore lost all potential (what was left after “Spiral,” at least, and they couldn’t even make a girl ugly right. It was terrible. Just fucking terrible.

Pros: All I can say is that Paris Hilton really isn’t the worst part of the movie.


And your number one is…


1. Meet the Spartans:

Cons: You can be put into the same room as Lindsay Lohan, trying to play games with her boobies and snorting coke off of her girlfriend’s chest, and that isn’t as torturing as “Meet the Spartans” is. I’ve seen tons and tons of bad movies before, but not a single bad movie was as memorable as “Spartans.” I can honestly say that there wasn’t a single moment that I can consider to be enjoyable. And I watched it three times, and I couldn’t find anything.

Pros: Dude, I saw it three times. I couldn’t find ANYTHING.


Dishonorable Mentions: “One Missed Call,” “Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins,” “Fool’s Gold,” “The Eye,” “Mad Money,” “Spiral,” “Horton Hears a Who,” “Superhero Movie,” “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” and I’ll save a spot on here for “The Happening” when I watch it later tonight.


Now onto the top ten films…


10. In Bruges:

A lot of movies just don’t do it for me anymore. Back on June 24, I watched a movie called “In Bruges” that never appeared in the radius of one-hundred miles from my little town of Bellmawr, New Jersey. I’ve been dying to see this, so dying that my expectations were to the max. Except that when I watched it on the first showing, it didn’t really seem to impress me. Mind you, it wasn’t a bad movie, just not a totally great one. After a lot of thinking, I went back and I visited our friends in Bruges and it seems like that I found the same things wrong with it. I almost gave up, but then the movie god gave it to me once more so I can have a final opinion of the movie. And now, every time I see “In Burges,” I begin to like it more and more each time. It’s a funny and very awesome time traveling through the city of Bruges with a bunch of wacky hitmen. I’m sure that if I keep watching the film, it will move higher and higher up on my list.


9. Doomsday:

The tale of me going to see “Doomsday” was one that I never expected. I planned on seeing “Stop-Loss” the opening day it went to theaters, but it seems that since I couldn’t sneak into it, and since I wasn’t going to see “Shutter” on my fucking day off from school, I waltzed my ass into the theater of “Doomsday,” which turned out to be a pretty damn fine movie. It was surprisingly a lot of fun and held my interest for all of the two hours. Rhona Mitra is my new crush after this movie. Her character was so badass that it felt like that all of my favorite action stars were put into one small female body, and her ass is STILL missing an eye. I know that many people are comparing it to some of the movie it mimics, like “Mad Max” and “Escape From New York,” but since I haven’t seen those two movies to begin with, I could only judge the movie by itself – and holy shit is it an awesome movie. It definitely has one of the best car chases in a long time (“Death Proof” not including). It’s Marshall’s best film yet.


8. Never Back Down:

I’ll probably take the heat for this one the most because it is a teen movie, and I don’t care. “Never Back Down” was so much fun that I wasn’t just into it like I am to most movies, but I was PHYSICALLY into it. I came back home and I TRIED that shit on my little brothers and sisters, and it felt GOOD. “Never Back Down” will be considered as an MTV movie, and it most definitely is, but as long songs are just songs and aren’t regarded as plot points, it’s perfectly fine. (This is the only movie that you will see a song by Anberlin used in a montage and that Kanye West song actually MEAN something, and I’m sure you know what it is without me mentioning it.) “Never Back Down” is a perfectly fine movie if you’re not taking it seriously. It is the “Fight Club” for the YouTube generation.


7. Iron Man:

Oh yes. I don’t think since “Grindhouse” that I was so excited for a movie to hit theaters. In fact, I planned on skipping school the day “Iron Man” was released in theaters, and staying there all day watching nothing but that and Jackie Chan (but everything changes once you get a bootleg for that Jackie Chan movie). The part that works about “Iron Man” isn’t when Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.) becomes the superhero himself, but whenever he is on screen next to his assistant Pepper. (Gwyneth Paltrow) Whenever the two are on-screen together, a sense of awkwardness would usually fly through the air, but during “Iron Man,” I didn’t see anything but perfect chemistry. Hopefully, if “Iron Man” was to be a successful franchise, it doesn’t fuck up like the same way “Spider-Man III” did.


6. Funny Games (2008):

When I voiced my opinion of the 1997 “Funny Games” and the shot-by-shot remake that was released into theaters this March, it seems like everyone on the face of the earth heard it. People have disagreed about me with many things, but not a single film has been disagreed upon more than “Funny Games.” Some guy hated my opinion so much that he even attempted to say that I plagiarized an article from FilmCritic.com. That aside, I went into the film mistakenly not seeing the original first, but it seems that I quite like this one also. I don’t know if I would consider this movie to be one of the most suspenseful films of the year, but I definitely would call it an experience that I will never forget. Pay attention to how I’m not saying stuff like “entertaining” and “awesome,” because there is nothing entertaining and awesome about this movie. When you combine the two films together, you get a special place on my all-time favorite list.


5. Be Kind Rewind:

I expected this movie to be off-the-walls funny, but it had something more other than comedy that I found to be more impressive – it had heart, something that all different films didn’t have that came out before “Be Kind Rewind” came out earlier this year. My favorite moments in the film are when our stars Mos Def and Jack Black are “sweding” the videos that they destroy. The song that Black sings of “Ghostbusters” has officially replaced the real version of the song. I know that I’m probably going to regret this later, but out of all of the actors that have acted in a film this year, no actor did a better job than Jack Black did with this role. This guy isn’t only interested in making movies as a character, but he is probably the most enthusiastic of all actors that have played a role in a film this year. “Be Kind Rewind” is a fantastic goodbye to the VHS era.


4. The Signal:

The irony of a movie like “The Signal” comes all the way from Fullerton, California. On the opening weekend, two people came out of the movie theater with stab wounds. One suffered a punctured lung. “The Signal” is possibly one of the craziest films that I’ve ever seen. The film is separated into three “transmissions.” The first one works as an excellent horror film. It introduces all of the characters that we need to know by bringing them together with one event. The second transmission is a straight-up dark comedy. Remember how funny “Shaun of the Dead” was when it made fun of those undead movies? Well, imagine how awesome it is to see a bunch of people making fun of other serial killers. “The Signal” ends with a bow in the final transmission. It shows us the conclusion that we want to see for these characters, and while it still isn’t a happy ending, it is one that wraps up what we’ve just seen on the screen.


3. Cloverfield:

The most terrifying moment of “Cloverfield” occurs halfway through the intense picture. Our four heroes are walking through the train tunnels, and for that I will say no more. If you have not seen “Cloverfield” yet, you probably already know the story. A big ass monster pops out of nowhere and destroys New York. You’ve heard it before because it’s happened tons of times before, but it’s better than what it should be. The movie began advertising during “Transformers,” and according to the DVD, it just began shooting at the time it was released in theaters. You would think that the hype would have ruined the film, but the hype just made it so much better than it should have been. As far as horror goes, “Cloverfield” is probably the best this decade.


2. Kung Fu Panda:

If one film didn’t sneak up at all on the last week of the first half, “Kung Fu Panda” would have been the best film of 2008. I didn’t expect nearly anything from this movie and I had the time of my life. There are so many great moments in this film that it is impossible to count them all. The best one, of course, is the chopstick fight. I can swear to you that I’ve seen so many kung-fu fights in my day. Back when I was younger, I would do nothing but watch old kung-fu movies and watch people getting hit in the head with fists. Pandas who fight with chopsticks? Probably the most amazing fight scenes EVER. “Kung Fu Panda” is a LOT of fun, but nothing is better than…


1. Wall-E:

“Wall-E” deserves to be in a totally different group than these films here. I was thinking about not even putting the film on my top ten because it is so good that it is actually on my top ten of all-time. After two watches and countless thoughts, I’ve come to the conclusion that “Wall-E” is one of the smartest movies ever made. Everything about it is perfect. The characters are likeable, the story is creative, and the direction is some of the most stylish direction that I’ve seen in ages. I really don’t have much to say, but come the end of 2008, “Wall-E” will not be forgotten.


Honorable Mentions: “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” “21,” “Charlie Bartlett,” “Speed Racer,” “The Forbidden Kingdon,” “Definitely, Maybe,” “Strange Wilderness,” “Leatherheads,” “Diary of the Dead,” and “The Grand”


There are a few more movies that come out later this year that I’m really looking forward to. Just the many of them come out during Oscar Season. So feel free to discuss – what are your favorites for 2008 so far?

To be continued...

So 9 days ago I met up with my personal friend Tony, to do something that we love best: go to the movies. For those of you that don’t know, I am back in the United States. The whole internship with my uncle didn’t work out. It’s a long story, and I really I don’t want to try and explain it. Anyways, being back in the exciting state of New Jersey (notice my sarcasm), all I wanted to do was visit my shitty, run-down AMC theater to view some over-priced movies and eat some $15 dollar popcorn.
Well, it was a triple-feature for Tony and me. And I swear… Tony and I are the only two people I know that will go to the movies for 6 hours, spend over $20 on movies, and another $15 on stuff that we just shat out of our asses a couple hours later. The movies on the agenda were Get Smart, The Love Guru, and the one, the only, Wall-E.

Now if you don’t recall, last week Tony posted his review of Wall-E on the site, calling it “the most romantic film since Casablanca” and “his favorite film of all time”. Of course, I got myself into some shit, because I just don’t know how to keep my mouth shut. I commented on his review, and it turned into a full-fledged debate. For those of you that don’t know, Tony is a personal friend of mine, and we are famous for our debates. We do them quite often, and they usually end up turning our quite interesting. Here is the debate we had on the comment log of his Wall-E review:

Randy // June 29, 2008 2:39 PM

Alright... I have to comment. Tony, you are getting carried away. Your favorite film of all time??? Are you kidding me??? It's an animated children's film! The most romantic movie since Casablanca??? What??? They're animated robots!!! Come on... Are you serious?

I did not like this movie. Its targeted audience was children, and like you said, the plot was very complicated. There is no way in hell that my 5-year old cousin could have realized all the things you pointed out in your review. All of this "deeper meaning"... Ask a 5-year old what “Wall-E” was about and he’ll tell you it’s about a robot. Not a love story.. not the devastation of earth.

God... I am really pissed by this movie... and by your review. People should go to these animated films for fun. To relax. For some fiction. Not to analyze them... and turn them into the best film of all time. Come on… There is no way in hell that this is the best movie of all time... and I cannot see how this could be your favorite.

Tony, I have lost all respect for you.


TonyD // June 29, 2008 2:59 PM

There is a difference between a children’s film, and a family film. A children’s film would be that “Veggietales” movie that came out this year, because only children and people who wear helmets can watch that movie. A family flick would be “Speed Racer,” “Kung Fu Panda,” and, yes, “Wall-E.”

It is the most romantic film since “Casablanca” because we can actually fall in love with these characters. Every romantic comedy that came out this year had at least one despicable character – “27 Dresses” had that Ackerman girl, “Over Her Dead Body” had Eva Longoria, and “Fool’s Gold” had the entire cast. Where in “Wall-E” is there a despicable character? The title character is so easily recognizable with the audience because he just wants the same thing that everyone else wants. The characters in those movies? They only want greed and hell. It doesn’t sound the least bit romantic to me.

The target audience was NOT for children. It was for families WITH children. Andrew Stanton once said that he never gave a shit what the audience thought while putting his thoughts into “Toy Story,” and “Finding Nemo.” “Ratatouille” had enough for everyone to like about it. Kids will love “Remy the Rat” and “Linguini” and adults will love “Anton Ego”. With “Wall-E,” most young kids want to see “Wall-E” and “Eve” save the day. Older adults want to see that, and they want to see some great sci-fi references. I dare you to go back again and point out all of the obvious references to “2001: A Space Odyssey,” “Star Wars,” “E.T.,” and the other Pixar flicks.

Oh, and if your 5 year old cousin can realize everything that I mentioned in my review, the kid must be smarter than you.

And yes, “Wall-E” is a love story. It has so many layers to it that saving the world is just a subplot when it comes to “Wall-E” and “Eve” spending time together. This world has gone to shit. We rely on the internet and technology so much nowadays that “Wall-E” spends time to display the negatives of it. Why get exercise when you can sit down on a chair that floats and takes you to places?

And if you honestly think that “Wall-E” isn’t one of the best films of all-time, you must have no taste in film. I never do say this unless if a time like that has to come around, but how in the hell can you like “Horton Hears A Who?” and “The Bucket List” but not “Wall-E?”


Randy // June 29, 2008 3:18 PM

Despite this being a "family film".. It is still targeted at young audiences. Older people only see these movies because they take their kids. Older people don't see these films on their own for their own pleasure... they would much rather prefer "Get Smart" or “Sex and the City” in a heartbeat. Let's face it... Pixar is known for their animated children's films. The only time adults go to these films is when they're with children. Except for, of course... you.

Now you mention that you can fall in love with these characters. Are you kidding me? They're robots... They are FAKE emotions... animated. The purpose of this film was not a love story. Children at that age do not understand love. This is not "Casablanca"... This is "Toy Story".

The purpose of this film was to give kids a chance to come out and see a neat animated robot, like you said, save the day. A film that even kids can understand. And yet... Pixar failed in even doing that much. I'm sorry to say... but the plot of this film is FAR too much advanced for its targeted audience.

What you said about how all we, as Americans, do is sit on the Internet... and watch TV and use up Earth's resources... as trash builds up and the Earth is pretty much going to shit...

Yes. I got that. YOU got that. However... we're adults!!! Wake up! Of course we realize what is going on... but like i said before, my five-year old cousin DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. HE JUST THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT A ROBOT NAMED WALL-E!!! Little kids do not realize plots and subplots… They don’t understand that this film is about saving the Earth… or about love. Tell a child this was a love story they will look at you like you're nuts. Ask them why everyone was forced onto a ship and why they're all obese and they will look at you like you're nuts. They simply do not understand.

You mention that I liked "The Bucket List" and "Horton Hears A Who". Horton only got 2 stars from me, which, last time I checked, isn’t a good rating. “The Bucket List” got 3 from me, because yes, I liked it. But, that isn't an animated film. If anything, that film was aimed at an older audience.

I did not review Wall-E. So you cannot compare my thoughts on it to previous films I have reviewed. However, if I were to review Wall-E, I would give it 2 stars (out of a possible 4). Because... I as an adult... liked the movie. JUST THE MOVIE ITSELF. I, as an adult, liked “Wall-E”. However, the thing that is getting me, the thing holding it back, and why it is only getting 2 stars from me... is because it is way too complicated for little kids. They just don’t understand what happened. At least in “Horton Hears a Who” they know who Horton is, and what he is doing.

I honestly cannot believe that you like an animated, children's (family, whatever) film as your best film of 2008. And more so... of ALL TIME?

I'm sorry. But everyone has their own opinion. Don't judge my taste in film. People like different things. I have taste in film... it just may not be the same as yours. So don’t say I don’t have any taste in film.

And no. This IS NOT my favorite movie of the year. And this IS NOT my favorite movie of all time. And I DO NOT think that this is one of the most romantic love stories of all time. In my opinion to think any of these things is absurd.

TonyD // June 29, 2008 3:52 PM

Yes, but you don’t seem to get this – it is NOT intended for young audiences. It’s intended for FAMILIES. Older people take their kids to go see this movie not only for the kids, but for themselves also. Out of all the summer blockbusters, only three really delivered this year – “Iron Man,” “Kung Fu Panda,” and “Wall-E.” Older people go see films like “Get Smart” because they grew up with the television show, but didn’t they grow up with children films too? There was a thing called children’s films back in the 1950s too, you know.

Pixar isn’t known for their animated children’s films. Before they even made full features, they made only short films. Go back to their new DVD and watch the short film collection (yes, Randy, you can rent it at WOW). These were all made before they started to make full features, and their short films were intended for no one but people who were able to appreciate art. Even back then, kids didn’t understand half of the stuff that went on. They watched those short films to look at the funny faces that some of these characters did… which they still do now. Their new short film “Presto” is a perfect example of that.

The only time adults go to these films are only when they lug their children, huh? What explains you, me, and the 141 critics that went to go see it before it was released?

You can’t fall in love with robots, but yet, you can fall in love with an iron suit, a rat, or even a talking toy?! Isn’t the point of “Wall-E” to meet two robots that have personalities like a regular human being? And if kids don’t understand love yet, why are mommy and daddy still together?

It’s hypocritical of you to say how the film is far too advanced, but if kids can say that the film is about a robot after watching it, do you think it’s too advanced THEN? Pixar has always been the thinking man’s animation studio. “Ratatouille” examined rats in the kitchen and the art of criticism, but do you think kids understood that? And “A Bug’s Life” was about the diet cycle, but do you think kids understood that? You say that the problem with “Wall-E” is not that it is complex, but it has all sorts of messages too. Why should “Wall-E” not have a message about friendship, but “Monsters, Inc.” and “Finding Nemo” can?

And if we supposedly realized the problems with technology, don’t you think that we would do something about it instead of keep using it the way it is? Your five year old cousin doesn’t understand it because no one will explain it to him. Your cousin won’t understand a film like “An Inconvenient Truth,” so Pixar explains it in the nicest way possible, the same way “Arctic Tale,” “March of the Penguins,” and “Horton Hears A Who” has done – the earth is fucked, but if we pull together, we can do something about it.

Tell a child that it is a love story and they will look at you like you’re nuts? Dude, don’t you understand that it IS A LOVE STORY? Wall-E and Eve LOVE EACH OTHER. Kids understand that, you understand that, and I understand that. That is the main point of the film and that is the best part of the film. If you honestly think that the film isn’t about Wall-E and Eve’s relationship, did you watch the same movie I did? You sat right next to me!

You don’t have to review “Wall-E” if you are breaking down your thoughts here. If you look at “Horton Hears A Who” in an older person’s perspective, can’t you look at “Wall-E” in an older person’s perspective? You say that you liked “Wall-E,” but you give it two stars out of four because you think that it is too complicated for kids. You can say that if you are a kid, but if you are an adult, you can’t give it two stars and say that it is too complicated for a kid. Do you think that all of the great critics like “Wall-E” but give it a bad review because kids can’t understand it?

You came over my house last month and we watched “The Mist.” It supported no hope FOR our planet and you loved it. But you watch “Wall-E” and don’t like it because it supported just a little bit of hope left?

Your argument is that Pixar’s films are only about the children. So you expect that adults to go to the films to gut their eyeballs out by watching it? No, Pixar wants to give something to both audiences. They always have, and they always will do so. As long as adults keep seeing these movies, there will be things for them and children. Like it or not, you’re wrong. I might have criticized your taste and you told me not to judge yours, but what are you doing to everyone else’s taste?


Randy // June 29, 2008 4:10 PM

Alright. Now you are putting words in my mouth. I never said I hated “Wall-E” because there is hope for the planet in there. Hell, I didn't even say I hated “Wall-E”! Let alone for you to imply that I don't like the planet.

In a nutshell, all I am trying to say is that they could have done a better job making the film more... "child-friendly". Kids want to go to these films so they can understand them on their own, without having to have adults to explain it to them. Hell, if my cousin wanted to see a film, only to have it explained to him, I would show him "An Inconvenient Truth" and explain it to him. But FYI, there are ways to send messages to children, in ways that they can understand. You mentioned a film by the title of "Monsters, Inc." What did that teach? Kindness and friendship. Clearly. And it taught the lessons through example. Sully and Mike, monsters, demonstrated kindness and friendship by looking after Boo, and trying to get her back to her home, despite what all the other monsters thought of humans. Children got that. And I didn’t have to explain that one to my little cousin.

The point is this: I have clearly stated my opinion. You have stated yours. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions. I would not say it is the best film of the year. I would not say that is is "fucking brilliant". It is most definitely not my favorite of all time. Hell, it's not even my favorite ANIMATED film of all time. I think if it really wanted to teach the message of preserving Earth... then it could have done it in a better way that children could understand.

I am not denying that there was a subplot about love. Of course there fucking was!!! However, I think it is a little... fucked up to say that this animated... children's family movie is the most romantic film since Casablanca... that the emotions of the robot touched you... come on... it's fake, completely animated! No, you DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH TALKING TOYS OR A RAT, LET ALONE A FUCKING ROBOT!

Neither one of us has any right to judge each other's taste in film... However, after reading your opinion of “Wall-E”, I must say I have lost a great deal of respect for you.


TonyD // June 29, 2008 4:29 PM

What I said was not to put words in your mouth, but to continue my argument. You said that everyone knows about the world going to shit, but you never said about ways that we can fix it. “The Mist” was to show how we can survive the world going to shit, whereas “Wall-E” is how we can fix it. “Wall-E” said it best to join together and help fix the Earth so future generations can live again. “An Inconvenient Truth” said it so scientifically that no wonder that a kid wouldn’t understand it. And I never said you hated “Wall-E” and that you didn’t like the planet.

The film is as child friendly as any Pixar film could possibly be, but there has to be ways to get the adults interested. By presenting a problem and offering a solution to the problem, it will make ways so that adults are more cautious. A kid can’t understand that we have to fix the Earth? I don’t think “Monsters, Inc.” is about kindness as much as it is about friendship, but to each of their own.

How can you think that it is fucked up to say that “Wall-E” is the most romantic film since “Casablanca?” I said it before and I’ll say it again – all of the characters here are LIKEABLE. You haven’t even SEEN “Casablanca.” So yes, “Wall-E” is the most romantic film since “Casablanca,” and if not that, then “Gone With the Wind.” It doesn’t matter if it is computer animated or not. Love is love, and if a cynical man like I can say it, you can too.

You can lose as much respect as you possibly can. I don’t give any rat’s ass if anyone does, but I hate it when someone can criticize how wrong my opinion is without backing up any facts. I got a few out of you, but truly, you know you like it, and each time you post a comment, it shows that you like it more and more.


Randy // June 29, 2008 5:31 PM

I did not criticize your opinion. Was I not the one who said that we shouldn't criticize each other's opinion? Read above. And if I'm not correct... I already said that I liked Wall-E!!! Read above. I said it.

So your point is moot. I did not “criticize how wrong your opinion was”. I simply disagreed with it. And dude, check back. I presented man, many facts to support my opinion.

Yes, a kid can understand that we have to fix the Earth. However, I don't think that children can understand that “Wall-E” was about the fact that we have to fix the Earth. They don't relate the two.

I may have not seen “Casablanca”. However, it is famous for it being a romance film. I may have to go and rent it tonight now. However, my point is this:

I FIND IT VERY HARD TO BELIEVE THAT YOU FIND A CARTOON ROMANTIC. Actually, no… I lied. Because guess what. “Lady and the Tramp” is a romantic cartoon. I don’t find it hard to believe that you found a cartoon romantic. Cartoons can be romantic. I find it hard to believe that you find a cartoon, “Wall-E”, as romantic as “Casablanca”. “Casablanca” has characters that are real people. It is famous s for being romantic.

I'm sorry. Yes, I did lose some respect for calling it your favorite of all time. If you had said favorite animated of all time, then this conversation wouldn't exist. However, I find it hard to believe that it is your favorite of all time.

I did not criticize your opinion. I simply said I lost respect for you. Read above. And I did say I liked “Wall-E” from an adult’s perspective. The only bad in it is that I think that they could have done a better job "teaching a lesson" to the youngsters.
Regardless, great review. Even though I disagree with your opinion greatly, you stated your opinion well, with many facts. Kudos for that.


TonyD // June 29, 2008 9:42 PM

Read your first two three comments. Yes, you did criticize my opinion and called it absurd. And yeah, I know you said that you liked “Wall-E,” but you can’t give it two stars and say that you liked it. You gave the same score to “Horton.” Care to elaborate?

Oh, and it is my favorite animated film of all time too, if you wanted to know it that far.

If “Wall-E” can’t teach a kid to do something about the earth, and if they are too young to understand everything that went on in “Inconvenient Truth,” what can a kid find out about the Earth and how to save it?

Oh, and as far as Pixar's true intentions with their films, watch "The Pixar Story" on Starz.

Oh, and one more thing - rent “Casablanca”, watch it, and then go see Wall-E with me once more before it leaves theaters. Then compare how romantic the films are. I can guarantee you that you will think the same thing.


Randy // June 30, 2008 8:26 AM

Yes, I’ll elaborate. 2 stars – I liked “Wall-E”. I didn’t love it. I liked it. And I already explained why I knocked off two stars. Because it was complicated. I think I am being harsh.. because whether or not children understand every single subplot… they still loved the movie. So kids liked it… adults liked it… and yet I gave it two stars. Am I being harsh? Maybe. When I review films, I give it a rating last. So maybe if I had reviewed this film, my rating would have been a little different. However, I felt that the film should only get 2 stars because of the complicated plots.

We just have to remember: Opinions are opinions. There is no right or wrong opinion. And everyone is entitled to theirs.

Thanks for the debate, Tony! It has been fun! I look forward to the next one! =)



So there you have it. Me, running my big mouth. And I got myself into some serious shit this time. Because 2 days later “Wall-E” was number 9 on IMDB’s Top Films of All Time. And of course, Tony had to call me, and rub it in my face. He just had to take that damn picture with his cell phone and send it to me, and post it on FilmArcade for all to see. (Bastard). And the day after that… it was number 6. Go figure.

So I went back and spent another $7 on “Wall-E”. (Jesus…) And I saw it again. I also took Tony’s advice and watched “Casablanca”. And goddammit.. I knew right away that I better start backpedaling or I was going to be the ass of FilmArcade.net for a long time.

So here’s what I have to say. I liked “Wall-E” a lot better a second time than I did originally. I wouldn’t give it 2 stars… rather my new rating would be somewhere between 3 and 3 ½.

I got a lot more emotion out of the film a second time. I saw some of the things that Tony and I pointed out in a different perspective.

So now there’s the question: What happened the first time? And I think I have a theory to that. As I mentioned before, Tony and I saw three movies that day: Get Smart, The Love Guru, and Wall-E, with Wall-E being last on our list. Get Smart was good. I enjoyed it a lot. It was funny. Now the thing that went wrong was The Love Guru. I went into it expecting it to be good. I was looking forward to seeing it. I thought it would be funny. And it was! But… it was stupid. It was like an Adam Sandler film. I was pissed. I was extremely disappointed with it.

So going into Wall-E I was in a bad mood. The Love Guru disappointed me, I had no more money for popcorn, this guy that I call “Popcorn Boy” pissed me off, and Tony wouldn’t give me his free soda coupon. So throughout the whole film, I had a negative outlook on “Wall-E”.

The second time through, I liked “Wall-E” a lot more. It was a lot less confusing than I thought, and I felt the movie was a lot cuter. It was a happy film, and honestly, I felt happy at the end. Now, the conclusion. “Wall-E” isn’t my favorite movie of all time. It doesn’t get 4 stars from me. It also isn’t my favorite animated film of all time. (Sorry, but I’m a “Toy Story” buff). However, it is up there. It was a good movie. Good for children, and good for me. I would definitely say it is my second favorite animated film of all time. One more point: I saw “Casablanca”. And even though these robots export a great deal of emotion, I find it hard to compare “Wall-E” and “Casablanca”. Yes, “Wall-E” is obviously a love story. I recognize that it is about love. However, it is probably just me, but I can’t take this animated film seriously, and call it romantic, like I can say about “Casablanca”. I see a love story, but I don’t see the most romantic film of all time.

So that’s it! Hey Tony, can I ask a favor?

REMIND ME TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT THE NEXT TIME I HAVE A BUG UP MY ASS ABOUT SOMETHING. THANKS.

“Drainage! Drainage, Eli! Drained dry, you boy! If you have a milkshake and I have a milkshake and I have a straw and my straw reaches across the room and starts to drink your milkshake. I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!” – Daniel Day Lewis, “There Will Be Blood”

“Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.” – Emile Hirsch, “Into the Wild”

“Everything would've fell right into place, but he forgot about one thing: About me convincing Steve Wiebe not to be a chump, talking him out of chumpatizing himself.” – Roy “Mr. Awesome” Schildt, “The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters”


Well, this year has been an alright year for movies for the most part. We had a few disappointing flicks, but we had a few fantastic ones. So far this year we’ve seen things that we’ve never thought we would see before. I learned quite a few things from quite a few movies this year. One, it’s kinda ironic that if you go see a movie about people killing other people that some people managed to get stabbed in the theater while watching the flick. Secondly, video tapes can be magnetized and be erased, so that explains remakes for “Prom Night,” “One Missed Call,” and “Shutter” that came out this year. Third, “Indiana Jones” really didn’t need to come back. No seriously, he didn’t. I also learned that Paris Hilton can actually be the best part of a movie and that people spoke English in 10,000 BC. Who woulda thought?

In all seriousness, 2008 is just okay so far. With every great flick there are ten bad or disappointing ones. It just isn’t 2007. I don’t know if it will be by year’s end. Last year was so great for film. I remember looking forward to going to the movies every weekend and seeing something that I would have never thought to have seen. One of my favorite times was when I went out of my way to seeing a movie that I thought would have sucked – “Death Sentence.” I never expected anything and I got so much out of that movie. Honestly – who woulda thought that Kevin Bacon kicked so much ass? Some of these movies that came out this year really surprised me. I was glad when I got to see films like “Definitely, Maybe” in the theater – it was the romantic comedy we’ve been waiting for since “There’s Something About Mary.” “Charlie Bartlett” brought back the great John Hughes age. And nothing impressed me more than the effects in “Speed Racer.”

Before I start writing about 2008, I want to dig back into 2007. There were a few films that I never made mention of when I put my top list for the end of the year together because I hadn’t seen them or I began to respect them more. I couldn’t believe how much I liked the movies released that year. When I went to the Best Picture Showcase earlier this year at my AMC theater, I didn’t really like “Atonement.” I don’t know what it was, but it was just too negative, even for a negative guy like me. But I watched it once on DVD and fell in love with it. With an ending as shocking as that, it definitely ranks up there with some of the best endings I’ve ever seen.

I thought the same thing about “Into the Wild” at first, but then after I thought about it some more, I found the true beauty in the film. Same went with “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.” It was bloody brilliant, but I just didn’t appreciate it the first time around. I saw “Charlie Wilson’s War” the day after I published my list of my favorite films of 2007, and the problem was that I loved that movie so much. I wanted to include it on my list, but I just couldn’t. I watched “The Kite Runner” only a few days before putting the list together, but I didn’t really like it all that much then. Like “Into the Wild,” I found the true beauty in that movie. For a movie that didn’t have any beauty to it, “The Mist” was an excellent and cynical look at people’s true feelings about the end of the world.

The next three movies are not in any order. I love “There Will Be Blood,” “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford,” and “The Darjeeling Limited” as much as a man can love. “There Will Be Blood” will always be remembered as the rise of a great oil empire, but it is a character study that works tremendously the entire time. I’ll never forget the final scene – possibly the greatest scene in all cinema. “The Assassination of Jesse James” works in thirds. The final hour is so interesting when Casey Affleck’s character realizes that he never gets the fame that he dreamt of. I’m not a huge Wes Anderson fan, but I really felt a connection while watching “The Darjeeling Limited.” The chemistry between all of the actors really make the film.

But between “Across the Universe,” “No Country for Old Men,” and “The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters,” I really don’t know what was my favorite movie of 2007. I’ve seen each film at least five times, but I respect the movies even more each time I watch them. “The King of Kong” was something different that I’ve never seen before. I always love documentaries based on entertainment, but “The King of Kong” wasn’t just about entertainment. It was about the addiction of a certain something, the same topic that “No Country for Old Men” dealt with. I don’t view “No Country for Old Men” and say that it is about the bad defeating the good, but just when enough is enough. And yes, “Across the Universe” is still fucking amazing, even after watching it ten times since the beginning of the year.

After catching up with the rest of 2007, I must admit that it was a great year. Sure we were bombarded with a few flicks like “Epic Movie,” “Delta Farce,” “Alvin and the Chipmunks,” “Beowulf,” “Dirty Sanchez,” “The Tripper,” “The Ex,” “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,” “Shrek the Third,” “Spider-Man III,” “Balls of Fury,” “Captivity,” “Transformers,” “Bee Movie,” and “The Brave One,” we witnessed a great little slice of flicks. I miss 2007 now. It all seems like a blur, but the year contained a ton of great memories at the theater and in my basement. I don’t regret anything. At least nothing compared to some of the worst films of 2008…

To be continued next Tuesday...

Welcome to Reviews from the Horror Chamber. I am your chamber keeper, Anthony Thurber. Well I've found out some great news today as I was working on the Film Arcade myspace page when I came across a blog posting from Troma founder Lloyd Kaufman that you and especially Troma fans that have been waiting for. Yes I'm talking about the DVD release of Kaufman's latest film Polutrygeist. The film will street on October 28th. Now this is where you come in. Also in that blog post, he is looking for your help. He wants you to run to your video store and demand that Poultrygeist be stocked at your store. Please, if you are a true fan of horror, help Lloyd Kaufman get his film picked up by contacting your video store and demanding that you want Polutrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.

Also today , I received news from a myspace bulletin that Skinned Alive (aka. Eat Your Heart Out) will be having it's final theatrical run before hitting DVD on August 26th. The screenings will take place at the 941 Theater in Philadelphia. The film starts playing there, this Saturday and will run until July 11th for more information on times, you can visit the 941 theater website at http://941theater.blogspot.com/. So check the film out, of you are in the Philadelphia area

Also, yours truly is starting a new interview column on Film Arcade called 10 Questions. Also note that I have the right to add more questions, if I feel like it. This will be my interview column, which I will be interviewing filmmakers and actor mostly on their projects and themselves too. So keep a watch out for it. Now on to the reviews.



The Curse of the Weeping Woman: J-ok’el
Year: 2008
Director: Benjamin Williams
Stars: Tom Parker, Ana Patricia Rojo, Dee Wallace
MPAA Rating: R
Studio: Maverick Home Entertainment
Running Time: 88 Mins
Review Rating: Zero Stars



The Curse of the Weeping Woman: J-ok’el is about a young American (Tom Parker) who comes back to Mexico to see his estranged mother (Dee Wallace) when his half-sister is mysteriously abducted. He soon finds out from one of the locals that a local legend known, as J-ok’el might be responsible for the abduction. This makes him more eager to find her before the legend claims another victim.

The Curse of the Weeping Woman: J-ok’el is a very dull film that gives a new meaning to the word “boring”. This film felt like a film that should have been played on the Lifetime channel. Director Benjamin Williams’s direction felt lifeless, as it felt like the air was coming out of my room when watching the film. Instead of putting any life into the film, he probably just sat back and just directed the most tedious scenes that you will ever see in a film. Williams’ direction of the actors weren’t much better. The acting in the film was horrible also. The cast. including Dee Wallace. was probably wondering why they even signed up for this film. They looked like that they were uninterested in the material. It also didn’t help that the actors didn’t put any effort to their characters, as they were lifeless throughout the film. The score for the film didn’t help it either, as it was so unenergetic to the point that I wanted to fall asleep.

The story, which was created by Williams and the screenplay written by Jeremy Svenson, Peter Theis, Andy Whitaker, and Alondra Salinas, was just as horrible as the direction and the acting. The screenplay was dull and it felt like there was no action happening, as I thought that I was supposed to be seeing ghost movie not a Lifetime film. The dialogue the writers wrote felt dull and tedious. But the main reason why the screenplay was a complete and utter failure was the fact that it had no scares whatsoever and the action was predictable. It was to the point where I was thinking to myself: when is this film going to be over. Thankfully, this review is just about over.

The Curse of the Weeping Woman: J-ok’el is nothing but a film that will drain your will to live, while your crying for your money back.

The Eye Of Menw
Year: 2008
Director: Charles A Christian III
Stars: Daniela Galdi, Giovanna Galdi, Anthony McFadden
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: Back 2 Ninety 9 Productions
Running Time: 27 Mins
Review Rating: 3.5 Stars




The Eye of Menw is a short horror film about a young woman, who is currently in a successful relationship with her boyfriend. She comes home one day to find a mysterious box sitting on her kitchen table. She opens it up to find a skull. It’s not an ordinary skull, but one that holds the power to see the future. She decides to look into the eyes of the skull to see her future. During this, something terrifying is released. Now that mysterious entity is out to play games with her, as she begins to lose her mind, is this really happening or is it something in her head?

The Eye of Menw is very dark and gothic horror film. Director Charles A Christian III direction was very good. I liked how he used the digital video format in which he shot the film and then took the color out and made this a black and white film. It was perfect for this type of film because the black and white picture does a good job in making the atmosphere of the film dark. He relies on using old school horror methods to drum up the darkness that is needed for the film. Christian also did a great job directing his lead actress Daniela Galdi. I thought, her performance, in this film was the key to the film’s success. She did a great job playing this frightening character that’s being tormented by this violent spirit. She also did a great job in keeping my interest in the film, as she was on screen by herself for most of the film. It is a very hard to keep the viewer’s interest by just having one character on screen, but you need charisma from the actor or actress, to keep the viewer interested in these types of films and she kept my interest throughout.

The screenplay written by Christian III and Andrew R. Berchick was good. The development of the story was good. They did a very good job creating the lead character, as they made her strong, while being frightened for her life. The writers focused more on atmosphere, like they used back in the old days of horror films. It was very effective for the film’s story. They also did a great job making the atmosphere, very dark and creepy. It allowed the writers to build some suspense to the story, as the mysterious presence haunts the main character.

The Eye of Menw will make you think twice before you look into the eyes of a skeleton.

If you’re a filmmaker and interested in having your horror film reviewed in the horror chamber, you can reach the Chamber Keeper himself at horrorchamber@filmarcade.net or if you have any film in any genres that you want Film Arcade to review, send us an email at screeners@filmarcade.net.

Also, don’t forget to add the official myspace home of Reviews From the Horror Chamber at http://www.myspace.com/reviewsfromthehorchamber.

Next week, You’ll finally get hear my thought on Funny Games and I’ll review one of Brett Piper's early films Drainiac, which was released in a remastered edition, last week from Shock-O-Rama Cinema. Until then, have a frightening day.

This week we saw the release of two blockbusters that are sure to kickass at the box office this week. The first one is Pixar's brand spanking new film "Wall-E." The second one is "Wanted," starring James McAvoy and Angelina Jolie.

I can't say about "Wanted" just yet, but in my opinion, "Wall-E" is the single best movie of the year, and one of the best ever. Andrew Stanton ("Toy Story") directed a masterpiece - a classic that will never lose its meaning, even twenty years after the film's release. My review is somewhere on the site from last night - check it out for my full opinion.

How did you like these two movies? Did you love "Wanted" but hate "Wall-E," or vice versa? Did you only see one? Or are you still watching "Get Smart" from last week?

What'd you think?

Welcome to Reviews from the Horror Chamber. I am your chamber keeper, Anthony Thurber. I would love to rant about something but yours truly is currently nursing an ankle sprain, so here are my reviews for this week’s edition.

Crimson
Year: 2008
Director: Richard Poche'
Stars: Erika Smith, Stuart Brazell, Elizabeth Di Prinzio
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: Poche Pictures
Running Time: 67 Mins
Review Rating: 4 Stars
Official Website: http://www.crimsonthemovie.com/

Crimson is about a young woman named Sammi (Stuart Brazell), who is on the run from murderous vampire, Rachel (Erika Smith), in the middle of the night, after she destroyed Rachel’s coven of vampires. She is bruised and left for dead when a group of young female nursing students find her. The group decides to take her back to their sorority house to get medical attention. Soon they discover that their good deed turns into trouble when they find out that Sammi is on the run from Rachel. Rachel is willing to kill everyone in her path to exact her revenge on Sammi.

Crimson is a very dark and well-acted vampire film. I have to give credit to director Richard Poche’ for not this turning this film into a campy T & A fest, which could have easily been. He does that by focusing on directing the action, which was all right and also had a decent amount of gore that would satisfy vampire fans. But what makes this film good was his direction of the actresses, since this is pretty much an all female cast here. I thought the actresses did a fine job with their performances. Erika Smith is an actress that I’ve pretty much followed back to her first films, Bite Me and The Sexy Adventures of Van Helsing (Both film available from Alternative Cinema) back in 2004. It's amazing that she continues to have these good performances (Sinful being her best film to date). She was very good this time playing the main villain, as she was seductive and sinister here. The film also had some good supporting performances from Stuart Brazell and Elizabeth Di Prinzio, which helped made this film entertaining.

The screenplay from Daniel Chant and Mark Grant was very good, along with acting. I liked how the writers decided to make the female characters strong, instead of treating them like other female characters that are often seen in low budget horror films. The writers do that by having some of the characters in some sought of personal conflict throughout the film, like being on the run or drug addiction or alcoholism. It helps make the characters strong and makes them conflicted instead of being used for some sort of exploitation. They also do a good job developing the story and the characters that are in it, as it contributed to the film’s success.

Crimson puts the vamp back in vampire with its story and very good acting.

To purchase this film, you can go to: http://www.crimsonthemovie.com/purchase.html. Please also note that the film has been picked up by Passion River for distribution. The film will be out on July 8th.

DVD Extras:

Behind the Scenes

Blood Oath
Year: 2008
Director: David Buchert
Stars: Natalie Hart, Roger Horn, Katie Vaughn
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: Albatross Films
Running Time: 78Mins
Review Rating: 4 Stars
Official Website: http://www.albatrossfilm.com/

Blood Oath is about a couple that is looking to have a healthy child. Their attempts to have one of their own failed. All hopes to have a child failed, until they meet a mysterious woman who offers them an offspring, but for a price. Now, the child is all grown up and roams around the woods, killing anyone who enter it’s home. Soon a group of friends, deicide to spend the weekend to seek out this urban myth by visiting that house. But their weekend of fun goes south, when the offspring starts to terrorize them, as they soon will by preying for their death unless they find a way to kill her. Tina Krause (Witchouse 3: Demon Fire, The Recovered) and Tiffany Shepis (Nightmare Man, Nymph)

There are many slasher films that tend to follow the same formula, with hot scantly- clad babes and over the top gore, but there are a few that try to separate themselves from the typical boring formula film by adding things to it. This is one of them. Blood Oath is a bloody scary slasher film. Director David Buchert direction was good. He does a good job making sure that the shots are down pat, especially with the killing scenes, as they were scary and the gore was, in your face. It was one of those films that the over the top gore really helped the film, as the scenes were directed very well. It made the film fun and scary. The acting in this film was pretty good. Buchert does a good job directing the actor’s performances, as they came off as characters that are terrified, instead of stupid people that you would find in movies like One Missed Call (aka One and ½ Missed Hours of My Life) and Cruel World (with the world’s most annoying horror villain).

The screenplay written by David M. Smith was very good. His script does a good job in developing this mysterious killer and the people that are in her path. I liked, how the main characters weren’t those cookie-cutter characters that you find in some of the stupidest slasher films. The kill sequences in the film were written very well, as the buildup was good and came out of nowhere at times, which helps the film bring out some tense moments. Smith also does a good job bringing some psychological elements to the film, which helped with the film’s twist, which made the film more enjoyable.

Blood Oath is a very gory horror film that brings out the scares and blood.

Lights, Camera, Dead
Year: 2008
Director: Tim Reaper
Stars: Wes Reid, Amy Lollo, J.C. Lira
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Studio: White Lightning Productions
Running Time: 77 Mins
Review Rating: 3.5 Stars
Official Website: http://www.lightscameradead.com/

Lights, Camera, Dead is about a pair of filmmakers, who are looking to shot their own feature length horror film. The pair of filmmakers encountered many problems, from an awful audition process to shooting the actually film where the cast and crew were disinterested and bitchy with them, to the final editing process. Soon the filmmakers snap, as they gather the cast and crew for world premiere of their film at an isolated farmhouse in order to try to finish the rest of their film, by killing the cast and crew that didn’t appreciate their film, in the first place.

Lights, Camera, Dead is the horror genre’s version of “Living In Oblivion”. First time feature director, Tim Reaper does a good job taking a look at what is like to make one of these ultra low budget films in a dark and humorous way. He also does a very good job with the direction of the actors, as there was chemistry with each of the actors, especially with Reid and Lira characters. Their chemistry with each other, is one of the film’s highlights, as everytime they were on screen together, the film was entertaining.

The screenplay written by Tim and Monica Reaper was all right for the most part. One of the main reasons this is a good film was the fact that the dark humor was dead on. One example of this was the first ten minutes of the film when the story was focusing the horrible auditions. They did that because that’s one of the pitfalls of low budget filmmaking. I liked how they also how they told the story in chronological order, which helped the story of the film be interesting. The humor was funny. If there was one major problem with this, it was the fact that none of the deaths felt scary. Maybe, they weren’t trying to achieve as they let the dark humor be the focus, so I won’t speculate any further.

If your looking for scares, then this is not the film for you, but if you are looking for a film with dark humor and a good amount of blood, then you’ll like this film, just like me.

If you’re a filmmaker and interested in having your horror film reviewed in the horror chamber, you can reach the Chamber Keeper himself at horrorchamber@filmarcade.net or if you have any film in any genres that you want Film Arcade to review, send us an email at screeners@filmarcade.net.

Also, don’t forget to add the official myspace home of Reviews From the Horror Chamber at http://www.myspace.com/reviewsfromthehorchamber.

Until next week, have a frightening day.

After bringing in sell out crowds last week with the John Carpenter Tribute, the Aero Theater in Santa Monica brought in another big crowd out to see director Savage Steve Holland talk about his two classic comedies from the 1980’s, “Better Off Dead” and “One Crazy Summer.” But the big attraction of the evening was indeed “Better Off Dead” which still has a huge following 23 years (jesus!) after its release in 1985. Like many movies of our youth, the movie was a flop at the box office and was eviscerated by critics. Siskel & Ebert gave it two thumbs down, and Peter Travers (the usually astute critic from Rolling Stone magazine) tore it apart limb from limb. But in the end, it found its audience like many other movies do, on video, cable, regular television, and eventually DVD. Now, you would be hard pressed to find anyone your age that hasn’t seen this movie and loved it.

Back in the 80’s, a negative review from Siskel & Ebert might have kept me from seeing the movie as I watched their show all the time. This was in part because I never got to go out to the movies much back then, and movie review shows like theirs were the closest I could ever get to it. Fortunately, my best friend from elementary school informed me that it was actually really good. So the following weekend, I rented it from the local video store, and my brother and I were laughing like crazy as we were watching “Airplane.” After all these years, “Better Off Dead” remains one of my favorite movies from the 80’s, and it has not lost any of its power to amuse. This was made clear by the response from the audience, many of which have seen this movie hundreds of times (10% of the audience there were watching it for the first time).

For those of you who haven’t seen it (where have you been?), “Better Off Dead” follows Lane Meyer (John Cusack), a teenager with an obsession for skiing and an even bigger obsession for his girlfriend Beth (Amanda Wyss). However, after to failing to make it on the high school skiing team, Beth dumps for the Captain of the team. Lane despairs of this and tries to kill himself in various ways, but never succeeds. Throughout the film, he has to deal with a crazed paperboy (“I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!”), his mother’s horrific ways of cooking, his dad’s insistence on doing something about his Camaro which has remained immobile on his front lawn, his kid brother who plays with real laser guns and gets books on how to pick up “trashy woman,” and with a lovely foreign exchange student who has the misfortune of staying with the dorkheads…ahem… The Smiths next door with Ricky, a terminal nerd if there ever was one.

People adore this movie so much, and I think it was influence on a lot of writers and filmmakers today. This can especially be seen when you look at one of the best comedies so far this year, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” which has more or less the same plot.

After “Better Off Dead” was over and the end credits were finished, Savage Steve Holland was brought to the stage to an ecstatic applause from the fans there. Dressed in jeans and a white buttoned down shirt with a green baseball cap, he was ever so happy to see all the people who came out to see this movie he did so long ago. So thrilled with the response, he couldn’t have been a nicer or more happy guy to meet. Along with director Holland was Diane Franklin who played the French exchange student Monique Junot. Even though she’s now married and has two kids, she really doesn’t look like she has aged a day since the original release of the movie (seriously). Also along for the screening was actor Curtis Armstrong who plays Lane’s best friend, Charles de Mar. Curtis has worked a lot with director Holland, and he is also best known as Booger from the “Revenge of the Nerds” movies.

Savage Steve Holland said that the movie was indeed inspired by real life experiences of his own. Back in the day, he did have a girlfriend who dumped him for someone else, and he did think about committing suicide. One scene in the movie shows John Cusack tying an extension cord around his neck in his garage. Savage had talked about doing the same thing and attaching it to a pole in the garage while standing on a plastic garbage can. As he was doing this, he said that he became unbelievably terrified and couldn’t go through with it. Then the lid of the garbage can fell through and he fell into it, and the pipe above him broke, water came out, and he almost drowned in that same garbage can. His mother ended up coming into the garage to see what was going on, and she ended up yelling at him for breaking the pipe.

Savage had ended up making a short film regarding this subject in his life. It was intended to be serious, but it ended up getting the opposite reaction. People laughed, and they laughed hard at it. I’m sure we are as glad as he is that he didn’t succeed in killing himself, for then we would have been denied one of the funniest comedies many of us have ever seen.

“Better Off Dead” had ended up doing so well in test screenings that Warner Brothers (which had released the movie at that time) ended up giving him a whole lot more money to Savage so that he could make his next big movie, “One Crazy Summer.” The studio was so convinced they had a big hit on their hands, and they wanted to seize on the next opportunity to work with this young director. Unfortunately, “Better Off Dead” did not do well in its initial release, and while he did get the opportunity to make “One Crazy Summer,” Savage said that he was soon confined to “movie hell.” This was the place where you go where if your movie doesn’t do well on its first week let alone, all those friends you thought you had in Hollywood stop calling you and stop taking your calls.

One fan asked Savage what the difference was between the making of “Better Off Dead” and “One Crazy Summer.” With “Better Off Dead” he said, he had total creative freedom in making it and had no one looking over his shoulder. This made it the best experience he has ever had making a movie, and he has never had that same experience ever since. With “One Crazy Summer,” it was much different because he had a lot more money involved in making it, and the studio executives were on the set watching his every move. This may have been primarily a result of their initial response of when Savage first screened “Better Off Dead” for them. They apparently came out of horrified at what he did as though he made a sequel to the John Water’s cult classic “Pink Flamingos.”

Diane Franklin, as it turns out, is not actually French. After all these years, I was convinced that she was. She said that her father is in fact German, so that may account for her looking like she is from another country. As for the French accent, she said that she did take French back in high school and was very good at, and the accent itself came to her very easily. When she came in to read for the movie, she was actually up for both Beth and Monique. Diane’s daughter was in the audience (and foolishly tried to convince the audience that she was not actually related to her mother), and asked her if she was more interested in the part of Monique or Beth. I think the answer was pretty apparent when she said that she came into the audition as a French actress trying to master an American accent. She said that making “Better Off Dead” is still the best experience that she has ever had as an actress. On Savage, she said that he did a great job of creating a fun and comfortable atmosphere for all the actors to work in, and that he gave everyone a lot of freedom to play around with the characters.

One person had commented on another movie Diane had done called “The Last American Virgin,” and how the ending of the movie was one of the most depressing that he had ever seen (haven’t seen it, so I can’t possibly spoil it for you). Diane said that she had heard about a screening of that film at a drive inn movie theater, and how the audience members ended up throwing their popcorn at the screen and cussing out her character when she did whatever she did. It’s safe to say that she has had a more than memorable career in movies. Aside from “Better Off Dead” and “The Last American Virgin,” she also was in “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” and “Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey” where she again did her flawless French accent.

Diane also confirmed that it was a woman who did the skiing sequences in the movie for her, and not a man as many had assumed. Savage noted that her stunt double actually looked almost exactly like her, and the only thing separating the two of them was the stunt double’s tan.

Also up for the roles of Beth and Monique was Elizabeth Daily who appears during the scene at the school dance singing the title track to the movie. But in the end, it was determined that Elizabeth was just “too hot” for either role.

Curtis Armstrong, who has been a regular in a lot of Savage’s films, came up with some of the more memorable aspects of the character he played. The scene where that bastard ski captain asks what Beth’s name is, and he quickly replies “Charles de Mar” was all his. That did a get a big laugh from the audience at the screening that evening. Curtis also came up with the top hat that Charles de Mar wears throughout the movie, and he said that it was inspired by his love for The Beatles and (in particular) George Harrison. Those familiar with The Beatles may very well know what he means. Armstrong also came up with the idea of bringing along that jar with the dead pig in it (I always wondered what that was). Curtis however could not take credit for one of the very best lines that Savage wrote for him in the movie:

“I have been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I’m no dummy!”

Curtis also talked about this brief conversation he had with the actress who played John Cusack’s mother in the film, Kim Darby. At one point while the both of them were on a break from filming, Kim came up to Curtis in his trailer, took him by the shoulders and told him:

“Watch out! They’re trying to destroy you!”

After that, she left his trailer and never spoke to him again. What the hell?

Savage also alluded to some deleted scenes that were taken out of the movie. Among them was how Lane’s mother Jenny (played wonderfully by Kim Darby) actually belonged to the cult of Gumby, and one scene showed her at the airport collecting money for the cult. Test audiences found that scene much too weird, so it was cut. There was another deleted scene that I would love to have seen where Lane’s father Al (the priceless David Ogden Stiers) comes home to find his wife vacuuming the lawn. One other cut out scene shows Lane trying to practice the theme to the TV show “Flipper” among the saxophone, and there is a seal there that ends up applauding another person when they do a better job of performing it than Lane does. Also, the scene of the paperboy falling off the cliff actually lasted a lot longer as Savage had about three minutes of that moment in the film. However, it gave the test audiences a rather sickened reaction, and the length that it ended up at in the film is just right as it is.

As for a special edition of the DVD release, there was no clear answer as to whether that will ever happen. Paramount did release the movie on DVD for the first time several years ago, but aside from showing the movie in widescreen, there were no special features of any kind. There wasn’t even a trailer for the movie on there either, and you’d figure that Paramount would at least have the decency to put that on the DVD release, but I guess they were unaware of the cult following this movie has. Shame!

If there is anything that seriously dampens the moods of all the fans of “Better Off Dead,” it is the rumors that the star of the movie, John Cusack, hates this movie. Savage responded that he got along great with John while they were making the movie, and that he really wanted John to like the movie as much as he did. Before they began shooting “One Crazy Summer,” Savage got the cast members of the film to hang out with each other in Cape Cod so that they could become comfortable with one another. During their time there, someone did a screening of the movie which they all went to. Twenty or so minutes into the screening, John walked out of the theater. Savage figured that he had to take a call or something, but he never did come back to the screen apparently. Savage later caught up with John to see what the problem was, and John told him that the movie was horrible and that it didn’t work at all. To this day Savage said, this is really a sore point for John that he is increasingly reluctant to acknowledge. This really brought the crowd down as John really did some of his best work as teen actor here.

Someone else from the audience also asked how Rupert Hine came to score the movie. One of the companies involved in the making of “Better Off Dead” was A&M records, and they also had worked on soundtracks for other films of the time like “The Breakfast Club.” Rupert was a featured performer on that soundtrack, but had never actually done a score for a film before. “Better Off Dead” was his first effort as a film composer, and the resulting soundtrack release from the film is awesome indeed. Right now, it appears to be out of print, so you will have to look especially hard for it. I still have my vinyl and CD copies of the soundtrack, and I am never getting rid of them, ever!

This evening was a lot of fun for everyone involved, and it says a lot about movie that lasts in the minds of many people decades after its release. All the fans who asked questions made it clear that this movie is one of their all time favorites, and that they still love watching it from time to time. One fan proudly proclaimed that this film is “bar none, the greatest movie ever made.” Such a fan this guy was, he got the director to sign an authentic air filter for a 1967 Camaro, just like the car that is prominently featured in this movie. Along with that, this diehard fan also had the original vinyl release of the soundtrack with him, as well as the original script of the movie. Can you dare to doubt this man’s love for this movie?

By the way, this same fan also pointed out that there is actually a website dedicated to the 1967 Camaro from the movie called Better Off Dead Camaro (http://www.betteroffdeadcamaro.com/). The site details the history of that specific Camaro used in the movie, and it even has details on how to restore the car to pristine condition.

Savage, Diane, and Curtis stayed around the Q & A was over to sign autographs for all the fans, and they even stayed for the second feature of the evening, “One Crazy Summer,” which was made right after “Better Off Dead.” While not as good as “Better Off Dead,” “One Crazy Summer” still does have its moments of sheer hilarity that had us laughing like crazy. The movie is especially notable for the scene stealing performance of Bob Goldthwait who ends up getting himself stuck inside a Godzilla costume and running around like crazy when someone accidentally throws a lit cigarette into the top of the costume.

Ever since the box office failures of “Better Off Dead” and “One Crazy Summer,” Savage Steve Holland has been relegated to working in television on shows like “Shasta McNasty,” “Zoey 101,” and “Lizzie McGuire” among others. However, it looks like he is about to make his comeback in films as he is currently directing the film “Legally Blondes.” This film does not feature Reese Witherspoon or the character she played in the last two movies, but actually focuses on two blonde girls and the things that happen to them. Savage promised us that it would be “really sweet.” Also, he has been hired to write “Howard Stern’s Porky’s,” and there should be no doubt that Howard will make this version all his own.

“Better Off Dead” more than deserves its place as one of the best comedies to come out of the 1980’s. This is a movie that John Cusack should really proud of alongside his other 80’s movies like “Say Anything.” Seeing it on the big screen at the Aero Theater with a packed audience gave me one of the best times I’ve had at the movies this year. What else can you say about a movie in which Steven Williams utters one of the most famous lines in cinema history?

“Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that.”


The article’s over… You can go home now.

Yesterday, two comedies were released in theaters - the first one was Mike Myers' "The Love Guru" and the second one being Steve Carrell's "Get Smart." Critics didn't accept the humor that "Guru" had going for them, and most critics are mixed about "Get Smart." Reviews of the two films will be coming later this week from us, but I was wondering...

What did you think about these two summer blockbusters? Did you like them? Did you hate them? Are you even going to see them? I'll come back every few hours and check out all of your opinions, but I'm just wondering...

What'd You Think?

“The Hottie and the Nottie”
Directed by Tom Putnam


PREFACE: I was never able to pick up a copy of “Oldboy” this week, so that review will be pushed back for a while until I can get my hands on one. But for now, here is a UFC for a different movie…


“The Hottie and the Nottie.” Ever hear of it before? No? Well, actually, it came out in theaters, and about a hundred of them. It somehow amazed me that this film was not only playing at one theater near me in the slumps of South Jersey, but played at THREE of them. So if it is released in a hundred theaters and somehow appears in South Jersey three times, it must have been a shitty movie, correct?

The cast of “The Hottie and the Nottie” is the following: Christine Lakin, Adam Kulbersh, Johann Urb, The Greg Wilson (no, that’s his real stage name), Joel David Moore, and Paris Hilton. I understand if you don’t know the names of any of them but the last one, but that name alone is a reason to stay away from “The Hottie and the Nottie.”

But I didn’t. I’m not one of the very few people who went to go see this in the movies (according to the Houston Chronicle, an average of twenty-eight people went to go see this movie opening weekend per theater) but I am one of the few people that dished out an hour and a half of their time to take the time and watch the movie. I wasn’t going to call it shitty without actually watching the movie now, and who knows? Maybe I might like it. Maybe hell might freeze over and maybe I might name “The Hottie and the Nottie” my favorite movie of 2008. Maybe hell might freeze over double and maybe I might name it my favorite movie of all time.

Yeah, no way in hell that was going to happen.

If you don’t already know the story of “The Hottie and the Nottie” by now just by reading the title, you really are as stupid as you look. But if you are, then I shall tell it to you… not because you are stupid, because you just have to tell the plot of a film before you review it. Don’t you know the film critic’s rule book by now?

For years, Nate Cooper (Joel David Moore, who starred in last year’s “Hatchet” and this year’s very terrible “Spiral”) has had bad luck with every single thing in his life, but nothing can be as bad as his luck with women. It is not because he is bad with them, but because they just aren’t the love of his life. Ever since the first grade, the only girl he has ever loved was Cristabelle Abbott. (Paris Hilton) After he finally gets tired of being single all of his life and hoping to find her, he seeks her to be his one and only love.

Unfortunately, there is a catch. Cristabelle has an ugly and hideous roommate, who was her same ugly and hideous friend from the first grade. June Phigg (Christine Lakin) is a toe-infected, mole-faced, heavy-drinking woman who also just wants one thing in life – a man that will take care of her and love her for the rest of her life. Cristabelle knows this and for that she gives up dating any man until June finds herself a man in her life.

So you know what this means, right? So I don’t have to say it? This movie is just as much, if not more, misogynistic than last year’s “Good Luck Chuck.” Here is a girl who just wants the best for her friend, and here comes a guy that is willing to find her a man just so he can get some alone time with the girl that he likes, not even caring whether or not that this girl will like the man that he sets her up with. He even tries to pay someone to go out with her, and once the toe nail starts flying, you can expect her reaction to it.

But that isn’t even the worst part about Nate. Nate isn’t just all for himself, but he just doesn’t deserve Cristabelle period. Aside from the fact that this Sasquatch-looking motherfucker doesn’t really stand next to her too right, the two are very different from each other. Let’s face it, Paris Hilton, no matter how slutty, is one of the hottest girls to ever live. And Nate, well, he looks like he got off a circus train and is willing to suck dick for some food. It would also be nice if Moore could bring some talent to his role, but I guess that would be asking for just a little bit too much.

As much as you don’t want to, you can’t help but feel sorry for Lakin’s character. Oh, of course, you just want to laugh when you see a bunch of hair fall off of her head, but you feel bad for Lakin herself. A pretty girl like that doesn’t deserve to be in a movie where she is portrayed as an ugly one. Even in some scenes, her make-up looks so fake that you can actually see the pretty in her. Christ, these guys can’t even do UGLY right…

And yeah, you probably don’t believe a single part of this sentence, but Paris Hilton isn’t the worst part of the movie. Hell, I don’t even want to admit this, but she is the BEST part of this movie. I know that you didn’t believe me, but if you have the balls, just watch the film. There is a scene where you can find over twenty things wrong. The scene involves midget mimes, Lakin’s makeup, and a guy who comes out of nowhere fifty minutes into the film. Out of those twenty things, not one of them is Hilton. I’m surprised too, believe me.

“The Hottie and the Nottie” is probably the worst film that will be released this year, but it will be nowhere to be found on my worst films of 2008 post at the end of the year. This is because I’m not going to put any film on my list that you will find on everyone else’s worst of on mine. This will also include “Meet the Spartans,” “Witless Protection,” and “10,000 BC.” But believe it that “The Hottie and the Nottie” is the worst film that I’ve seen this year, and believe it when I say that you don’t need to waste your time and money to find out.

Next time on UFC: In two weeks, I will be watching the Martin Scorsese classic for the first time EVER - "Goodfellas." After that, I will be firing off UFCs at random, with films such as "Halloween," "Lost Highway," and possibly - a match between "Old Boy" and "Kill Bill."

“Escape Artist: A Tribute to John Carpenter” continued Saturday night with the exploits of Snake Plissken who appeared in the double feature “Escape From New York” and “Escape From LA.” This again brought the fans out in droves as the Aero Theater in Santa Monica was packed, and the emcee again welcomed us to a showing of “The Happening 2.” He said it was a first in that he would show us the M. Night Shyamalan sequel before it was even made.

These films marked a few of the collaborations between director John Carpenter and actor Kurt Russell. The two first worked together on the TV movie “Elvis,” and they quickly became great friends. They went on to work on other films including another big cult hit, “Big Trouble In Little China.” “Escape From LA” remains the only sequel that John Carpenter has ever directed, and this came about because Kurt Russell desperately wanted to play the character again. Of all the roles he has played, Kurt said that this was the only role that he wanted to play again.

The emcee warned us that the print of “Escape From New York” was pretty faded, and that it was an original print and the only one they could get their hands on. This was being pretty generous as the print looked like it had been slaughtered by countless film projectors, and the color was almost completely faded. Green scratches were all over the print, and it was a huge shock that the film didn’t break apart in the projector. Still, despite the print itself, people were still enjoying a film that they have seen hundreds of times. They laughed when the title of “1997 NOW” came up, and when Lee Van Cleef speaks into this huge ass cell phone that we would never see anyone carrying around today. Another character that got a humorous response was Romero played by Frank Doubleday, and he remains one of the truly strangest characters to come out of any film I have ever seen.

After “Escape From New York” ended and the end credits were all done, John Carpenter again made his entrance to the front of the theater to another thunderous standing ovation. The discussion was led by a critic from the website Bloody Disgusting, and he started off with the genesis of the project. Carpenter quickly acknowledged the crowd by saying:

“Thank you for coming out to see the movie tonight, but I gotta tell ya, this is the worst fucking print of any movie I have ever seen. There’s practically no color in the film! It’s all pink!”

The audience laughed loudly in complete agreement. Movie prints don’t get much worse than what we saw before Carpenter appeared.

The director talked about writing the script back in the early 1970’s when there was a great sense of cynicism in the country about our President, and also in response to the hostage crisis in Iran at that time. John also admitted that he was inspired by two of his favorite movies back then, “Dirty Harry” and “Death Wish” (this would explain Kurt Russell’s delivery of his dialogue in both movies). Those two movies involved two men who were driven to the brink emotionally, and who take it upon themselves to take vengeance on those who have wronged them. Like those characters, Snake Plissken gets the job done, and this brought a lot of satisfaction to audiences that have been exposed to the movie as no one else seemed to be accomplishing anything.

Carpenter said that he initially wanted Dirty Harry himself, Clint Eastwood, to play the role of Snake Plissken. For one reason or another, it did not work out. In fact, Carpenter had shopped this screenplay around to several studios, and they had all rejected it. Fortunately, he had a multiple picture deal at the time with Avco Embassy which had also produced another movie of his, “The Fog.” Ironically, the studio wanted Charles Bronson (the star of “Death Wish”) for the title role. Somehow, everything came together when former child star Kurt Russell came on board to play Snake Plissken. Kurt portrayed Snake as a very asexual human being who cares about nothing more than staying alive. In the process, he created one of the most memorable anti-heroes the movie world has ever seen.

John also talked a bit about Lee Van Cleef, a favorite of his from the Sergio Leone westerns of the past, who played